“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She raises her hands as if to defend herself from me and backs up. She bumps into the metal of her vehicle.
“Seriously.” My eyes narrow into slits, and I ball my hands into fists. “I’m not going to hurt you.” I inhale and try to relax my muscles. Saying I’m not going to hurt her and coming at her like a bull is sending some mixed signals.
“No.” She shakes her head.
“Damn it, Natalie.” I’m not her asshole of a father. The prick used to punch her for sport. My heart slams into my throat. Is that why she left? Did he hurt her? The motherfucker. I’ll kill him. My breathing is ragged as I try and stop the intense rage running through my body.
“No.” She steps forward and grabs my forearms. “I would never think you were going to hurt me. You never have, and you never will.”
I sigh, “Thank God.”
“Shit.” Her face falls, and she releases her death grip. “I forgot about your arm.” She bites her lower lip and lifts my injured arm into the light. “Is it okay? It’s not bleeding again, is it?”
“It’s fine.” Hell, I can’t feel anything. From the second she touched me; I can’t think about anything else. Her fingers are delicate and soft as they burn into my flesh.
Once again, she’s branding herself into my soul. The woman I gave up ever seeing again is back in our hometown standing in front of me with her pouty lips open as she twists and turns my arm searching for damage. That’s not where the damage is. It’s my aching heart and my throbbing dick.
“Okay.” She drops my arm and shifts backward to put space between us.
“Why did you leave?” My voice is soft. I’m not positive she hears it over the breeze blowing her hair across her face.
Her eyes fill with tears, and she crosses her arms over her chest. “It was too long ago to matter.”
That’s such a bullshit cop-out. What are you afraid of? “It matters to me.”
She shakes her head and backs up again. “It shouldn’t. The past is the past. We need to move on. Surely, you’ve moved on.”
I shove my hands into my pockets. Is she married? Does she have children? My mouth dries, and I try to swallow over what feels like the Sahara Desert. “Have you?”
The words are in the air before I can get them back. Don’t answer. I don’t want to know. Knowing means, I can’t sleep with her in my mind every night. If she belongs to another man, I have to let her go. Tears prick my eyes.
“It doesn’t matter.” She grabs the door handle and yanks it open.
I shouldn’t be glad she evades my question, but I am. This way I can safely keep her in my heart where she’s always been. “Where are you staying?”
“With my father.”
“No. You can’t.” The vein in my forehead twitches and I swallow hard.
“It’s where I belong.” She shakes her head. “He’s dying.”
“Serves the fucker right.” I spit on the pavement.
“Trey!”
“Natalie, he’s a cocksucker. He beat on you because you were female and reminded him of your mom. He’s a weak coward.”
“He’s not like that anymore.” Her eyes plead for me to understand.
“Only because he doesn’t have the strength. You should leave. Don’t stay with him.”
“He’s family. The only family I have besides Lilli
an.” Tears slip down her cheeks as she slides into the car and slams the door shut.
“I was your family,” I mutter even though she can’t hear me. I want to shout, ‘I’m still your family,’ but she’s not ready to listen, and I’m not in the frame of mind to tell her without sounding like an asshole.
Whatever pushed her away is still eating her up twelve years later. Do I waste my time trying to figure it out, or let it go for good?