Rein
DANCING WITH YOUR GHOST - SASHA ALEX SLOAN
“Inhale through your nose, two, three,”I draw in a deep breath, filling my lungs, “And exhale through your mouth, two, three. Good, and one more time. Nice deep breath in.”
I sink back with a groan when my head goes faint. “Are you okay, snowflake?”
“No, Talon, I’m not okay. I’m freaking out, and this bloody woman is making me dizzy with her inhale, exhale nonsense.”
Talon’s hands glide up my arms, and he kneads his fingers into my shoulders, massaging the tautness out of me one stroke at a time. “It’s not nonsense. Lamaze breathing exercises are proven effective. It enhances relaxation and decreases the perception of pain during labour.” Talon explains calmly.
I crane my neck to look back at him with a scowl, “Need I remind you of the insufferable pain I go through when I have my period? All I keep hearing from everyone is that it’s more painful than period cramps, and if that’s true, no amount of breathing will lessen my pain, I assure you.”
Talon’s eyes meet mine, and he continues to knead his thumbs into my shoulders. “You’re the one insisting you want to do this naturally.” He points out.
“Yeah, well, maybe I’m having second thoughts.” I retort and hiss when the baby kicks me in the ribs. “Ow.”
Talon looks at me in alarm, “What is it? Are you okay?”
I exhale and nod, “Yes, he’s just kicking me all in the ribs today.” Talon’s hands move from my shoulders to rest on my stomach, and he rubs it soothingly.
“All right, daddies, let’s help the mummies unwind and get comfortable. She must remain calm, stress-free in the weeks leading up to the birth. Too much stress can trigger early labour. So, mummies, I want you to close your eyes and leave yourself to your partners.”
I sink back into Talon, and he smiles handsomely, his large hands splayed out on my round baby bump. My body thrums with tension as it always does whenever I’m close to him, but I can’t deny that this is my favourite part of the session. Talon has always been good at calming me, and I thoroughly enjoy having his hands roam all over me, leaving a lick of fire in its wake.
“Just relax, snowflake,” he murmurs gruffly in my ear. “Daddy’s got you.” My lips press together to smother the giddy smile towing my lips and suppress the groan that’s ready to escape me. I can hear the wickedness laced in the deep timbres of his voice, and it instantly causes the butterflies in my belly to take flight when my mind is flooded with memories of us having sex and all the filthy things we did and said to one another.
My God, I miss having sex—I miss having sex with him.
It’s been a month since Talon just waltzed back into my life, and I’ve got to be honest, I’m still struggling to get to grips with the overload of emotions and hormones I’m currently feeling.
Perhaps he’s right about the universe conspiring so that we could meet yet again? Or maybe he simply tracked me down and made it seem like a coincidence. You see, this is the problem. I can’t seem to bring myself to trust anything that he says, despite how sincere he may come across. What’s the saying? Once a liar, always a liar. Or was it cheater? Whatever, it’s evident I don’t trust him either way if I’m questioning everything that comes out of his mouth.
Do I want to? Absolutely.
Can I bring myself to? No.
It’s complicated and having a baby together definitely isn’t reason enough to jump into a relationship that’s already brittle. So, things between us remain up in the air. Question marks hanging above both our heads just waiting to be acknowledged and resolved. And with eight weeks to my due date, every day that passes I am freaking out a little bit more.
I understand now what my mother meant when she would tell me that despite you cutting it off and ending it in your head, your heart is the one that keeps holding on and won’t let you walk away.
It’s hard to just forget the agonising heartache I endured after everything fell apart. That devastation of Talon’s betrayal has left a giant gaping hole inside of me that won’t stop aching.
However hard I try I can’t seem to block it out or recuperate.
Six months before.
“Miss Valdez, I know you’re upset but did Professor Saxton in anyway coerce you—”
“No!” I look up swiftly and shake my head, wiping away the tears with the back of my hand. “Jesus Christ! It wasn’t like that. Talon’s not some sexual predator.” I sob, burying my head in my hands. “It’s all my fault.”
“Miss Valdez, you understand that despite Professor Saxton taking full accountability for your relationship, given the severity of the situation we’re still obligated to withdraw your scholarship and expel you effective immediately.”
I look up at the Dean and my vision blurs with a fresh batch of tears, “He did what?”
The Dean laces his fingers together, placing them atop his desk and narrows his dark brown eyes which radiates kindness and sympathy while he observes me. “Talon has taken full responsibility for everything. Now, while you’re of legal age no laws have been broken, but his academic career unfortunately will suffer and this misconduct will go on his record and may impact his future employment.”
I stare at the Dean for a moment while his words sink in. “No, no, you don’t understand. It wasn’t his fault, it was mine. I pursued him.” I weep, looking between the Dean and Principal Anderson. “Talon tried warning me off countless times, but I didn’t listen. If you need to expel me that’s fine, but please don’t punish him.”