Chapter 36
She opened the door to her flat and let the dog off the lead. She stepped inside, closed the door, and turned around, watching Ulysses sniffing the black sacks of Toby’s clothes. She made a mental note that they needed to go. She wanted them to go to a charity, the local Salvation Army.
Abigail knew it would take some time to get used to the idea of having a dog; she really must stop thinking of Ulysses as Sidney’s dog. She walked over and knelt down, giving him an affectionate pat on the head. ‘You’re mine now.’ He seemed very excited, as if he understood this was moving day. She hoped her excited dog didn’t pee on the floor. Abigail walked down to the kitchen, leaving the dog to explore his new home. She was just unpacking the carrier bag, deciding where to put the cans of dog food, his toys and his dog bed, when she heard the patter of paws on the wooden stairs. Ulysses appeared.
‘Good boy!’
The dog came running over to Abigail, tail wagging furiously. She sat on the floor, scooping him up in her arms. ‘You’re such a good boy.’ She gave him a big fuss before standing up and making herself a cup of tea. ‘Now, where shall we put this?’ She had a thought. Although he wasn’t a puppy, she thought perhaps for the first night or two in his new home she’d better put his bed in her bedroom.Am I doing it for him or for me?a little voice in her head asked. She had no clue what she would do with him when she returned to work, but she was still immensely grateful to Sidney for leaving her Ulysses.
‘Come on, let’s go upstairs.’ She stood up and walked upstairs, carrying her mug of tea. She sat on the sofa and the dog sat at her feet, looking up at her. Abigail knew this wasn’t the way to make ground rules, but she thoughtsod it. She patted the sofa next to her. ‘Come on, let’s be having you.’ Ulysses didn’t need to be asked twice; he jumped up and landed beside her. Abigail felt his warm, soft fur brush her arm as he found a comfortable position. He rested his head on her lap. Abigail reached for the television controls. She glanced at the dog. ‘Well, it’s just you and me now.’
Abigail reached for her tea and suddenly felt nauseous again, as she had the day before. She placed the mug back on the coffee table and put her head down as the room spun. Ulysses stood up and whined. Then he woofed in her face and placed a gentle paw on her lap. She took his little face in her hands, staring at his button nose and his large brown eyes. ‘Ah, it was that stomach upset again from yesterday. You know, I feel fine now.’ She didn’t, not quite, but she felt a heck of a lot better than she had the previous morning. Of course it didn’t help, thought Abigail, that with the stress of what had happened to Toby and everything after that, she’d missed her period twice.
Abigail frowned at the dog as something occurred to her. She shook her head. ‘No, I’m not … I can’t be … it just isn’t possible.’ After two rounds of IVF, could the impossible have happened and she’d fallen pregnant naturally?
‘But we weren’t even trying.’ But anyone would tell her that sometimes, when you weren’t trying, miracles happened.
Abigail’s heart began to race. A moment later, she flew out of the lounge, Ulysses hot on her heels. She ran into the bathroom. In the cabinet was a pregnancy testing kit. She took it out of the bathroom cabinet and stared at it.
Ulysses sat at her feet, staring up at her.
‘You know this is crazy, right?’
He barked at her.
‘It was just a stomach upset.’
So, what is the problem just doing it to make sure, to prove that I’m not?
What if I am?
Abigail couldn’t answer that. She’d stopped believing that miracle was possible years earlier. Besides, wouldn’t it be the biggest irony if, after everything, she was? What would she do without Toby to help her raise their child?I would make sure I raised him or her in the way Toby would have wanted, and I would make sure Toby’s child knew all about the wonderful man their father was.Abigail swallowed, not realising until this moment that, despite everything or perhaps because of it, she still wanted Toby’s child – now more than ever.
Abigail left the box on the side and walked out of the room. This time, Ulysses didn’t follow. She was sitting in the lounge, sipping her tea, thinking that it was no good wasting a good pregnancy test on a stupid dream that would never be, when Ulysses walked into the room with something in his jaws.
‘Ulysses,’ Abigail said crossly. ‘Put that back!’
He stopped in the doorway.
Abigail hadn’t meant to shout at him. He dropped the box and went and hid behind the sofa.
She sighed heavily. ‘Just great. I’ve now fallen out with my flat mate.’
She knelt down, picked up the pregnancy test, and softly called his name. His head popped out from behind the sofa. ‘There you are.’ Abigail sat cross-legged on the floor. ‘Come on, I’m sorry. Let’s be friends again. I’m just being silly. It isn’t your fault, I promise.’ Abigail patted her knees.
Ulysses came running over into her arms. After giving him an extended fuss, Abigail stood up and returned to the bathroom. This time, she left Ulysses on the sofa. She wasn’t sure why she was putting the box back in the bathroom. It wasn’t as though she’d need it.
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake.’ Not giving herself a chance to ruminate any further, she ripped open the box and took out the stick. It was only because she needed a pee anyway that she was going to it.
‘There, I did it.’ She glanced at the stick as she awkwardly pulled up her panties. ‘Just as I thought.’
Abigail had just tossed it in the little bin in the corner of the bathroom, and was doing up the button on her jeans, when she thought she saw something. She gingerly bent over the bin and picked up the test, staring at it for a full minute as the truth sank in.