I can’t stop looking at her. Can’t stop falling into the depth of her eyes. I don’t ever wanna crawl back out. If this is hell, I’d stay if it meant I got to spend more time with her.
But suddenly, the door in the corner of the room cracks open, and she pulls her hand away from the glass.
Accompanying Song: “Moira And June Escape” The Handmaid’s Tale
Father steps in with an angry look on his face. Like I look when I’m ready to fight.
The two plastic bowls in his hand are probably food. I eagerly await mine near the box, but Ella’s not so happy.
She bangs the glass hard. Father doesn’t even seem surprised. Just irritated.
He shoves the bowl into her box and continues to me without even acknowledging her.
She smacks her fist on the glass again, visibly restraining herself from screaming. I don’t know why she doesn’t say what she wants to say to him. Why not use your voice if you have one?
He gives me an annoyed look as he chucks the food into the box and pushes it my way. He keeps grinding his teeth, chewing on the inside of his cheek and eyeing me from the side as I bring my bowl back to my bed and gobble down the fried rice with eggs.
She refuses to eat even though I know she’s hungry. I also know why she’s doing it.
My father looks at her and then gazes at me as if he expects me to speak.
When my bowl is empty, I growl, “Syrena?”
Father narrows his eyes at me and then directs his attention to Ella, approaching her glass with slithering footsteps. He seems amused by the fact she’s inside and he’s not. As if he’s reveling in the fact she can’t reach him.
“You wanna know where she is?” he mumbles.
She nods vigorously.
His smile is bitter. “Yeah, I bet you do.” Then he turns and walks off. “Eat your food.”
Ella’s resistance is admirable, the way she keeps pounding on the glass until she sinks to the floor.
I can hear her belly grumble from where I’m at, but she won’t eat.
She just sits there and stares at the door through which he just disappeared.
I know she’s hungry, but she still won’t eat.
Not because she can’t, but because it’s her way to remain in control.
To stop the guilt from eating her instead.
Chapter Fourteen
Accompanying Song: “Moira And June Escape” The Handmaid’s Tale
Ella
A few days later, in the middle of the night, the door creaks open again, and Graham pushes in an all too familiar wheelchair. I gaze through the tiny slit of my blanket as he rolls Syrena inside. I can’t stop looking at her, but he walks by so quickly I barely have a chance to properly assess her.
All I can see is her arms as they hang motionless over the edge … and the needle marks and bruises that cover her skin.
I swallow as the black door opens, and he disappears. The few seconds that pass are agonizingly slow. Her cage door opens again, and she’s rolled inside. I watch him as he places her on the bed and pulls the blankets up, pretending to care about her even when he doesn’t.
I know he’d get rid of her the second she wasn’t useful to him anymore.
But I guess it won’t take long for him to sell her to the highest bidder.
I wonder if I’m awaiting the same fate after Cage has had his fill of me.
When Graham’s gone again, I wait a few minutes to make sure he doesn’t come back before I crawl out of bed and inch closer to the glass, tapping it a few times.
She seems completely out of it and doesn’t respond, but I can clearly see the wounds on her body from this far away.
What did he do to her?
I can only imagine.
I shiver at the thought of being the one to put her through all that. It couldn’t have been easy.
Once she wakes up and realizes she’s back in here, she’ll probably break down. I can’t let her go through that alone. Not on my watch.
So I sit down in front of the glass and keep on waiting. Until morning or longer, if I have to.
Anything to prove I’m here for her now even though I let her down before.
It won’t happen again.
Accompanying Song: “Dr. Ford” by Ramin Djawadi
My eyelids have trouble staying open, and I’m fighting sleep. However, when I finally see some movement, I feel instantly invigorated. I lean up from the floor when I hear her groan.
“Fuck …” she mumbles.
I immediately get up and stare, knocking on the windows so Cage wakes up too.
“What?” he growls, rubbing his eyes.
I point at Syrena. When I open my mouth, my voice refuses to make itself heard. I don’t know why, but something feels like it’s in my throat, preventing me from talking. It must be because I’m not alone with Cage anymore.