25
Mercedes
“Santi, what does that mean?” I wring my hands together in my lap as we sit outside the courtroom, waiting in stilted silence.
My brother’s been staring at the wall for the last ten minutes, and I can’t get a read on him.
“I don’t know just yet,” he answers quietly.
I don’t believe for one second that’s true, but I also know there’s no point in pushing him when he’s like this. He seems lost in his own thoughts, and I’m not expecting him to say anything else. So when he turns to me with anguish in his eyes, it unsettles me deeply.
“I’ve been unfair to you,” he rasps. “I didn’t… I didn’t realize.”
“What?” I blink up at him, my eyes burning with more emotion I want to blame on the hormones but can’t.
“I was so angry with you.” He shakes his head, disgusted by the admission. “I shouldn’t have been so cruel that night.”
I turn my gaze to the floor, understanding this is his guilt. He saw the video, and it clearly rattled apart the image he had concocted in his own mind. Though, I’m not certain what kind of person he must have believed me to be if he truly thought I went to Lana’s apartment to murder her in cold blood.
“I knew it never fit,” he goes on. “But I had to hold on to my anger. After everything you’d done—”
“I know.” I close my eyes and swipe at the tears that fall. “I’m sorry, Santi.”
He reaches toward me, his hand pausing before he touches my shoulder hesitantly. When I meet his gaze, I can see that he’s still the same old Santi in many ways. He’s awkward with affection and comfort, but it’s obvious his wife has softened him in that aspect too.
“We will put this behind us soon,” he promises me. “And you’ll be a part of our lives again. We’ll figure out a way to—”
The door to the courtroom opens, and a guard appears, his gaze moving right past me to my brother. “The councilors direct you to take Ms. De La Rosa home. This meeting will continue, and Mr. Montgomery will rejoin you later.”
I stare past him through the crack, but I can’t hear anything, and I don’t understand. What could Judge possibly be doing in there? The thought unnerves me, but Santiago seems relieved by the development.
“Thank you.” He rises, and the guard disappears back into the courtroom, sealing us outside.
I’m staring at the door when Santi helps me up, but I don’t want to leave. Because I know what this development means, even if I don’t know what’s happening beyond that door. I’ve known it since they hauled me into the car and delivered me here, and I don’t want to leave without one last look at Judge. One last goodbye.
“Mercedes.” Santi’s voice snaps me from my thoughts, and I look at him in a daze. “We have to go.”
I force a nod, dragging my feet as I follow him out to the car. The entire way, I’m considering if I could wait. If there’s still time to have one more night with Judge when he returns. But in my heart, I know there’s not. There can’t be. He’ll be even more alert with this hanging over my head. He’ll probably suspect I’d want to run because he thinks I’m a coward. But the truth is, I don’t have a choice. If I want to spare the child growing inside me from whatever archaic punishment they might see fit to dole out, I have to do this today.
Judge won’t understand it. Neither will Santiago. And those thoughts turn my stomach the entire drive back to the Montgomery estate. I only just got my brother back. But I know when I glance at him, this is the lesser evil. He will be disappointed in me for running but not nearly as disappointed in me as he would be if he knew the truth. If he knew I was ruined for any eligible man, that I’d thrown away my virtue and left yet another stain on our family name, all that would be left is shame.
I can’t bear that. I can’t allow my child to suffer shame for existing. And I won’t allow my baby to come to harm at the hands of The Tribunal. No matter what I do now, there will be damning consequences. I will never be looked upon favorably. If I told them I was pregnant, they might spare me a beating until the baby is born, but there’s no guarantee. IVI is an institution heavily influenced by Catholicism, but as a Society daughter, I think I’ve been shielded in many ways from some of the gory details about the punishments they mete out in circumstances like mine. I just watched them execute Abel Moreno, and while rare, these things do happen. There’s too much uncertainty about what they might want to do with my child, especially once they learn the father never wanted it to begin with. My future here is too unpredictable, and I have no choice. I know it in my gut, even as my heart wrenches at the thought.
The car pulls to a stop far too soon, and I blink, startled by the realization that I’m home already. Home. The word seems strange as I stare out the window in a daze, but that’s exactly what Judge’s house feels like. Only it can never truly be my home.
“Mercedes.” Santi’s voice infiltrates my thoughts. “Judge hasn’t been inappropriate with you, has he?”
His words linger between us, and for one delusional moment, I consider what would happen if I just told him the truth. If I asked for my inheritance and to be free of the chains surrounding me. Would he let me go?
I glance at his reflection in the window, and I know I’m clinging to a false hope. So I do what I’ve always done. I choke down the sadness in my throat and force a laugh.
“Come on, Santi. Get real. We both know Lawson Montgomery has no intentions of falling in love.”