STELLA
The past few days in Hawaii have been incredible. The beautiful scenery, adventures every day, and laying out on the balcony every night to look at the stars with a bottle of wine. It’s been a nice getaway from reality. You know, the reality where I had sex with Antonio…
I forget how badly I want him when we’re constantly busy like this because I enjoy his company, and we can talk for hours about nothing and everything. Interestingly, it took coming here to notice that. At night, my longing for him in that way becomes heightened. When I feel him lying next to me, or when he touches me nonchalantly, we somehow become intertwined, talking like there’s nothing between us. No deal to appease our parents, no promise to not have sex, not even distractions to pull us apart. And Antonio hasn't run off once.
Clearly, this is a getaway because I can’t believe we’ve gotten so close. I even let him watch me take a shower the other day. An indiscretion, I know. But he looked so hot—all sweaty and dirty, a smirk on his lips as he studied me with such attraction that I nearly pulled him in.
I feel wanted by him. Even if it is just for sex— I’d take sex with him over anyone else I’ve been with. Mostly relationship sex. But I’ve had my fair share of one-night stands and sexual flings— which never end well, by the way.
That’s why I know, even though this feels like it could be something, it can’t be. Because we did it all wrong, and who we are will fall into the patterns we always have. We’ll hurt each other— though I’m beginning to think I’m only worried that he’ll hurt me. Getting close to him like this is just a cruel reminder of our waning time together, and I don’t know why, but it bothers me to even think about that.
Antonio meets with the Russians tomorrow. Even though he doesn’t say it, I can tell that he seems nervous. The pressure he puts on himself to be everything his family wants, weighs on him. I know because he told me last night after he had a full bottle ofHULA O MAUI Brut Sparkling Wine. (Really delicious pineapple wine. We got the most expensive bottle they had.)
I change into the only lingerie I brought– not really by choice. (We haven’t done much laundry here, which is funny because there’s literally a washer-dryer in our suite.) I like the way Antonio looks at me when I wear this type of stuff, so it’s not the worst thing that could happen. It’s a silk and lace little black dress with thin silk straps. I grab a blanket off the bed and head out to the lounge, where Antonio is at the hotel telephone, looking through their menu online with low, focused brows.
“What should we drink tonight?” He asks, still looking at his phone.
“Whatever you want.” I sit on the arm of the couch and look outside, where he’s already thrown a blanket over the bed. We’ve been calling it a hammock because it's actually netting in a bed-shaped hole. And if you take the bedding off, you can look right through it to the covered balconies and beach below.
“Hi, yes. We’ll take the alcoholic toasted coconut Hawaiian shaved ice, two of those. A large order of fries and a bottle of your most expensive wine. Thanks.” He hangs up the phone, and the moment he glances at me, I can see his eyes drop to my body.
“Okay. Not fair.” He furrows his brows, and I grin, pressing my tongue to my cheek. He lets out a sharp, quiet breath as he shakes his head.
“The food will be here in like twenty minutes.” He continues to look at me with eyes that suggest what he wants.
“Okay.” I smile, and he looks me up and down one more time before filling his mouth with air and blowing it out in exasperation.
“I’m gonna get into my pajamas.” He heads into the bedroom, and I flop back on the couch to wait for our food.
After about fifteen minutes, Antonio comes out, and I look up from my phone to see he’s shirtless with only silk Gucci shorts on, and I laugh.
“What?” He poorly hides a smirk forming on his lips.
“Are those mine?”
“No.” He looks down and furrows his thick eyebrows.
“I’m a fashionable man, Stella.”
“I don’t know if being practically naked is considered fashion, but okay.” I jest, and he presses a sarcastic grin. The knock at the door is what ends our staring competition. Antonio jogs to the door and pulls the cart in. It's loaded with everything he ordered for us, and I can smell the incredible fries already. He wheels it to the steps, and I help him take everything off it, carry it out to the balcony and sit it beside the bed. I sit down first as he takes a bite of his shaved ice. We’ve been going up to the north shore to grab Hawaiian ice from a little pink shack popular among locals, but tonight we wanted to stay in.
“Good?” I ask as he considers how it tastes, longer than it takes anyone to know if they like something, but that’s how Antonio is. Every new food item, every new drink, he takes minutes to decide if he likes it. I’ve argued with him already that it definitely takes normal people seconds. Still, he says normal people don’t have as refined taste buds as him.
He sits down next to me, taking another bite.
“Yeah, it’s fantastic. Want yours?” I laugh, and he tilts his head to me. I like it when he tilts his head to me.
“What?” A smile grows across his defined features.
“That took you seconds. Are your tastebuds becoming…normal?”
“Shut up. No, it didn’t.” He shakes his head, and I poke the dimple on his cheek that’s only there when he grins this wide. He’s been grinning like this since we got here. It’s like we both collectively decided we were just going to completely let go of our masks and inhibitions. His knee is against mine now, and I feel the longing that’s always there, beginning to grow.
He hands me my shaved ice, and we sit in silence for a bit, looking out at the ocean and eating.
“What type of alcohol is in here?” I ask after we’re almost done. I think it was at least 16 ounces of shaved ice— not sure how much alcohol that is, but I am beginning to feel it already.
“Not sure. I don’t think it said. Whatever it is, it’s good.” He nods and takes his last bite, laying back on the pillows with his hands behind his head. This highlights his muscular arms that are magnificently defined even in the moon and starlight. After finishing my ice, I sit my cup beside his and lay next to him.