“Wait for me,” he said rawly.
She didn’t answer.
When he rested his hand on her hair, he wasn’t surprised to find his hand shaking.
“Please wait for me, sweetheart.” And when I’m whole, I’ll give you all the words in my heart.
But she still didn’t answer.
He told himself to give her time and space because it was what she deserved. But the moment the limousine reached her apartment, he knew---
He couldn’t let her go just like that.
When she started to pull away, his arms tightened around her. “No.” His voice was rough. “Not until you promise me you’ll wait.” He knew he was being selfish, but he also goddamn knew he was doing this for both of them.
“Alyx…” When she still didn’t answer, he forced her to look at him.
And that was when he saw---
“Alyx.” Her name was a desperate plea for forgiveness.
“You didn’t mean to hurt me.” Her smile shone past her tears. “I know that.”
Ah God.
He had promised – he had goddamn promised to keep her from breaking, so why the hell had it come to this?
“I don’t think you’re meant to love me,” she whispered.
Nathan whitened. “No, sweetheart. No---”
“I was in your arms, Nathan,” she said brokenly. “I was in your arms the whole time, and you didn’t know I was hurting. You d-didn’t know the way Nik never knew he was killing me.”
“No. No, dammit. It’s not the same.” He looked at her doggedly, willing Alyx to believe him. “Let me explain---”
“Things like this don’t have to be explained. You just…you just feel things, and---” Her voice caught. “You just know.” And then she tore away from him, making it out of the car.
She was fast, and she had taken him by surprise, but it only bought her seconds of freedom.
He recovered fast, and he went after her, his fingers grasping Alyx’s wrist before she could get past her front door.
He whirled her around, and it hurt – it goddamn hurt – to see the tears that hadn’t stopped falling on her face.
“I know,” he grated out, “I know how bad it looks.”
People started gathering around them, drawn to the spectacle they were making of themselves in broad daylight.
Nathan knew he should give a damn---
They were airing their dirty laundry in the most fucking public way, exposing their imperfections, destroying each other’s masks---
But he didn’t.
“I need you to believe me. It’s not what you think. I’m going back only to end things for good.” His hands went up to grip her shoulders hard. “Do you hear me, sweetheart? It’s over between us, and more than anyone else, I owe it to you – to you, Alyx – to end it so there’s no room for doubt.”
And when she didn’t answer, he couldn’t help shaking her. “I need you to wait for me.” His voice was tight. “I need you to keep loving me---”
A hoarse little cry escaped her, and then she was shoving him away.
“How could you ask me that?”
“Alyx, it’s not---”
“How dare you – how dare you fucking ask me that?” She was screaming and weeping, shoving him back every time he tried getting close.
“Because I don’t love her,” he said savagely.
“Liar!” She slapped his face.
“Liar.” And she crashed to her knees, breaking both their hearts into pieces.
No. Nathan reached out to her, but she flung his hands away.
“Just leave me.” She whispered the words to him, her head bowed, her body shaking. “Just go to her and leave me.”
“Not like this---”
“Please,” she half-gasped, half-sobbed. “Please. Please just leave.”
“Alyx.” His voice broke.
“Please…I’m begging you. Please let me do what I should have done from the start.” And she raised her eyes to his. “Please let me find the strength to bear the pain on my own.”
Ah.
“Okay, sweetheart.”
And for some reason the mild, hoarse tone of his voice had her shoulders shaking with wracking sobs.
“Okay.” He swallowed hard. “If it’s what you need me to do now, then it’s what I’ll do.” And so Nathan slowly forced himself to get back on his feet.
He had always known they were kindred souls, and they were.
Only he had been wrong about the reason.
He had thought pain was what bound them together, but now he knew better.
It was love.
Their fates were intertwined because of love, and he knew that now. He knew, and he just hoped he wasn’t too goddamn late.
“But don’t you goddamn think I’m not coming back.”
And so he left her.
Time that could only be defined by the strength of her pain went on to pass, and finally she found the strength that everyone thought she had to get herself to stand.
She swayed a little on the first second, and when she looked up, she was, for a moment, nearly blinded by the sun. But in the next moment, pain eclipsed its brightness, and the pain was so familiar it was almost bittersweet.