He was staring beyond her shoulder, as if still processing what she’d said. He was going to need time. And she was okay with that. She needed it herself.
She came to her feet. “I am sorry for leading you on like this, Luke. I really am.” And she was, even if she’d had the best intentions. “I hope that, maybe with time, you and I can become friends. Because you’re a really, really great guy.”
He nodded, finally meeting her gaze. “I’d like that,” he said and smiled. Not a bright, all is forgiven smile, but it was slight and sincere all the same.
The weight she’d been feeling these past few days—likely the guilt for her deception—was suddenly gone and she felt the tiniest bit better. It was good to finally be honest with people again.
“Okay,” she said, returning his smile. “I’ll catch you later.”
She stopped short a few feet outside his door, however, when she nearly ran into Roz. For a moment, the woman’s eyes widened, and she looked slightly uncomfortable.
“Morning, Dr. Sorensen,” she said stiffly.
“Morning, Roz,” Benny returned. She had some suspicions as to whether the woman had overheard her conversation but it didn’t bother her. It wasn’t like her feelings for Luke had ever been a secret around the office. Or what she thought she’d felt for him anyway.
The woman didn’t rush away as Benny expected, though, instead taking a moment to study Benny as if for the first time. Then just before it became awkward, Roz nodded briefly with something that almost seemed like…approval, and walked away.
Benny shook her head, not even trying to understand what happened but feeling a sense that she’d somehow finally gained Roz’s approval.
She continued to her office, relieved to finally reach the sanctuary. She shut the door and sank back against it, processing her morning.
Hearing Luke describe how it was her finally having the confidence in herself to speak to him that first brought her more firmly onto his radar confirmed what Daisy had been saying. Benny had been selling herself short for too long.
She hadn’t realized that maybe being herself was enough.
Not to say she was going to do a complete 360 and revert back to wearing scrubs on a daily basis or not giving a hoot about her appearance. But she could see now that by eschewing those things, she’d been hiding. That she had been the tiniest bit afraid that people would think she was trying to be something or someone she wasn’t. That she was a fraud.
She’d been wrong. There wasn’t anything wrong with wanting to look her best. With wanting to feel a little pretty. It made her feel good about herself, gave her confidence in ways she hadn’t appreciated before.
So even though half the crap that Henry had dished out might have been completely moronic, half of the crap had actually also been…right.
Henry.
Her heart felt heavy when she conjured his face. His voice. His touch.
Tears swiftly swelled but she whipped her hands up to wipe them away.
Stop.
She couldn’t break down again or she might not be able to hold herself together. It had taken every ounce of her strength to get out of bed this morning and push him and the memory of his rejection to the back of her mind.
But it didn’t mean she didn’t feel the pain.
The only solace she took from the evening was that she’d laid out her feelings, told him everything. She’d been honest with him. Even if he wasn’t able to say the same things back.
She sniffled and took in a deep breath.
There was one more thing she had to do to fully move on. To protect herself from the pain she’d experience every time she saw Henry, whether alone or with another woman. She glanced at her watch. She had two minutes left to still do it.
Pulling her cellphone out of her pocket, she dialed the number she’d thought she wouldn’t need again for a very long time.
Voicemail.
She took a breath. “Hi, Vivienne. It’s Benny Sorensen. I need your help again. I’m putting my place back on the market.”
…
It was nearly noon on Saturday when Henry stumbled from his apartment with a bag of garbage, the remnants of a large—albeit quiet—party he’d had last night to try and fill the void that had taken a permanent place in his life since Benny had walked out his door the week before.