I suppose you had to be, though, when you were doing heinous things.
The back of my neck tingled, and I lifted my hand to rub my nape as I looked over my shoulder and out the front window.
It was pretty busy for this time of day, a lot of businesses having their employees take lunch, or people in town shopping.
Did they know that just ten minutes south they’d get to Desolation, where its namesake was pretty accurate?
There was a light touch on my hand, and I jumped slightly as I looked over to see Ivan smirking at me, his finger running back and forth over my wrist.
I pulled my hand out from under his and rested it on my lap as I gave him a tight smile.
Might as well get this over with, like ripping a bandage off.
“That’s actually why I contacted you.” I licked my suddenly dry lips. “I wanted to see you today so we can discuss the engagement.”
One of Ivan’s dark, bushy eyebrows lifted up and he brought his vodka to his lips to take a long drink. He didn’t say anything for so long that I started to fidget with the napkin on my lap.
“I just think… I think it would be best if it didn’t happen.” Of course hearing me say the words out loud to my betrothed sounded foolish. You didn’t just “get out” of an arranged marriage.
Was it foolish that I was even attempting to try to stop this? Yeah, yeah it was. Was it pointless, ridiculous, and made me out to be some kind of stupid woman who thought I could bend the rules of the Russian mafia?
Possibly, but I had to try, because if I didn’t then I would just be a doormat who lay back and accepted the man who’d been thrust upon her. I didn’t want to marry him. I didn’t want to have his children like I was some kind of vessel.
And if I never said that, never spoke my distaste about all of this, any kind of strength that I’d built up in myself would be for nothing.
“You don’t want to go through with the marriage?” His voice was easygoing, a little too calm for my comfort.
It had my skin tightening, prickling, and an array of red flags popping out in front of my vision.
“It’s just… It’s just I can’t marry you. No matter what my father says or what he’s promised you, this is not how I saw my future going.”
My palms were clammy, and my heart rate increased as I waited for him to say something. Anything.
“I’m not a good match for you, but I’m also not naive. I know the world we live in,” I said in a much softer voice so as to not draw attention. “I know what’s expected of me, but I’ve created a life for myself, have my own independence. Whatever this is between us,” I said and gestured with my hand in the space that separated us. “It’s not what I want. And I really hope that you can respect my wishes. I hope that you’ll understand that I’m not the woman for you.”
A bead of sweat ran down my temple and I suppressed the need to wipe it away.
“I’d like you to speak to my father with me, explain how you’d like to cancel the engagement.”
God, I felt like my heart was going to burst through my chest.
He got this strange expression on his face. “I can absolutely speak to your father, Prima.”
I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. “Really?”
He inclined his head. “I think it’s best we discuss things with your father if you’re having second thoughts. Best to get things settled.”
I slouched in my chair and offered a smile. “Thank you. I’m really sorry about all of this. I know this isn’t ideal, but I really appreciate you being so amicable and understanding.” God, he was agreeing with me?
Ivan was actually willing to help me work this out? It seemed too good to be true, but I held on to that hope.
“Just let me know when you’re free and I’ll work around your schedule to go talk with him.”
He didn’t say anything, just gave me a bigger smile right before he finished off his vodka and stood, gesturing for us to leave. I followed him out of the restaurant, that strange feeling that this was too easy filling me.
I made my way to my car and he walked behind me, whistling under his breath, which I found oddly unnerving. When I got to my vehicle, I glanced over to him.
“Thank you again. Here, let me give you my phone number—”
“I have it, Prima. You called me, remember?” he said and the smile he gave me now had my belly cramping.
“Oh, yes. That’s right. Sorry. I just have a lot on my mind.” I felt that tingling on the back of my neck, but I kept my focus on Ivan. Okay then. “I better get going.”