Tears came to my eyes as I gazed from one to the other. These fine men, coming to my service and in fact buoying my spirits. “Thank you, both.”
An image of Cymbeline flying off the side of our mountain with her feet attached to skis came to me. She’d not worried about her lack of influence or power. Cym had done what she needed to do to get what she wanted. As outlandish as dressing like a boy was, it had allowed her to compete. She’d won, too. I closed my eyes briefly, imagining her here with us. She would wave her oyster fork like a magic wand and tell me not to worry.
Jo had brought a library to our town when she was my age. We were women who could do extraordinary feats if we wanted them badly enough.
We would figure it out together. Just like the two men next to me, my family would not let me down. They’d see that I was right.
“I had a letter from Mama this afternoon. She wrote to say they’d be here in a month. They’ll know what to do. I’m going to write to Cym and Jo as well, so that the family knows what’s coming. My sisters are no wallflowers. They know how to get things done. Who knows? They might know of a couple looking to adopt.” I stopped, realizing I was babbling.
Li looked over at me. “Until then, we’ll take care of the boys and teach them as much English as they can absorb. We don’t want to cause trouble with the authorities, so we’ll stay quiet and escape attention. All right?”
“Yes, of course,” I said. “I’ll cause no more trouble.” My throat tightened. I scooped the oyster from its shell but still did not eat it. “And now I’ve gotten you into more of a mess with these boys. We don’t even know them. They could be robbing us blind at this very moment.”
“I thought you didn’t care if they were thieves?” Li asked, a twinkle in his eyes.
I twisted my napkin into a rope. Sweat dampened the end of my nose. I’d said I didn’t care, but in truth, I wasn’t sure. The light of day brought doubts. “I don’t know. That’s just it, I can’t predict the future.”
James grinned and grabbed another piece of bread. “We must have faith in our fellow man. Or boys as the case may be.”
“He’s right,” Li said. “I have utter faith that we’re doing the right thing.”
“You do?” I asked, surprised. “I thought you were despairing of me.”
“Never.” Li shook his head. “I shall never despair of you.”
We exchanged a smile. For the first time since I’d told him my feelings all those months ago now, it seemed we were back to being Fiona and Li, best friends and muses to each other. “Thank you,” I whispered.
Finally, I was able to pay attention to the oysters, displayed beautifully on top of ice and garnished with lemon wedges, shallots, and vinegar.
“Will you want to go home once your parents arrive?” James asked after a moment. “Instead of staying longer?”
“Yes, I’d like to go home,” I said. “What about you two? Will you be ready in a month’s time?”
“I need to get home to Grandmother,” Li said. “But I’m here with you until you’re ready.”
“As am I,” James said.
“You’re too kind.” Contentment and warmth covered me like a favorite blanket. “Thank you, both, for putting up with my impulsive scheme. I’m humbled by your loyalty.”
The men exchanged a glance. “It is we who are humbled by your kind heart,” James said.
“An example of how to live well,” Li said.
Overcome with emotion, I busied myself with the oysters to hide my stinging eyes. “We’ll have Gabriella to help us with the boys on the trip home,” I said, changing the subject.
“Has she agreed to come?” Li asked.
I nodded. “There’s nothing for her here. Her baby died. She lost her love during the war. A fresh start will be good for her.”
“Well, at least she’ll look like everyone else,” Li said, an edge creeping into his voice. “She won’t be hassled on the ship as I was.”
We were quiet for a moment until James asked, “What happened?”
“The usual snubs,” Li said. “I wasn’t allowed in the dining room. They would have refused me the first-class ticket had your brother not called in a favor somehow. The staff asked that I have my meals in my room and not with the rest of the first-class diners.”
Nausea made the evening’s heat even more cloying. I’d had no idea of his troubles. He’d not shared any details of his journey with me, so it was easy for me to pretend they weren’t there. “Theo had to help with a ticket?”
“It was Flynn, actually. He has more ties in the business community.”
I picked up my fork but changed my mind and set it back on the table. Shame had replaced the hunger in my stomach. I’d caused Li a lot of distress. It hadn’t occurred to me that he would have trouble on the ship. Why hadn’t it? He’d been telling me the truth about the racism he faced, and yet I dismissed it. I didn’t want to hear it. Not really. I wanted to pretend it did not exist. Small freedoms and respect I took for granted were not part of his experience. “I’m sorry about the ship. I’m sorry for not understanding the ways of the world and how hard it is for you.”
“Fi, don’t. It’s fine,” Li said.
“It’s not fine,” I said. “I’ve done you a terrible disservice. Dismissing you instead of fully taking in what you’ve been telling me. I’m sorry. It is easy for me to pretend that it doesn’t exist or isn’t as bad as you perceive because of how easy it’s all been for me. That said, I remain your loyal friend. Whatever challenges come your way, I will be there with you.”
Li hung his head, his glossy hair falling over his eyes. “Fiona, that’s just the thing. I do not want you to have to be troubled by my fate. It is not your burden.”
My fingers traveled across the tabletop to rest on his arm. “I’m your friend and I love you, which means your troubles are mine. Whatever it is you face, I will be there by your side, just as you’ve been by mine.”
He covered my hand with his and looked into my eyes. “Fi, you’re so good. Which is what terrifies me. I’m worried you’ll act without thinking in your defense of me.” He scooped horseradish and shallots onto an oyster.
“I’ll not,” I said. “You have my word.”