CHAPTER 4
Naomi
“You can sit up now.”
I pushed myself into a sitting position, tugging the dress back over my knees as the OB stripped off her gloves and threw them in the trash. I was in an exam room somewhere in downtown LA, having been ushered through a private side entrance into an expensive office building. Dr. Kipley was her name, and her warm smile had immediately put me at ease.
The man in the corner, however, still had me tied up in knots.
“Well?” Gavril asked, lounging in the chair that he had recently sat in and refused to leave during the examination. “How is she?”
Dr. Kipley appeared to be unruffled by his rough tone as she typed away on the laptop before her, cataloging whatever she had found. I couldn’t help but wonder how many of these private visits she had done or who her clients were. Her office gave off the appearance of catering to high-profile clients, from the sleek furniture to the comfortable exam table that I was resting on.
I had been offered a warm blanket and robe to put on during the exam, but also had the option of keeping my own clothing on instead.
A luxury that I knew a regular OB-GYN never offered.
Dr. Kipley hadn’t batted an eye, and though I had to remove my panties, she had performed the exam and the ultrasound with very few words to me at all.
Her touch and gentle smile had been enough to put me at ease.
Finally, after what seemed like hours but was only mere minutes, she lifted her head and met my husband’s gaze head on.
“Everything is fine with Mrs. Kirilenko. She’s about eight weeks along, which means you will probably be looking at early to late fall for the birth. A great time to have a child if you ask me.”
When Gavril didn’t even crack a smile, she cleared her throat and continued.
“The baby’s heartbeat is strong, and lab results look good.” She turned to me, her expression softening. “I’ll prescribe you some vitamins. Make sure to get plenty of sunshine and exercise each day as you feel like it. Limit your caffeine intake and drink plenty of water. A balanced diet will help with the nausea, but if it gets too bad, please let me know.”
“I will,” I answered, clasping my hands in my lap. And just like that: confirmation. I was carrying Gavril’s child. He had asked me how I felt about it last night, when he had seemed to be excited about my news.
The doctor placed her hand on my shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. “Everything will be okay, Sveta. You’re young and in great health. I’m not concerned at all about you.”
And there it was again. The reminder of the part I was playing. Last night, Gavril might have held me in his arms, called me Naomi, and marveled at the life we’d created. But here, once again, I was Sveta.
I gave her a smile as Gavril rose to his feet, his expression inscrutable. What was he thinking? Was he concerned about our child and me, or now that he knew nothing was wrong, would he close himself off to me again? Had his warmth been an act to get me to be more compliant?
“Let me help you up,” he murmured, holding out his hand. I accepted his hand, and he helped me off the table.
“I will just leave you to finish dressing,” Dr. Kipley replied as she walked to the door. “And I will have all your appointments and prescriptions ready.”
Neither of us responded as she walked out and I released Gavril’s hand to gather my panties, sliding them on.
“Are you pleased with her?” Gavril asked as I stepped into my shoes. “She came highly recommended, but if you aren’t pleased, I will find another.”
His voice bordered on the edge of concern, and my heart fluttered in my chest. Suddenly he was aiming to please me. Had he found out that I had seen him at the docks?
Was he trying to make me forget the horror in place of his kindness? I couldn’t forget. As much as I wanted to, what I had seen was wrong. “She is fine,” I forced out, grabbing my purse.
Gavril didn’t respond, but he did take my hand and enveloped it in his own warmth as we walked out to gather the paperwork. My heart stuttered in my chest as I felt him give me a squeeze, wishing that things were the way they were between us before he had left to go conduct business. I knew I was looking at the same man at my side, but my vision was now warped, the rose-tinted glasses shattered on my face. And it hurt. Oh, it hurt!
We climbed into the car, and it was only then that he released my hand. “I want you to take it easy,” he finally said, his fingers drumming along his knee. “If there is anything you want, you need, it will be provided.”
“Please.” I shook my head. “Don’t coddle me.”
Gavril’s eyes found mine, and his jaw clenched. “I don’t plan on it, but if you take unnecessary risks with our child, it will force my hand, Sveta.”
I wished I could bask in the way he said our child, but I knew it didn’t come out of love. It came out of need, out of making certain that his plan was carried through. He hadn’t hidden that fact from me.
Why would I think that anything had changed now? “Of course. I wouldn’t think of it. This is my child as well.”
His fingers drummed along his thigh, a nervous tic that I had grown quite used to. “I am well aware of that. I only want you to be safe. That is my greatest wish for you and our child.”
I knew I should have felt comfort in his words, but damn if I didn’t. It was because of his stubborn plan that he was saying these things, and I wanted more.
I craved more from him. Even after all that I had found out over the last week, I still wanted Gavril to see me as someone important in his life. There were things I wanted for this unborn little being, and none of it had to do with his world.
“Will you promise me something?” I asked softly as the car moved through the streets of LA.
“What is it?”
I swallowed. “That you won’t shut me out of our child’s life. After it’s born.”
The last thing I wanted to experience was to give birth and then have nothing to do with the child because Gavril felt the need to separate me from its life. I had heard about it in the past, how the children of Mafia kings were sometimes sent off to boarding school nearly immediately or given to their fathers to raise properly. While that might be okay with some women, it wasn’t okay with me.
Gavril stared at me for what felt like hours before he gave me a single nod. “I will not shut you out of our child’s life, Sveta. He will need both parents.”
A momentary feeling of relief came over me, and I decided to take his word for now. What else could I do?
“Thank you.”
Silence stretched between us the rest of the way home, and I fully expected Gavril to drop me off and leave after the visit.
To my surprise, he didn’t, instead taking his phone calls and doing his work out of his suite while I spent some time in the pool, watching as the flowers swayed gently in the wind. I was pregnant. It still didn’t feel like it was true. Even though I hadn’t considered having a child in my adult life yet, nothing would have prepared me for this situation I found myself in.
That and I missed Ilsa. I could almost see her reaction, how she would have hugged me tightly and told me that she would be there for her godchild no matter what. She would have brought over some ridiculously large takeout, and we would have giggled over the news, probably with her doing something silly like starting a naming convention that would include her name.
A tear slipped down my cheek and I wiped it away, sadness creeping into my soul. Ilsa would know exactly what to say in this moment and make a plan that would calm me.
She would also ask the hard questions, such as if I was in love with Gavril. Maybe I was. Maybe I was in love with a monster. I couldn’t make my heart love someone else, nor could I block the feelings that were true and deep, etched on my soul.
It hurt me to no end to feel incapable of trusting the man I was in love with, to feel one way about him on what business he dealt with but a completely different way when he looked at me with those eyes of his, almost like he was begging for me to save him.
I hated it.
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