She lies above me, the corners of her eyes curled up as she smiles at me and bites my chin, playfully dragging it between her teeth. I close my arms tighter around her and pull her down so that she stops, but so that I can also still feel her body against mine, her hot sweaty skin, her breasts, her breath; all of her. But even when I am here with her, my head has wandered back to Annie. Now that the cloud of anger has passed, I think about our fight. I need to work out why she started it, what her motives were.
Amy pushes on my chest, and I’m forced to release her. She props herself on an elbow and watches me again. “You’re quiet.”
“I’m thinking.”
“About?”
“You’re young.”
“So? Is that good or bad?”
“It’s fucking amazing, but also it’s not.”
“What does that mean?”
I don’t want to elaborate just now, so I divert. “I’ve never cheated on my wife before.” At the mention of my wife her face darkens. I push away from her and sit on the edge of the bed. “I need to go.”
“Already?”
I turn to her, her mouth in a sweet little pout. I shouldn’t have come. I shouldn’t have done this. “Things are complicated right now. My life – it’s chaos.”
She shuffles over, wraps her arms around my chest, and lands a sweet kiss on my shoulder. “Well, being here with you feels like mine makes sense for the first time ever.”
“Don’t say things like that, Amy.”
“But it’s the truth. It’s how I feel.”
“Feel?”
“Yes,” she whispers in my ear, and I stand up, forcing her hands to unlatch. She falls back on the bed as I turn towards her. “I feel like I’m drowning when I’m without you.”
“Amy.” I search for my boxers, locate them, and put them on. Somehow this conversation feels safer with clothes on. “You know that what we have – it’s just passion – lust, right?”
“You can call it that if that makes you happy, but you know it’s all about how we feel,” she persists as I find my shirt and slip it over my head.
“But that’s the thing, Amy. There are no feelings, there can be none. I’m married. You need to remember that.”
“I’m young, I’m not stupid, and you are the one who showed up here tonight after telling me it was over between us, so don’t go pretending you don’t feel anything.”
“Amy…” I shake my head, feeling lost.
“It’s fine, go back to your family and pretend I don’t exist.”
At that, I launch myself back onto the bed and grab her, pulling her hands above her head, forcing her back to arch, her stomach to tighten and her face to meet mine. “But I can’t.”
“Can’t what?” She swallows hard and licks her bottom lip.
“I can’t forget you, Amy. You’re totally fucking unforgettable.” My lips crash into hers, the kiss hungrier than before, more frenzied and needy, and I know that I have fucked myself right up.