My trust.
My love.
Our home.
A lifetime of happy exchanged for a few minutes of pleasure.
It was the night of Murder’s bachelor party. I guess you could say Link and I both had grown complacent. Comfortable. When you’ve been together as long as we have things are bound to get stale and adopting a baby changes everything. You go from two people who have sex all the time to once a month if you’re lucky. I knew he was unhappy, but I ignored the signs until it was too late, and he sought out the comfort of a clubwhore instead of mine. His wife.
The woman he swore to love and protect.
Alexa was going to the clubhouse to be with Murder. My sister, Jules had made some offhanded remark about Link telling Roane things weren’t good between us. Another stab to my heart. He should’ve come to me. Not my brother-in-law. Blood boiling, I decided to pay him a visit being Zoe had Connor. Had I stayed home I wouldn’t have walked through the doors of the Devil’s Playground and witnessed my husband looking all sexy and broody. Slouched down in a chair where everyone could see. His head tilted back. Pleasure etched in his features as he had his grip on a bleach blonde whore’s head. Hair that belonged to skanky ass Danika. The bitch on her knees between his legs going to town on my man’s dick. My heart ceased beating. Breath caught in my throat. Time froze. Chills fanned up and down my arms.
I never thought in a million years he’d ever step out on me. Sure, I’d said some shit to him I didn’t mean, but for him to act on it gutted me to my core. I did the only thing I could to stop myself from carving his heart out of his chest. I got stupid drunk. Drunk enough to block it all out. Drunk enough that I didn’t have to face his betrayal until I had to.
I wanted to kill him. I still do. It’d be easy to blame Danika, but she didn’t marry me. He did. I know her type. I’ve seen enough just like her come and go through the years. Cut sluts. Whores who will fuck anyone who rides a motorcycle and has a patch. I wanted to claw her eyes out. I still do, but I’m not truly mad at her. Link did this. He cheated. Tossed me aside for what? A few minutes of pleasure. From a bitch who only wants to use him for a meal ticket. A free ride. I know the type. The desperate ones are always easy to spot and I can’t believe he fell for it.
Alcohol numbed the pain for a little while but not long enough. I went through the motions at first. Pretending I could look the other way. Pretend that I was fine. Tell myself he wouldn’t do it again. That I was strong enough to get through anything as long as I had him. My bearded man who loved me so much he cheated on me. My heart can’t eat those lies.
My head won’t stand for it either.
We fought. He apologized. We fought some more, and then he hit the road after Alexa and Murder got married. I’ve not laid eyes on him in weeks.
Where do we go from here?
How do I lay next to him at night knowing another woman’s mouth has been on him? This isn’t like the arrangement we made with Nickel when we were trying for a baby. Link was there. It was three times. In the end none of it mattered. My eggs suck and Link shoots blanks. At least I don’t have to worry that he’ll get someone who isn’t me pregnant. That would be more than I can endure.
I’ve spent the past three days completely numb. He’s been on the road doing a run for the club but who is to say he isn’t screwing someone right now. Even if he is texting me that means nothing. I can’t trust him. I rol
l out of bed and check the baby monitor. Connor is asleep. He’s such a good baby, but his sleeping patterns are usually shit no matter what we try. I wore him out earlier though with lots of floor time. He’s crawling like crazy right now and attempting to stand.
Link loves being a father. I won’t take that away from him despite how hurt I am, but I can’t look at him. I can’t hear his voice right now. Our wedding picture stares at me from the dresser. Taunting me. Reminding me of how happy we were in the beginning.
Young. Wild. Free.
There was no one for me but him. Though I made him work for it.
My sexy biker. Tall. Dark hair. Not too long or short. Perfect for running my fingers through. It was lust at first sight between us. I knew within the first minute of him opening his mouth I would fuck his brains out and I did. It didn’t matter I had showed up on the back of Vince’s bike. A biker who rode on occasion with the Birds of Hell MC. I’d gotten hooked up with him when I was working at a Harley shop. He came in for a t-shirt and left with me.
I’d only known him about four months when he brought me to a party the Royal Bastards were hosting and there was Link. All broody and mysterious. A tree of a man I wanted to climb. We locked eyes across the bonfire, and I knew he was mine and I’d forever be his.
All he wanted back then was me. I was enough for him. I stare at the photo wishing I could go back. Only I know there is no going back. Time can’t be erased. Neither can memories.
Neither can the visions of him with her that cloud my head.
A fog I can’t escape no matter how hard I try.
Nothing ever stays the same. Time changes people, places, and things. We aren’t immune. I always promised myself I’d never live a life full of regrets. I’ve seen what it does to people. How it destroys. Poisons them from the inside out.
I refuse to live like that. To be a Ruthie. A dumb cunt who looks the other way and plays pretend.
My phone sounds with another text.
Link: Babe, I’ll be home tomorrow. I’ll have Zoe keep Connor so we can work this out. See you soon.
The hell he will. I grab the picture frame, saunter down the hallway to the front door, open it and fling the past out the door. God that felt good.
I fire off another text of my own.