He would kill Luca.
And despite everything, I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if that happened. I wanted to get away from him, yes, because I knew this life wasn’t something I could ever accept. Because I hated him just as much as I craved him. But live in a world without him in it?
I didn’t think I could do it, especially knowing I was the reason he was no longer there. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I had purposefully caused someone else’s death.
My breath caught on a sob, and I moved my hand over my mouth to stifle it. I couldn’t let anyone hear me. If they did, Enzo would be here in a flash, demanding to know what was going on. I didn’t know how long I’d be able to hide in this closet before he came looking for me anyway. Of course, I could always tell him I’d just gotten overwhelmed about leaving the only home I’d known for all of my adult life. Or I could tell him I was on my period. Or both. That should shut him up pretty quick.
But the shaking. I had to stop the shaking.
Taking a breath, and then another, I clambered onto my knees and started going through my clothes again, trying to keep my mind on anything but what had just happened. Hopefully, by the time I came out of this room, Mario’s guy would be out in the truck, and I could use the ride home with Enzo to get my shit together before I saw Luca. Because I knew if he saw me like this, if he started demanding what was going on—or worse, showed concern—I would lose it.
I’d completely fucking lose it.
Okay, Veda. Get your shit together.
I finished packing what clothes I wanted, and by the time I pushed the boxes out to the living room, Enzo was sitting on the floor against the wall, waiting for me, one arm on his bent knee as he rubbed the tips of his fingers together. His phone was in his other hand. All of my furniture was gone, and the kitchen cabinets were all open and empty. The only thing that was left out here were my fake plants. Even the trash was gone.
When he saw me, Enzo closed whatever he was looking at on his phone and rose to his feet. “Do you wanna keep those?” he asked, pointing his chin at the plants. His sunglasses were on top of his head, resting in his dark, spiked hair, allowing me to see his eyes. They were haunted by the things he’d seen and done in his life, but not cold. There was a speck of something there. The same something that made him so patient with me when we were training. It was the thing that made me trust him, even though he was just as scary as Luca, if not more so.
I glanced over to the breakfast nook and shook my head. “Um, no. They can go with the other stuff I don’t want.” I smiled at him, still a bit shaky, but there. “They’re not real. I never had the time to keep a plant alive. Or a pet. Even though I’ve always wanted both.”
With a nod of understanding, he walked over and gathered up the plants to take down to the Dumpster. “Let’s go, then. I need to get you back. I’ll send someone up for one of those boxes.”
With one last look around, I picked up the smaller of the two and followed him out to the SUV, carefully keeping my eyes down as he ordered a couple of the others to run back inside for the other box and whatever was left in the closet. Shoving my box into the back seat, I climbed into the passenger side, leaving my door open to let some of the heat out. Not that it was much cooler outside. The summers in Texas were a bitch.
The ride back to the lake house was blessedly silent and cool, thanks to Enzo cranking the AC in the car. As soon as we got there, I grabbed my box, thanked Enzo, and, after he assured me he’d bring up the other larger box personally, I hurried upstairs to Luca’s room to unpack and take a shower.
Dropping the box outside of the closet, I locked myself in the bathroom, stripped off my sweaty clothes, and got into the shower.
As soon as the water was on, the dam I’d built up around my emotions burst free. A choked sound escaped. And then another. And then I started crying with great, heaving sobs. Disoriented, I threw out my hands until I hit the tiled wall, wet from the steam of the shower, and put my back to it. My legs gave out, and I slid down to land hard on my ass, my hands coming up to cover my face as fear wracked my body so hard I couldn’t breathe.