CHAPTER 29
Gavril
Naomi was crying. One minute she was sucking my cock for all it was worth, nearly making love to me with her mouth, her touch, and the next, her beautiful eyes were shimmering with tears.
I couldn’t take it.
“Please don’t,” I forced out, the vise-like grip on my chest making it hard to breathe.
Her shoulders slumped, and she looked like she had lost all hope. “Will this be the last time?” she asked softly.
The last time? I didn’t fucking know, honestly. What I was going to have to face in the next twelve or twenty-four hours was still up in the air. I had a bunch of shit going on, but I hadn’t honestly thought about my own survival.
Not yet. I wasn’t to the point of having to worry if I was going to walk away in the end.
But her words made me consider the fact that I could die in this war. It was the same fact that happened every time I made a new enemy. Hell, it was the sheer side effect of being a Pakhan to begin with. At any point, someone could wipe me out.
Was Naomi worried about her future or just worried about me in general? Hearing her tell me she loved me once was nearly torturous enough. As much as I tried to deny it myself, I wanted her love. I wanted her to care for me.
I wanted desperately to feel her love around me, to know that someone on this fucking planet could love a monster. She challenged me. She made me think of things I didn’t want to consider.
She made me want to change for her, and it was terrifying.
Realizing Naomi was still waiting for my answer, I framed her face with my hands, my eyes memorizing every inch of her beautiful features. She had no idea what she had done to me by coming into my life, and if it wasn’t love, it was damn near close to it.
“I don’t want it to be,” I answered honestly, opening my heart up to her. “But I don’t know what is going to happen, Naomi.”
Another tear slipped from her eye. “It’s war, Gavril,” she whispered. “You could die.”
The terror in her voice was real, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was because she was going to lose me or because she was going to be subjected to a new life. I wasn’t going to allow my enemies to touch her or our fucking child. Brushing my thumb over the tear, I wiped it away. “I’m not going to die,” I lied to her, knowing very well I could, as in every war that I fought. “Have a little more faith, all right?”
She nodded and I leaned down, pressing my lips to hers. At least she was still concerned about my well-being and not pushing me to the front of the line to take the hit. It had to mean something.
When I released her lips, I gently eased her onto the bed, taking in every inch of her body and imprinting it on my brain. After I sent her away, I didn’t know if or when I would see her again, and while it shouldn’t bother me, it did.
I had grown used to having Naomi around. In the few times that she had been able to push past my defenses and before we started lying to each other, I had been a different person.
A person much like I had been with Katya.
Of course, with Naomi it was a completely different feeling. It wasn’t just the thought of her carrying our child that had me wanting more.
It was the very need to have her. I had been young and stupid with Katya, fucking anything that moved and not realizing what true love, true and utter devotion, felt like. I had thought I loved Katya.
In reality, what I felt for Naomi was like the very air I breathed. It was heart pounding, soul-rending madness that I craved, and only she could provide.
That was when I knew I was in trouble with her, but I liked it.
Naomi’s lips parted as my finger traced her prominent collarbone, down to her breasts that were begging for my attention. “You’ve changed,” I murmured as I continued my torturous descent, content to spend an eternity doing this. The war, Konstantin, it could all fucking wait. I wasn’t sure if I would have this opportunity again, and I was going to milk it for all that it was worth.
“I’m only going to get bigger,” she said as my finger paused on her abdomen. I could see the gentle swell there, the beginning of her pregnancy belly that would show in a month or so. Naomi was already gorgeous in her own right, but she would be downright radiant when heavy with my child.
A swell of male pride swept through me and I laid my palm against her stomach, hoping that the child could feel its father’s presence through the layer of skin and fat. “If something happens—” I started out, surprised by the emotion welling in my throat.
Her hand covered mine, and I raised my eyes to meet hers. “I will let our child know who their father was,” she finished. “No matter what.”
I didn’t press her for the answers I likely didn’t want to hear. She thought me a monster, some hard-assed man who didn’t feel.
Maybe I couldn’t change her mind. Hadn’t I just thought about giving her up a few hours ago? She had betrayed me by not telling me all the secrets she held, but I was doing the same thing to her. Naomi only knew one of my many secrets, and I preferred to keep it that way.
So, I pushed my thoughts aside for now and focused on the woman who I still thought of as my wife even though she was far from it, my hand slipping over her small strip of curls before delving into the wetness I had tasted only minutes before.
Naomi was hot and wet for me, moaning as my fingers roamed over her clit. “Look at you,” I murmured as I slipped a finger inside. “You were turned on by my cock in your mouth.”
“Yes,” she hissed as another finger joined the first. “Fuck me, Gavril.”
I obliged, finger fucking her as my thumb kept constant pressure on her clit until she flooded my hand, her name on my lips. “Fucking beautiful,” I told her, pulling out my fingers and pressing my cock to her entrance. “I want to feel you on my cock.”
Naomi wrapped her legs around my waist, her eyes meeting mine, and I plunged in, both of us groaning in tandem. She felt like heaven and hell all wrapped up into one person, someone who could bring me to my knees if she begged hard enough.
Hell, Naomi had a time or two already, and I didn’t mind in the slightest.
Only Naomi could do that. What I was fucking afraid of was that there would be no one else that would live up to her in the event that something happened between us.
Fuck, why was I thinking that I wanted to keep her?
Looking down, I saw her watching me with those heat-filled eyes, a thousand questions reflecting in her depths. There were questions I couldn’t answer for her, questions I couldn’t even answer for myself.
“Fuck me, Gavril,” she breathed, her body tightening around my cock. “Give it all to me.”
My cock swelled at the thought and I gripped her hips with my hands, pulling out long enough to slam back into her. Repeatedly I did so, gritting my teeth as I held off the orgasm that was swelling in the background.
I wanted this shit to last forever because the moment I pulled out of her, we would go back to the task at hand.
“Gavril!” she cried out as her body convulsed with another orgasm, her hands clenching in the sheets. “Oh God. Please, fuck me hard!”
I picked up the pace, wondering if I could match the need she had. My balls were drawn tight, my cock begging for release, but I held back still, the sound of our bodies pounding together the only sound in the room. “Come for me,” I growled, my fingers digging into her skin. “Come for your husband, Naomi.”
Her head moved back and forth on the bed rapidly, her body arching against the movement and taking me deeper until I could barely see straight. I wanted more from her, but there wasn’t enough time.
With a roar of her name, I poured into her, my own body shaking with the force of my release. For a moment I was suspended in the bubble with her, our own little world where we couldn’t be touched and reality didn’t exist.
Looking down at Naomi, I saw the rapturous look on her face, how her chest heaved with the same irregular pattern that mine did, and for a split second I thought about telling her how I felt. Fuck. I didn’t know how to even put into words how I felt about her. There was anger for what she had done, but the underlying feeling was one of primal need to claim her as my own.
Or had I already? I had put my child in her belly. If that wasn’t enough to claim her, I didn’t know what was. The problem was, I wanted her entire being, her heart, body, and soul. I had experienced them all in the palm of my hand and never realized it.