STELLA
I’m crying in the club. How pathetic is that? My friends surround me, covering any person or camera from seeing this embarrassing tragedy. Tonight is about Jens and his movie release. Even though we have our differences, I’m here to support my friend, so I feel even worse about taking any attention away from him. Fuck Antonio for being such an asshole.
The worst part about today wasn’t the altercation that just transpired. It was after thinking we were making steps forward. That he was beginning to take down his walls and trust me, then waking up alone on the floor only to be ignored the entire day like I was the whole week. Now we’re walking to the car, my publicist Nancy trailing close behind and security forming a wall between us and the flashing, screaming paps. Everyone gets into the car with me, minus Nancy, who reaches in and grabs my hand.
“They won’t release this anywhere. I’ll make sure of it.” She calls over the noise of clicking cameras and screaming paps. I sniff, nod a thank you, and watch security close the door. That instant dull sound of being enclosed in our SUV is one of my favorites. It’s like going underwater and only hearing the sounds in your ears. A different world that, for a moment, feels serene until I remember why we’re here.
The tears continue to fall down my cheeks as we aimlessly drive. No one has said a word, but Iris and Ainsley are holding me from either side, and the boys are beginning to whisper among themselves.
“Hey, babe,” I look over to Presley, who’s sitting at the opposite window seat. “We want to help you get your things from the house.” I furrow my brows at him, and Brandt chimes in.
“We want to take you home.”
“To Malibu.” Grey clarifies from the back, his deep voice carrying well throughout the car.
Jens leans forward to speak. “Unless you want to stay in LA. I’ve got a place—“
“Jens.” Iris and Ainsley chorus, and I try not to laugh.
“I don’t want to go inside,” I mumble.
“The boys will pack your things, Princess,” Alk calls from the driver's seat. It feels like everyone is looking at me, and I don’t really want to leave, but I know I have to. Staying there isn’t working. We can fake-date all we want, but living together was a mistake.
“Okay.” I relent and rest my head on Iris’s shoulder for the remainder of the ride. My body is aware when we’ve stopped at the house. I can sense it without even looking. But I close my eyes because I prefer not to look. Don’t want to see it appear completely fine after what it did to me while being there.
I don’t know why I care so much about what Antonio thinks of me, but when he called me selfish, it felt worse than being punched in the face. My whole body reacted. How could he say that to me? He’s the one always getting and doing what he wants. It’s preposterous and delusional to think otherwise.
Alk loads the trunk up with my suitcases by the time I have really processed that I’m not coming back here. I peak as the car pulls away, feeling the seams of my heart rip into a painful tear down the middle. It’s a reoccurring pain, a pang in my chest, an emptiness that seems to be resolved when he’s near. It’s confusing. I know. Trust me, I’ve wanted to understand his effect on me, but I can’t quite figure it out.
All I know now is that it has to end here. Whatever feelings I may have need to die at the doorstep of that house because I can’t afford to pay for such a draining relationship. If we were friends, we certainly aren’t now. We’re merely co-workers, actors working for the pay. I sigh the pain out through my mouth, but it continues to linger as we hit the highway.
“We should have a sleepover like in high school.” Presley claps, and Iris turns to him with glee.
“Oh my God, Pres. That’s a fantastic idea. Do you think your mom and grandma would mind?” Iris looks back at me, and I feel everyone lean in, waiting for a response. The truth is, they probably wouldn’t mind, but I don’t know if I can take being surrounded by everyone at the moment. It’s also possible that Gran has some guests over that would be hard to explain given that my friends don’t even know who my family is.
“I’ll check.” I pull out my phone and text my mother about it. Before I can even slide my phone back into my pocket, she texts back.
“Why are you coming home? I thought you were staying with Antonio for a while.”
“I need to come home for a bit. He doesn’t mind making the drive to Malibu….”
“Did you guys get in a fight?”
“Mom.”
“Did you?”
“No. I just want some me-time before we get,” fuck I can’t believe I'm texting this. I grit my teeth and pull my phone close so no one can see what I’m typing. “Married.” And then I hit send and close my phone. I feel it buzz on my thigh about ten times before I gain the courage to look. She’s calling. Shit. I slide accept and bring it to my ear.
“I’m in the car,” I whisper.
“Did he propose?!” She’s squealing loud enough that Iris hears and cocks her head, confused. She mouths, “What?”
“No. No. Can we just talk about this later, please? I’m with my friends… who I’m assuming can spend the night.”
“Okay. Okay. Yeah. That’s fine. Talk to me in the morning. I'm going to bed!”
“Kay. Night.” I hang up before she can worsen my growing anxiety. Iris is the only one who heard her, so she’s furrowing her eyebrows at me, waiting for an answer.