He took a death breath, trying to regain his composure, but he’d never felt so shaky and uncertain. He yearned to feel Warrehn’s hand in his hair, his arms around him, but Warrehn was so rigid against him. At least he wasn’t pushing him away. “You asked me what happened to my bondmate. I’ll tell you what happened.” Samir bit his bottom lip hard. “Malik’s childhood bond to me was somewhat faulty. It didn’t repress his sexual urges. When we turned thirteen, he started being—pushy. I said no, I said I was uncomfortable, but he only became more insistent with the years. When we were fifteen, we went on a hike in the mountains. And he started—he started—you know.” Warrehn stiffened further. Samir exhaled shakily. “I said no, but he wouldn’t listen. I shoved him off me.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “He staggered back—and fell off the edge. It was an accident, I swear! I didn’t mean to kill him. But I did. I killed him.”
“Samir,” Warrehn said, laying a hand on his head, his voice rough. “He brought it on himself. It was self-defense. It was an accident.”
“Mother said the same thing,” Samir said, unable to look at him. Fuck, what he wouldn’t give to be wrapped up in Warrehn’s arms and squeezed tightly, to feel that wonderful safe-secure-protected feeling. “I was inconsolable after Malik’s death. He was my best friend. We grew up together. Feeling our bond physically snap as he fell down the mountain was—” Samir had to swallow again. “I lost it. I cried for days. I didn’t want to leave my bed or eat or drink. Mother literally spoon-fed me, sang me lullabies and held me as if I were a baby. If it weren’t for her, I would have never recovered. And if it weren’t for her, I would have been exposed as a murderer, just like my mother.”
“You aren’t a murderer,” Warrehn said, his tone hard. “It was self-defense. Dalatteya’s actions were done in cold blood. She killed not only her assaulter, but an innocent woman—and then tried to kill children.”
“She did it for me, Warrehn,” Samir said softly. “Everything my mother did was done for me. Even the king’s death… I’m pretty sure she would have never killed him if she weren’t scared for my life.”
“What? It doesn’t make sense.”
“It does. Mother once told me that King Emyr was unhealthily possessive of her and hated that she had a child with another man, that he hated my existence and her love for me. I think after Emyr killed my father, she started fearing for my life, too.”
“You’re reading too much into it. Dalatteya hated him and wanted him dead. That’s the end of it.”
Samir lifted his head and met his blue eyes. “I’m pretty sure my mother loved him. It was a toxic, unhealthy love—she both hated him and loved him. He was the center of her world either way. And she gave him up for me.”
Warrehn chuckled, shaking his head. “That’s ridiculous. She hated him.”
“I wish,” Samir said, thinking of how empty and broken his mother had looked when she saw the king’s dead body in the video. “Haven’t you just seen the way she looked at Emyr’s mutilated body? It wasn’t the look of someone who hated him. I think his death was enough of a punishment for her.”
A deep furrow appeared between Warrehn’s brows, but he clearly remained unconvinced.
Samir sighed and got to his feet. Immediately, he felt so much colder. And so very alone.
Warrehn’s hand twitched toward him, and Samir felt a desperate flicker of hope that he would be touched and held and crushed in those arms.
But Warrehn put his hands on the desk behind him and gripped the edge hard, his jaw setting. He eyed Samir for a moment. “Your mother told me that you were planning to seduce me to talk me into abdicating.”
Samir’s stomach plummeted. He winced and shook his head. “It was her idea. I told her it would never work. No one would give up the throne for some base lust. You’d have to have feelings for me. Like, deep feelings.” He smiled crookedly. “Which is obviously ridiculous.”
Something shifted in Warrehn’s blue eyes. “But you still went along with the plan.”
“No, I didn’t,” Samir said, pulling a face. “Well, I tried, very briefly, at the beginning, but you saw right through me.” He frowned. “Is that why you were so angry yesterday?” He was relieved. Although the whole thing had been a turn-on, Warrehn had never treated him so cruelly before. Knowing that he’d been angry because he thought Samir had betrayed him was—it was a relief.
“You think I had no right to be angry when the man I’m in—” Warrehn cut himself off and averted his gaze.
Samir stared at him, his heart starting to beat faster. Did he…?