“Did you ever feel that I have a problem with that, Roman? So far, I mean.”
“No. But you are an extremely talented actress,malysh. And from this point forward, I don’t want that other woman, the one you created for the purpose of our agreement. No more acting, no more pretense.”
“Fair deal. Okay then.” I take a breath. “I would love to see you run or take stairs two at a time. The cane is okay, I guess, and I will be really happy if you come that far.”
I know each word that comes out of my mouth hurts him, because I feel him becoming so still it’s frightening. God, I hate saying all this, but we need the issue resolved once and for all.
“If I could choose, what I would love the most would be for you to go back to where you were before that bomb.”
He’s still looking straight up until that last sentence, but he closes his eyes after hearing that.
“But that’s never going to happen, Roman. I know this is hard for you, and it tears me up inside. I would love to see you without the crutches, but only because I know that’s what would make you happy. That is the only reason. I love you, and I want you happy. I want that for you, so, so much.” I take his face in my hands and make him look at me. “As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t matter. With or without crutches, I love you the same, baby. Even if you have to go back to using the wheelchair. I don’t care. I don’t give a fuck, Roman. The only thing I want, is you. Can I have you, please?”
“You already have me,malysh.” He kisses the top of my head.
There is only silence after that. He isn’t convinced. I want to cry so damn much, but I somehow manage to keep myself together.
“Tell me, Roman, wouldn’t you love for us to be able to have sex in the normal way? Because I would. I would love nothing more than to have you above me, to feel your body pressing mine, pulling my hands above my head. Well, that’s not in the cards for me, for the foreseeable future at least. Maybe forever. Is that a problem? Will you get bored with my issues, decide to swap me with a less faulty version at some point? A woman who won’t involuntarily flinch when you approach her from behind unannounced? Or someone who won’t have a panic attack when you forget, and grab her wrist instead of her forearm?
“Do you think I haven’t noticed it’s always Dimitri or Ivan coming with us, never Kostya or Mikhail, or Sergei, who are all as tall as you? Or how they either sit down or leave the room when I come in? When I went into the kitchen a few days after Kostya was stabbed, he dropped down into the chair so abruptly, it’s a wonder he didn’t tear out his stitches. You had to instruct your men to fucking sit down when I enter a room so I wouldn’t freak out. I’m sure it’s tiring and frustrating, dealing with my issues. Will you decide to have me replaced with someone less fucked up at some point?”
“Christ, Nina.” He stares at me in shock. “How can you say something like that?”
“Oh, you don’t like how that sounds, huh? Well, fuck you, Roman,” I whisper, turn my face into his chest, and let the tears fall freely.
I feel his hand in my hair, his other arm coming around my waist, and in the next moment, he has me lying on top of him. He removes the strands of hair stuck to my teary face, and brushes the skin under my eyes with his thumbs.
“I’m so sorry,milaya. It’s just... I love you so bloody much. I’m scared shitless that you may walk away one day.”
I grind my teeth. “Give me your hand.”
He raises his eyebrow but does as I ask.
I lead his hand down between our bodies until it reaches between my legs, and I press his fingers over my wet panties. “You feel that, Roman? That’s what only lying next to you does to me. I’m so crazy about you, baby, that simply being close to you makes me dripping wet,” I whisper, and I feel him getting hard under me.
Slowly, he hooks his finger in the waistband of my panties and starts dragging them down.
“Off,” he barks.
“Roman, no...”
His other hand comes to them, and there’s a sudden sound of fabric tearing. I’m still stunned over the fact that he just tore my panties off of me when he pushes his boxer briefs down, grabs me around the waist, and slides me down his cock. It feels so good that my eyes roll in my head, while my muscles start spasming around his length.
“Mine,” he utters and slams into me. “Only mine. Say it.”
“Only yours, baby.”
Another slam and I’m done, my insides imploding. Shudders overtake my body. Roman groans under me, thrusts deep inside me, and I feel his seed filling me. Still coming down from the high, I drop onto his chest. That was the most mind-blowing one-minute sex I’ve ever experienced.
Roman’s arms come around my back, squeezing me to him, and I feel his lips kiss the top of my head.
“So, you’re staying for good?” he whispers.
“You are not getting rid of me even if you try. No way I’ll be able to find such a sexy husband again.” I smile and kiss him. “We’re closing this subject, Roman. Deal?”
“Deal. But I need you to know one thing. When I find that bastard who hurt you, I’m killing him.”
“No, you are not.” I squeeze his arm. “I don’t want to have anyone’s death on my conscience, so please, I beg you, forget about it.”
“Nina...”
“Please, we’re closing that subject, as well. You are not killing anyone for me. I can’t live with that. Please.”
When he doesn’t reply, I take his face in my palms and press my forehead to his.
“You won’t do that to me. You won’t seek him out, and you won’t kill him. If you love me, you won’t make me bear anyone’s death on my soul. Say you understand, Roman.”
There is silence and then, “Okay.”