Mercedes is curled into me, dark hair fanned out over my chest, her chin against my shoulder. One hand is laid flat over my heart. I hold my breath for a moment when I see that. It’s the same every morning. And so is my reaction to it.
My arm is beneath her neck and she’s so warm and soft tucked into me like she is that I don’t want to move.
But I need to get out of the bed and dressed before she wakes up. I don’t want her to startle to find me beside her half naked. The memory of what happened between us prior to the incident is still very clearly etched into my brain and even given what’s come to pass, I need to take care that we don’t slip back into that other impossible situation.
I slide my arm out from under her and slip out of the bed. I wash my face then brush my teeth. I need to shave, too, but those things are still in my own bathroom. When I return to the bedroom, I’m surprised to see Mercedes awake and trying to sit up.
We both freeze for a moment, staring at each other. Her gaze moves over me, taking in my naked torso, the pajama pants. My bare feet. By the time she meets my eyes again, she’s steeled herself and I can’t read her.
“What are you doing in here?” she asks, her voice hoarse from not having spoken for so long.
“Let me help you.”
“I don’t need your help.”
“You do.” I go to her, adjust the pillows. I’m careful not to touch her and grit my teeth when she winces, hissing through her teeth as she sits up against them. She looks at her arm, the bandage on the back of her hand where the IV was connected. There’s a tiny bruise where the needle had gone in.
“Where are my pills?” she asks, glancing at the empty nightstand.
“After breakfast,” I tell her. It’s aspirin, just a low dose of aspirin.
“I need them.”
“After breakfast, Mercedes.” I walk toward the chair where my clothes from yesterday have been folded. I pull on my sweater.
“I need the pills. It hurts.”
“You’ll get them after breakfast. The doctor said it’s time to wean you off.”
Her forehead furrows. “It’s just a week ago.”
I shake my head. “Two weeks and a day now.”
“Two weeks?”
I nod.
She looks upset by this. Upset and confused.
“Theron is gone. He won’t hurt you again.”
At the mention of his name her eyes fill up and she clenches the sheet, shifting beneath it. How much does she remember? How much of what he did to her. Of what I did to him.
“Where’s Lois?” she asks and I’m relieved.
“Would you like me to go get her?”
She nods, looks away from me like she can’t quite hold my gaze.
I bow my head and walk out of the room to find Lois just coming up the stairs. “She wants you.”
Lois stops when she sees my face but doesn’t say anything. I wait by the door as Lois enters.
“Sweetheart,” Lois sits on the edge of the bed and brushes Mercedes’s hair from her face. Mercedes is obviously comforted by her, and I wonder about the affection she’s had in her life. None from her father, that I know. Was her mother affectionate? I know Antonia is a kind, sweet woman. But I also know Mercedes is fairly stand-offish with her. “How are you feeling?”
She shrugs a shoulder. “I need to use the bathroom,” she says in a low voice.
Lois nods, looks at me. I hurry back into the room to carry her, but Mercedes’s eyes widen in panic, and I stop.
“It’s okay,” Lois says. “I can’t carry you. Judge needs to do that, okay?”
“Then I can walk.”
“You can’t. Not on your own,” I say and go toward the bed although at a slower pace.
She pushes the covers off and tries to swing her legs over the edge as if to show she can, but she very clearly cannot.
“I won’t hurt you,” I say and lift her before she can refuse. She has no choice but to hold me and once we’re in the bathroom I let Lois help her and step out. A few minutes later, the door opens, and I carry Mercedes back to the bed. She keeps her face averted.
“I’ll get your breakfast. Give me just a few minutes.” Lois says.
Mercedes turns her untrusting gaze to me, then nods to Lois. Once Lois is gone, Mercedes looks at my discarded pajamas then at me.
“Did you touch me?”
I’m surprised by the cold tone of her voice. The question itself. Truly taken aback. “No. Of course not. Mercedes, I would never—”
“Well, lucky me that one of the Montgomery brothers has found his moral compass.”
I swallow that down. I deserve it and more.
“Did he?” she grits her teeth, eyes wet as she forces herself to hold my gaze. “Did he? I can’t… remember everything.”
“No.” The doctor confirmed he hadn’t sexually assaulted her.
She nods, pulls her knees up and looks down. I hear the relief in her shuddering exhale of breath. She wipes her eyes.
Lois is back then. She’s holding a tray loaded with so much food I don’t actually know how she carried it. It’s clearly all of Mercedes’s favorites.
“Here we are. I brought a little of everything, so you just choose what you like.”
“My pills?” Mercedes asks, looking over the tray.
“I’ll bring them to you after you eat something.”
Lois hands her a cup of tea with honey. Mercedes takes it and sips.
“I’ll come back after my shower,” I say, and walk to the door when Mercedes doesn’t ask me to stay. I’m almost in the hallway when she calls out my name. I stop, turn and wait.
“Where is he?” she finally asks after a long minute.
“Gone.”
I don’t say that I’m not sure where because when I went back to that wretched room after making sure Mercedes was going to be alright, Theron was gone. All that was left was the bloody spot where his head had been. His car was gone, too. I can’t say what he took as far as clothes or money because I hadn’t been inside the South Cottage since I gave it to him, and I have no idea how he drove himself or if he did, but he hasn’t been seen or heard from and Ezra Moore, the investigator I hired to find him, has found nothing.
“You never have to see him again, Mercedes.”
She nods, turns her attention to the steaming cup in her hands.