“Doubts and fears.”
My mind sped forward and forward, tumbling as fast as the tumbleweeds I’d seen in Nebraska as the train barreled toward Colorado. Where would we live? Would I be able to let him touch me? Could I share a bed with a man?
Not a man. Theo.
Then I thought of Mother. Of her fragile health. How she’d taken me in and loved me as her own. I thought about Father’s secrets and his foolish mistake to take all his savings and spend it on a school for me with that being the only hope of a good marriage. This was a chance for both of us. Theo loved me. I could love him in time. If I didn’t already.
Theo gestured toward the pasture. “Beyond there is the spot of land I’ve always wanted for a house. I’ll build one that has a room for your mother.”
He tapped the area where his heart beat so gallantly. “I have hope, Louisa, that someday you might love me.”
“To risk your happiness? The joy you might find with someone else?”
“You’re worth every risk, every gamble, every moment of the rest of my life in service to you.”
I looked down at my hat. A long courtship only to discover that I was not able to be the wife he needed. What if I could give myself to him? What kind of children would we bring into the world? They would be made from the same blood as my Pa. He was a terrible man. Would any of that be passed on to our offspring? He should know the full extent of Pa’s crimes. “Theo, there’s something I want to tell you.”
“Anything.”
“It was my father who took me to the man. He sold me to him.” I held my breath, waiting to see what he would say.
Theo’s chest rose and fell. His fists balled at his sides. “How many
times?”
“Just once. Your family found me on the side of the road after it had happened. I’d gone home looking for money to buy food.” Finally, I’d just collapsed, too tired and hungry to go farther. The next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and saw Quinn. “After that, the Linds took me in.”
“Do you remember where the house was?”
“No. We walked there. That’s all I know. The details are blurry.” I peered up at him. “But Theo, it was ages ago. The man was older. He wouldn’t even be alive.”
“I want to kill them both with my bare hands.” Theo hung his head. “Louisa, I don’t know what to say.” He returned his gaze to me. “How could you ever trust anyone again? No wonder you’ve not been able to let anyone in. Your own father. My poor girl.” A lone tear dripped from his eye and down his cheek.
“It was Pa who was bad. The man too. Not most people. Most are good, and some are spectacular like you and your family.”
“I’ll never hurt you. Do you understand?”
“I understand.” My eyes filled. I dabbed at my cheeks before tilting my chin upward. “You may kiss me now if you wish.”
He put his hands on the lapels of his jacket, which was still draped over my shoulders, and brushed his lips against mine before pulling away. This was not the wild storm of last night’s emotional kisses—more like the promise of spring in a warm breeze during the deep midwinter. “Now, let’s get you to bed. Your mother will be worried if I keep you out any later. I’ve got work in the morning as well.”
I nodded and let him guide me toward the cottage. My mother had left the light on that hung over the door. Inside, I could see a lit lamp behind the curtain.
“When it comes time and you’ve said yes, I’ll ask your mother for her blessing.” Theo pulled me against him. “I’ll give you a good life. I promise no one will ever hurt you again.” He kissed me again, this time with a passion that made my legs tremble.
I’m not afraid, I thought. Not of Theo.
***
Mother was in a chair knitting when I came inside the cottage. The room was dim with only one lamp lit.
“Mother, it’s late. Were you waiting up for me?” I shivered in the chill of the room. Without Theo’s jacket for warmth, my bare arms were cold.
“I couldn’t sleep.” She set aside her knitting. “Did you have a nice time?”
“I did. You weren’t worried, were you?”
“Not with Theo.”