Stop. Go slow. Don’t scare her off. I will be better off redeveloping a friendship with her and then begging her to love me. If I start with demanding her love, she’s going to disappear.
“Thank you, Trey. You’re as wonderful as ever, but I can’t impose. I’ll go to Lillian’s tomorrow.”
“Don’t go back tonight.” Panic wells inside me. What if he does something to her? Maybe he’s not as strong as he used to be, but it’s doubtful he’s gotten rid of his Colt .45.
“It’s fine.” She releases my hands.
“I can’t help it. The thought of you under his roof kills me.” I rake my hands through my hair and down my face. “I know it is irrational, but I don’t think I can live with myself knowing you’re lying under the same roof with him. You’ve already said he hasn’t changed.”
“Trey, he’s never hurt me like that.” She shrugs. “A few bumps and bruises are all he’s ever done.”
My jaw ticks. “That’s enough. Not to mention, I thought he’d killed you, and it tore me in pieces.”
“What?” Her mouth drops open, and she gawks in confusion.
“When you left, I couldn’t figure out what happened. The only thing that made sense was he did something to you.”
“Fuck.” Her hands drop into her lap. “I’m sorry, Trey. I should have never left the way I did, but I didn’t have another option. It was the only thing I could do at the time.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t expect you too.” Tears fill her eyes and slide in a trail down her cheeks. “It killed me too, but it was what was best for you.” She rubs her hands over the wooden surface. “I was pregnant, and I couldn’t let you give up your future for my mistake.”
The words spin in my head. I can’t breathe as my heart slams against my ribs. My hands shake, and I swallow over the lump in my throat.
As hard as I try, I can’t figure out what question to ask. How? What happened? Do I have an eleven-year-old child somewhere? How could she never tell me? Why didn’t she tell me? Did she give the baby up? What the fuck? All the questions are spinning at once.
What am I supposed to feel? Angry? Bitter? Sad? Happy? I’ve never been as shocked in my life. Natalie leaving was a punch in the gut. The reason behind her disappearance is a devastation I wasn’t anticipating.
Chapter Eight
Natalie
My head pounds as the words circle in the air between us. I see the anger radiating through his body, and I don’t blame him. He has every right to despise me. If I was in his shoes, I’d feel the same way. However, those weren’t the hard words to say. The next ones are lodged in my throat.
After twelve years, they still drop me to my knees. “When I was three months pregnant, I lost the baby.”
“Shit.” He rubs his hand over his face and then holds his head up with his fingers resting against his forehead.
The noise of the other customers is a blur as we sit across from each other in silence. “When I found out graduation night, I knew I had to leave. If I told you we were having a baby, you would have skipped college to take care of us. I couldn’t let you do that. I was going to come back after you started school.”
Finally, he peers at me with tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I wish I would have known. I would have been there for you.”
I grab his hands in mine. “I know you would have.”
He studies me. “I take care of my responsibilities.”
“I know.” I release his hands and place mine in my lap. “When I lost the baby, I was heartbroken. I spent six months at my grandmother’s in a severe depression. By the time I was able to do anything besides think about our sweet angel being gone, it was too late to come back.”
“Never.” He stares at me intently.
“Yes, it was.” I smile weakly. “You had moved on.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I’ve never moved on.”
My heart skips a beat, and I lick my lips. Does he really mean it? How could he have never moved on? I’m not stupid. He doesn’t mean he’s not been with anyone else, but does that mean he’s never fallen in love again? Could I be that lucky?
Don’t be stupid. You don’t deserve him. You deserve to spend your life alone and miserable. My dad’s words reverberate inside my head. He’s right. Trey deserves someone with no baggage. “Listen, Trey. I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you sooner. It wouldn’t have changed anything, but you deserved to know.”