SOFIA
“I’m thinking about things that are better forgotten.”
“Why are you doing that?”
“Trying not to repeat past mistakes.”
“Like what?”
“Getting in so deep with a man that I lose sight of myself.”
“I’d never let that happen. I love yourself and the sight of you.”
Smiling, I look over at him. “You’re nothing like him, and I know that.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“I’m serious,” I say with a laugh. “You’re not going to suddenly turn into a control freak, are you?” I learned that expression from a friend who was married to a man like Joaquín.
“Nope.”
“But the thing is, I didn’t expect him to either. He wasn’t like that when we first got together. The changes happened slowly, and I was so caught up in Mateo and motherhood and everything that comes with it that I missed the signs. By the time I figured out what’d happened, I was completely isolated from everyone in my life, had no access to money or resources and was stuck in a nightmare.”
He tightens the grip he has on the steering wheel as his jaw pulses with tension. “I hate that he did that you.”
“I let him do it.”
“No, you didn’t,” he says in a harsh tone. “Do not blame yourself.”
“I appreciate that you’re always on my side, Nico, but I did let it happen. I put up with his bullshit for so long that he didn’t see any limits to what he could do. If I had fought back, he might not have gone so far with it.”
“Or he might’ve killed you and/or Mateo. You did what you had to do to survive. Don’t ever second-guess what you might’ve done to appease a guy who’d do what he did to Milo.”
“I guess, but I still wish I’d been less of a doormat with him.”
“You were afraid for yourself and your child. Maybe you didn’t see it as fear at the time, but deep inside, you knew you needed to be careful with him. And he worked that fear to get what he wanted.”
I think that over for a second or two. “I guess that’s true.”
“It is true. You were afraid of him long before he gave you actual reasons to be, or you never would’ve put up with his crap.”
“I’m different now than I was then.”
“How so?”
“Since Mateo got sick, my life has changed in every possible way. After that day at the clinic, Maria went home and told your family about us. Your grandmothers came swooping in with money and a job and food and everything we needed. They completely changed my life. They gave me the resources and the confidence to file for divorce through a lawyer who comes into the restaurant every week and to be truly independent for the first time. I’m nothing like I was before that. I hate to think I have Mateo’s illness to thank for changing things for the better, but it did that for us. It woke me up to what I’d been allowing in my marriage, and thanks to your grandmothers, I was able to do something about it.”
“What happened when you told him you were leaving?”
“I never told him. I just did it. I had only just secured a job and an apartment when Mateo got sick, and I was so afraid I was going to lose it all. Then your grandmothers showed up with everything we needed, including an even better job than the one I’d found for myself. One of our regular customers is a lawyer and had Joaquín served with divorce papers. The protective order came later, when he kept showing up at my place without being invited or having visitation with Mateo. And I couldn’t believe when the court said he could have him one night a week. He never did a thing for him and had no business having him. I was terrified the first few times, especially because of how fragile Mateo was after his surgery. Joaquín had no interest in his condition except to say that whatever they did to him fucked him up and we ought to sue.”
“What an idiot.”
“You have no idea what an idiot he is. He ranted to every doctor, including Jason, about what was done to his kid. I’ll never forget what Jason said to him. ‘I saved your child’s life. If you want to sue me for that, feel free.’”
Nico’s laugh rings through the truck cab and makes me smile. “That’s awesome. Good for him.”
“It was all I could do not to laugh in Joaquín’s face. He made such a fool of himself. I was so embarrassed after everything Jason had done for us—for free, too. I made sure he knew Joaquín didn’t speak for both of us.”