“Well, you can’t,” I murmur. “One of the first lessons you learn as a teacher is you can’t save every student. And it’s arrogance to believe you can.”
He turns, studies me, expression inscrutable. “Doesn’t mean you don’t try.”
I nod. “Just as long as you know when to step back and let go. If not, you both will go under.”
We stare at one another for several long moments, then I drop my gaze to the desk and pick up my pen.
“I need to get back to work,” I say, avoiding that scrutiny that’s as heavy as a hand wrapped around my throat.
“India.”
“No, Asa. I understand why you left—believe me, I do. I also get that you’re trying to protect everyone in a difficult situation. But I can’t be a casualty to your friendship anymore. Before, you didn’t owe me anything. Now?” I curl my fingers around the pen, briefly closing my eyes, unable to voice the pain, the damage it would inflict to watch him relegate me to an afterthought. A problem to be handled. “I promised myself I wouldn’t harm myself again. And I won’t let you do it either.”
His frown reappeared, fierce and furious. “I’d never hurt you. Do you really think so little of me—”
“You already did this morning,” I whisper. And his head jerks back, his expression blanking. “You should go, Asa.”
His big body quivers with tension, and for a moment, I think he’s going to deny my request and storm around the desk. And if he did that… God help me, I don’t know if I would be able to resist him.
But I won’t have to find out.
He ends up giving me an abrupt nod and leaving. Taking the air in the room with him like a huge vacuum. With a shuddering sigh, I sink into the chair behind me, clutching the chair’s arms. Revelations from our conversation whirl in my head.
Asa wants me—has for a long time—but he won’t let himself have me. With his body, yes. But where it matters? I’ll never be his.
And he’ll never be mine.
Because both of us will always be Jessie’s.