She scooted off the other end of the bench to stand and look down at me. “And by we, how do you mean exactly? Continue to live as we are?”
“Would it be the worst thing for the boys?” I asked.
“Perhaps not.” She crossed her arms over her chest, obviously thinking through what I’d said. “What about your grandmother and Fai? But what about us?”
The question hung there for a moment. If indecision and self-doubt were sins, then I was surely doomed to hell.
“What would we do here? Carry on as we have been?” Fiona asked.
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came forth. Seconds passed. Too many of them. She took my lack of communication as a negative reaction. “Li, this decision to take care of the boys is mine alone. You should feel no obligation. While I’ve appreciated your help, it is not necessary. When I return home, I shall have my family.”
“Fiona, that’s not what I meant.” Her words cut as painfully as if she’d wounded me with a dull knife.
She was quiet for a moment, before asking softly, “Is there anything you want to say to me before my parents arrive?”
Before I could answer her, the boys came rushing in from the kitchen, chattering away and asking if it was time for them to go to buy new boots.
“Can we speak about this later?” I asked. “Basset will be here any minute.”
“As you wish.” She shook her head, as if I’d disappointed her once more.
Later that day,the boys played at the park for an hour, running along the paths between flower beds until they were warm and tired. I fed them a lunch from the basket Gabriella had packed of sandwiches and cold water. When we were finished, the three of us, with each of them holding one of my hands, strolled along the busy sidewalks until we reached a shoemaker’s shop recommended by Gabriella as a good place to have new boots made for the boys.
While the shoemaker’s wife measured and fitted the boys, I sat near the window, grateful for the coolness of the shop after the heat of the day. I could kick myself with or without a pair of boots on for the way the conversation had gone with Fiona. Over the last few weeks, I’d contemplated many times the right course for the next period of my life. It was not myself I thought of, as it hadn’t been all along. But now it was not only Fiona that I worried about but the boys as well.
We had become a unit, the four of us, along with Gabriella. The boys had fallen into the habit of our daily lives. Taking me out of the situation would be confusing to them. For that matter, I didn’t want to be out of the situation.
The shoemaker’s wife, a pleasant woman with a flat face and kind eyes, looked at me for a moment.
“Are you the caregiver of these two?” she asked me in excellent English.
I nodded, unsure how best to answer that question.
“Do you work for their parents?” she asked as she pushed back stray hair from her face. “Are you their tutor?”
“No, I’m a friend of their family,” I said, figuring this was the best way to describe it. As if it were any of her business.
“I see. Well, they are lucky to have such an exotic friend.”
Exotic? Was that the word for me now?
I gave her a look that I hoped conveyed my sudden dislike for her.
The door of the shop opened and Sandwich and Saffron appeared. “Li, we saw you here and thought we’d come say hello.”
They were flushed from the heat but looked well otherwise. I stood to greet them. “We’re having the boys fitted for new boots.”
“We’ve just come from lunching with James. Is it true that you’ll be leaving us and taking him with you?” Sandwich asked. She wore a white dress that hung loosely over her hips. A bit of her red lipstick has smeared above her upper lip, making her seem less perfect and thus more likable.
“Fiona believes it’s best for us to go,” I said. “If we can get everything put together for the boys, that is.”
Saffron gave her hair a good flounce to show her displeasure. “I hate that you’re going. But our Fiona isn’t like most of us, is she?” She lowered her voice, obviously aware the boys were within earshot. “Will she really take them home and care for them forever? Act as their mother?”