Chapter 9
Calder
Things with Maggieare progressing, and I know without a doubt she’s the one. I’ve never felt so intensely in love before. My parents love her. I received a text from my mom on our way home from dinner that said if you don’t marry this girl you’re crazy. I’m not anywhere near ready to take that step and I know Maggie isn’t either. She still has secrets and now I am not sure if I want to know what they are. Things are going so good for us I don’t want anything messing up what we are building together. I’m terrified she will tell me something that will alter my feelings for her but at the same time I need to know what’s holding her back. If we are going to work, she is going to have to come clean and I am going to have to be able to handle it whatever it is.
I finish laying my uniform out for tomorrow and go through the doorway between our places. I want to tell her I want it to stay open. It’s a step toward us living together. I know it’s fast and sudden, but I don’t want to waste even a minute with her. I lost so much time feeling down and sorry over the things that went on in the past with Carly. I don’t want to be that man. I want to be with Maggie and build towards our life together. I don’t know how I know but I can feel it. I’m going to marry her someday.
I watch as she gets ready for bed and turns the covers down. I don’t want to push her too soon or pry but if we are going to move forward something needs to give.
Something is eating at her and I don’t know what could have changed in the past ten minutes that we were apart. She’s sighed three times since we got in bed. Her head is on my chest and I’m stroking my fingers through her silky hair. “What’s wrong, Maggie?”
“You’re so wonderful I know that when I tell you certain things that it will change how you feel about me. I am so scared I am going to lose you and I’m going to crash and burn.”
“Nothing you are about to say is going to change how I feel about you. I get that you’re scared but crash into me. I’ll soften your fall.”
“You don’t know that. You don’t know what I have been holding back.” Her tears trickle down my side.
“If you love me like you say you do you’ll be able to tell me anything. Anything.”
“I want to tell you and I am going to.” She pulls away and sits up in the bed.
“My name’s not Maggie. It’s June. I was involved with a bad man. My ex he was horrible to me and the people he worked for are bad men. Dangerous men. I had to get away before he killed me, so I ran, and I got a fake ID. I left June behind and became Maggie. I’ve been so scared that they will find me because I know things about them. About their business.”
“Did he hurt you?”
She nods. “I lost a baby because of them.”
“Baby, they will never hurt you again. I’m so sorry.” I embrace her and kiss the top of her head relishing in the cherry vanilla scent that I will always associate with her. “Give me their names and I swear to you they will never get near you.”
Her head moves side to side. “I can’t. The less you know the better.”
“I can protect you.” My voice comes out harsher than I intended but I am aggravated that she has been carrying this on her own. “I’m a cop, Maggie or June. I don’t know what I should call you.”
“Maggie. June’s dead. She no longer exists. Call me Maggie.”
“I wish you’d tell me, so I would know what we’re up against. If they show up here, baby, I won’t let them hurt you, but why would they come after you?”
“I took something that belonged to them. Only I didn’t know I had it until it was too late.”
“What did you take?”
“I’ll show you, but you have to know that I am only keeping it because it’s my safety net if they do come after me. It’s my bargaining chip. I’m not a bad person, Calder. I just got involved with the wrong guy and I couldn’t get away. For a long time, I thought there was no way out.”
“Do you have something illegal?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t show me, Maggie. Don’t tell me what it is. Don’t tell me where it is, because if you do...I don’t want to arrest you.”
“You’d turn me in?”
“I don’t know, but I swore an oath. I could lose my job.”
“Do you love me, Calder? Really and truly love me?”
“Yes,” I answer her without a doubt in my mind.
“Then I trust you.” Climbing out of bed she goes over to the closet and tosses a duffle bag on the mattress.
Pinching the bridge of my nose I know that whatever is in this bag it is nothing good. “What’s in there?”
“Open it and then you do whatever it is you think you have to.”
“Maggie...I”
“Just open the bag,” she insists.
I don’t want to open this bag, but I will because it is important to her. I unzip it and turn it over, dumping the contents out. There’s three large stacks of money held together by rubber bands and a brick of drugs. “Jesus, Maggie. Is that what I think it is?”
Her head bobs up and down. “Yeah. Its cocaine. So you see, I have their money and some of their drugs.” She grimaces, and I fall back on the pillow unsure of what I am supposed to do now. “Are you mad?” I look up at her and she’s staring at me putting her future in my hands. She fidgets, twisting her fingers together and after all that she has told me, I love her even more because she trusts me enough to tell me her dirty secret and her ugly past.
I laugh. “Am I mad? Fuck. Yes, I’m mad but I love you and no I’m not turning you in. Just stuff that shit back in the bag and hide it somewhere other than your closet.”