“Who’s the father?”
“That’s even worse.” She hangs her head low and looks toward me with a broken gaze before staring out at the valley now dipping steeply on one side of the path. “Do you remember Ollie Franklin? He’s the short architect who moved to Seattle. We dated a few times, then he got a new gig in Seattle, and Mom was so thankful because she thought he was the worst human that ever lived?”
I nod. “But you haven’t seen him in months.”
She glances toward me with downturned eyes. “He comes into San Francisco once a month for work.”
My jaw drops. “You dirty girl! Does he know about the baby?”
She nods as we continue to walk. The sun is starting to set now. We should probably pull over soon and find a spot to camp. “He isn’t ready for a baby, so I told him I’ll raise it,” she says. “He agreed to send money once a month, and that’s that. It’s the sex I can’t give up.”
“I see that. What is it that kept pulling you back?”
“He gets all primal, then growls, and pins me down. He does it when I least expect it, so it’s a total surprise. He acts like he’s really an animal and he can’t control himself. It’s wild. I’ve never had anything like it before.”
For some reason, the first image that flickers into my mind is Hank. He gives off animal vibes. He’s big, hairy, and I’ll bet he has no problem asserting himself anywhere. But that’s a ridiculous thought and I have no idea why the image of him pinning me against a tree and growling in my ear is exciting me in the first place. We talked for like thirty seconds and I’ll probably never see him again.
“Anyway,” Brianna says with a sigh. “It was just sex. Really, really, hot sex, and now… I don’t know. Things are different.”
“Have you seen him since you found out?”
She looks toward the opening in the tree line and tosses down her bags as though she’s done walking, which is fine. This is a good spot to set up camp.
“Of course I’ve seen him.” She rolls her eyes playfully, as though she knows how ridiculous she sounds. “I told you the sex is good. Do you know how horny you get when you’re pregnant? You get really horny, like massively, insanely, can’t manage your life horny.”
“But he can’t be rough with you while you’re pregnant.”
“Oh, he’s not rough with me. He’s actually pretty gentle right now. It’s like this energy. I think that’s why it’s so hot. On one hand he’s amped. I can see it in his eyes, hear it in his throat, feel it in the way he grips my wrists. But when he presses into me, it’s careful and affectionate.” She gushes and rubs her hand over top her stomach.
“Aren’t you pissed that he doesn’t want the baby?”
“God no! He’s not the fathering type. He’s a fuck boy. You know… the kind of guy you hook up with because he’s got big dick energy. He helps me forget about all my real-life problems. Raising a baby will be easier without him.”
I admire her strength, and her decisiveness. I’m not sure I’d have come to the same conclusion. I think I’d want my baby’s father to be in the kid’s life. Then again, I guess if he doesn’t want to be, forcing him would only make things worse.
“He said he’d stop by for birthdays and he’d be available for help as needed, but he wanted more of an uncle role.” She shrugs. “I don’t know. It really doesn’t bother me. It’s Mom and Dad I’m worried about. They’re going to die. Getting pregnant out-of-wedlock is going to kill them. Then knowing I’m okay with the baby’s father taking a back seat… they’ll flip in their grave.”
“I’ll go with you. You’re not going to do this alone, Brianna. I promise.”
She lets out a sigh and slides her tent from her bag, unrolling it until it pops up into place. Maybe I should’ve let her off the hook from this camping trip. I’m sure she can’t be comfortable. She’s four months pregnant, stressed, and now she’s still agreed to slog out here with me and sleep on the dirt. I owe her one, at least.
“Look,” I say, “I’m sorry I dragged us out here. We can leave right now if you—”
“Nah, we’re already here. Let’s stay for the night at least. We have these s’mores to enjoy. I’ve been thinking about them since we stopped at the store on the way in.” She goes through the food bags as I pop up my own tent and toss my sleeping bag inside. “You had something you were going to tell me too. That was until your dreamy hitchhiker arrived.”
My face goes flush. “Was it that obvious?”
“I’ve watched you make that face ever since you saw the first kid in junior high that had facial hair. You had to get to know Tommy immediately after summer break. Of course this guy was getting your engines revved.” She smiles before taking a big sigh. “But what were you going to say? It sounded important.”
“Yeah, it’s really not a thing, and it’s definitely nothing compared to yours. I’m just being a whiner.” I grab some rocks from the forest floor and form a circle around a natural divot in the soil. “Really, I’m okay.”
“It didn’t sound like nothing earlier. What’s going on? I just told you something huge. I think you owe me a secret now. It’s kind of a thing.”
Somehow my problems don’t seem as big now, but she’s right. I owe her some big, tawdry secret from this new life I’ve created. I let out a heavy sigh. “Well, when you say I’ve got it all together, I really don’t. I quit the fire station like six months after I got out here.”
Her jaw drops. “And you haven’t said anything?”
I shake my head. “I made such a big deal out of coming out here, that I didn’t want to disappoint Mom and Dad again.”