CHAPTERNINE
Iget back to a very quiet house. So quiet, I feel like I have to tiptoe around like I don’t live here, frightened that the real owner might jump out at me with a gun or a baseball bat.
I really am going crazy.
A tiny bark sounds from the kitchen and when I emerge, Max bounds towards me like a galloping horse, jumping up into my arms and immediately licking my face. I giggle, snuggling my head into his.
“Do you want to go walkies, little scamp? Do you? Do you?” He furiously wags his tail, shaking with uncontrollable excitement. I place him down and then head for a door that’s in the kitchen, situated next to the balcony doors. It’s intriguing me to know where it heads—if anywhere.
“Come on, boy,” I sing, and the little patter of scraping claws taps around the floorboards as he follows me.
I reach the door and open it, completely shocked to find a glass elevator right at the far end. Max walks into it as soon as the door is open, which leads me to believe he’s done this before. I follow in, tapping the button for the ground floor. Max sits diligently at my feet, his tongue out, panting as we wait for the elevator to stop. When the doors open, I’m greeted by the expanse of the most beautiful beach I have ever seen. Max barks, bolting towards the sand, leaving me behind to chase after him.
“Hey, wait up!” I shout, looking back and wondering if I’m supposed to press a button to make the doors shut or something. Luckily, they close automatically, but the elevator stays on the ground floor.
I chase after Max towards the sea, enjoying the quiet freedom this gives me. There’s not a soul on the beach, which makes me wonder if this is all ours. Wow, imagine being so rich that you have a whole beach area to yourself?
The air is humid, but a cool breeze offers a welcoming respite. It’s twilight already, the setting sun in the distance offering a blasting display of orange across the sky. I take in a deep, welcoming breath, enjoying this moment of calm. It’s the first time I have felt calm in two days. It makes me wish I could stay like this forever.
Max yaps again, running around in circles next to the water. I start to chase him, causing him to bark even louder, and me to laugh out loud. Running around, even after a dog, feels so freeing.
Approaching the water, Max runs backwards every time a wave comes near him and then forward as the wave retreats. He tells it off, growling at it like the waves are doing something he doesn’t like. I throw my head back, laughing at his silliness.
“Come on, Max. Let’s go for a proper walk along this beach, shall we?”
Max makes a gruff sound as if replying to my question, following diligently as I set a pace. As the sun sets, the sky turns an even deeper orange. It looks like the sky is on fire. I wonder—for a moment—if I ever set Eli on fire at one time in our lives. Surely when we met, we were like a couple on honeymoon, unable to keep our hands off each other. A part of me is jealous of the Kendra I don’t remember. The Kendra who got to experience all this in the beginning with him. This territory is a complete unknown to me and it frankly scares me to death.
The last thing I want is a husband who hates me.
My feet sink into the wet sand as we walk farther and farther away from the lights of the house and into a darker unknown. I’m not scared, actually strangely intrigued by what I might find as I walk towards some rocks at the end of this stretch of beach. I begin to ascend the rocks, Max jumping up with me as I climb. When I reach the top, I stand up, noticing on the other side is blocked off by barbed wire and a sheer drop towards a more public beach. On that beach there are people walking around, no doubt having a stroll before their dinners. Lights trail down the adjacent street, the noise of restaurants and nightlife echoing through the night sky.
I don’t know how long I stand there, but when Max barks again, I realize it’s getting very dark now and maybe Max is telling me we should head back.
“Okay, little scamp. Let’s get going home, shall we?”
The word “home” fills me with a sense of sadness as I carefully make my way down the rocks and towards the huge, impressive expanse of the house. Max soon snaps me out of it when he finds a ball he must have dropped before and places it at my feet. For a few minutes, I throw the ball for him, running and laughing. I never knew a dog could bring such joy into my life.
This thought gives me pause. Have I never owned a dog before Max?
I shrug the thought off, running around in as many circles as Max is, enjoying the euphoria of playing with him as much as he is.
The twinkling lights of the house interrupt my focus—it’s like some unseen force makes me glance that way.
Sure enough, that unseen force is Eli. He’s on the balcony, leaning over, a couple of buttons of his crisp white shirt undone. He’s holding something amber in his hands, his body quivering in… is that laughter? I see a glint in the light, his smile the most precious sight I have ever seen—not that I know what I’ve seen in my life. It’s just… I feel it in my gut. He was watching me, laughing at me… enjoying me. A sight any wife would hold dear to her heart. A sight any wife would cherish as a moment in her lifetime that she must capture, store, and replay again and again. A moment to savor. A moment to cherish.
But, when he notices that I’ve spotted him, his laughter abruptly stops, his smile wavering, his eyes… dark. For a moment, I can’t look away, his stare is so penetrating. But then Max lets out a woof, demanding my attention, so I start running with him towards the elevator. As I’m riding up with Max, I take in a deep breath. I’m actually nervous about meeting my husband. Without knowing Eli, how can I know how his mood will be once I emerge from the elevator?
I take in another deep breath. I may be nervous, but a huge part of me is… excited? Yes, this must be excitement. At the end of the day, he was laughing at me, wasn’t he? He was finding enjoyment in watching me in the beach with Max—our dog—as we played together in the sand, a childlike enjoyment filling my face. An enjoyment he felt compelled to watch. That must mean there’s something between us… right?
I race to the top, the doors opening out into the kitchen. I feel a rush of adrenaline as the doors open, spilling light into the room. I take an almost excited, but nervous, step onto the balcony, thinking he’s still there, but I find nothing but an empty space.
Maybe he decided to move into the living room?
I walk swiftly into the living room, an excitable Max on my tail, chasing me like he’s in on this game we’re playing.
He’s not there.
It takes only a fraction of a second, but I realize it.
He’s left.
He doesn’t want to be with me… speak with me, even.
It’s then that I feel it. The melancholy… the rejection.
I must be the worst wife in the world.