“I was going to tell you,” she whispered, cutting me off.
Was I supposed to believe her? Part of me wanted to—desperately. Still, I cocked an eyebrow in disbelief.
She walked away then, and I thought she was putting an end to the conversation, but she returned a moment later.
“I was going to tell you as soon as these were finished,” she laid a thin stack of papers in my hands, but I stared at them half-blindly until the title on the first page caught my attention. They were legal documents, and with a quick glance, I realized they were legal documents detailing future custody agreements.
“I couldn’t keep it from you, but after what happened I figured you didn’t want…you’d prefer not…I came to the conclusion you didn’t want me in your life. But you were right about Michelle. You had a right to know about Abby. But I also wanted you to know you didn’t have to do this; you weren’t obligated in any way.”
And she was telling the truth; the documents essentially set forth that I could choose to be as much or as little a part in our child’s life, and that no financial obligations would be placed on me for the care of the child.
She really had intended to tell me about the baby, and more than that, she’d gone to great lengths to make sure this baby wouldn’t be a stranger to me like Abby had been. And after the way I’d acted, how difficult had it been on her to face the prospect of sharing custody, being forced to interact with me on a regular basis?
And that’s when it hit me—I was an ass. How else could one describe a man who’d gotten angry not once, not twice, but three times, and each time it had been uncalled for? I let out a heavy sigh, preparing to admit the truth. “I’ve been a total ass.”
“Yes.”
“You’re not going to let me off the hook easy, are you?”
“No.”
For a woman who could converse easily with just about anyone, she sure did seem to be keeping the conversation to a minimum. Maybe I really had blown it. And the worst part was I couldn’t blame her. I’d made mistake after mistake, generally resulting in her being unfairly accused of shit she didn’t do. What kind of woman would want to put up with that on a regular basis?
“I’m not good at this, Emma, not even a little. I’ve been terrified of winding up just like my folks—divorced so many times I think their lawyers keep an open spot in their calendars just for the next one. And honestly, no other woman has ever done a thing to change my mind. But you did…and it scared me. I was more than willing to jump to find the negative because I was terrified of what would happen if I couldn’t find it.”
She smiled. “I’m terrified, too,” she confessed, and I felt whatever it was that had been gripping my heart tight loosen its grasp just a little. “What do you say we try being terrified together?” she asked.
She was actually going to let me off the hook just like that? Damn, she was an amazing woman. And I wasn’t going to forget that ever again. “I want you to come home with me.”
“Home? You mean back to being your nanny?”
“No, Emma. I want to be a part of your life, and I want to be a part of this baby’s life,” I told her, touching her stomach gently. There was no difference; her stomach was still just as flat as it had been the first time I’d stripped her naked, and yet our child grew there now.
“Oh.”
“Just ‘oh’?”
“I mean, I want that too. It’s just…if you want me to come home with you so you can be a part of our baby’s life…well, you don’t have to do that. I would never keep her from you.”
“I know you wouldn’t. So, does that mean you’ve decided we’re having a girl?”
“Yes, actually. I thought Abby would like a little sister,” she smiled.
“I think Abby would love that. But I’m sure she’d be thrilled with a little brother, too.”
“Well, she’s just going to have to wait for the next baby to get one,” she said matter-of-factly. “But Ryan, are you sure about this? About us?”
“Emma, I am so sure about us that I want to do something I swore I’d never do.”
“And what’s that?”
“I want to get married. I want to marry you, Emma McKenna.”
Her lips parted in surprise, and I couldn’t help but chuckle at the adorably sexy, stunned look on her face. She seemed to recover quickly though.
“I want that, too.”
“So, you’ll come home with me?”