Mama wasquiet as we headed out of town toward Flynn and Shannon’s house. I didn’t want to disturb her with unnecessary chatter.
So I kept mum as we drove out to the icy dirt road. In the years since Mama had come to us, I'd not known her to have dark moods or fits of temper. She was as steady as they came. However, when she was worried about one of us, she seemed to draw deep within herself. I wondered what she pondered during moments such as this.
“Have I ever told you much about my father?”
I took my eyes from the road for a brief second to look at her in surprise. Of everything I thought she'd say, this was not one of them. “Not really. Grandmother talked about him sometimes. She told me they met at a dance. He spotted her across the room and decided he had to have her. Isn't that right?”
“Yes, I believe so.” She went back to staring out the window.
“Why do you ask?” My natural curiosity made it impossible for me not to want to know more.
“I've been thinking about him a lot the last few days. There was a time when I was young that he was gone for a while.”
“For how long?”
“A month or so, I think. Mother told us he'd gone off for a job, but later I wondered if that were true.”
“Where else would he have gone?”
“I don't know. For some reason, I think he and Mother had had a fight and he'd left so that they might recover from it.”
“Recover? From a fight? Is that what people do back in Boston?”
She laughed somewhat mirthlessly. “No, not just there. Sometimes marriages have troubles and people separate for a time.”
I thought about that for a moment. Was she worried about Shannon and Flynn? “Mama, surely Shannon will forgive him?”
“I hope she will, but…”
“But what?”
“Your brother has made a great error. A decision he made out of greed and a hunger for power and prestige. One in which his wife and little daughter were not considered. Your father would never have done that. From the moment I met him, he was concerned only with the five of you and then with me, of course. Later, with the little girls.” She wiped her cheeks. “I've never been ashamed of any of you. There were times when you all needed a scolding, mostly when you were small.”
“Especially me.”
She smiled and wiped her cheeks with her handkerchief. “You and Flynn the most, yes. But it was never mean-spirited. Neither of you had a mean bone in you. You were always curious and adventurous. Two qualities sure to lead to trouble when you’re a little girl. Still, I was never ashamed. Not even when Flynn ran off to enlist. I was terrified but not angry or ashamed. This, however? I'm not sure what I'm to do with my anger toward him. He's my child. My beloved boy who I watched grow into a man. But to do this to your father…possibly destroying the town he spent his lifetime building into a true community from a pile of burned boards. I don't know, Cym. I'm at a loss.”
I turned the car into Flynn's driveway. A string of smoke from their chimney rose up and out of the surrounding trees like a ribbon. Wild turkeys, looking affronted by the cold, pecked at the snow under a pine.
“Mama, it's all right to be angry with people you love. You told me that.”
“I did?”
“Yes, recently in fact. When I was so angry at Flynn for not allowing women into the competition.”
“Ah, yes, I suppose I did.”
“It helped me,” I said. “Like most things you tell me.”
“I’m glad, darling.” Mama returned to looking out the window.
“Mama, he made it through a terrible injury. We should focus on that.”
She turned back to me, her hat shifting slightly when the car slid in the icy channels. “I agree that we should be grateful he was spared. However, the mess that he's made is now being left for the rest of us to clean up. When I think about you outside talking to those men. Making a deal with them. Criminals. I see red. That's all I can see.”
“He's changed, though. You heard him say so himself. He realizes his errors in judgment.”
She nodded and adjusted her hat. “You’re a good sister.”
I parked in the same spot I'd been in earlier and turned off the engine. “Mama, wait. I'll help you out. It's slippery.”
She put a hand out to stop me. “Cym, I know what you and Viktor have planned for the jump.”
I gulped. “You do?”
“The knickers gave you away.”
“Does Papa know?”
“Of course. There are no secrets between us.”
“Are you mad?”
She shook her head. “You give them all you've got, my girl. Show them how it's done. Don't ever let them tell you no. Even when it’s your own brother.”
“Viktor said yes instead of no, Mama,” I said softly. “To everything I’ve ever asked of him. He said he's perfectly happy seeing me shine. And he loves me just as I am. He doesn’t want to change me.”
Mama's brown eyes glistened. “Darling, that's the sweetness of true love. I felt the same way when I met your father. Please, don't ever risk what you have by keeping anything from him. Secrets are like a sickness in the marriage. Eventually, they will come out and make you both ill.”
“I promise, Mama. Anyway, there's nothing I would want to do unless Viktor gave me his blessing. The same goes for him too.”
“You can't imagine how happy it makes me to see how well you're loved,” Mama said. “I’m glad you finally opened your eyes to the possibility.”
“I did, Mama. And he was right there. He's been there all along.”