“And how’s he going to find out?” He spoons a heaping serving of hash browns on his plate while we wait for someone to refill the scrambled eggs. “What, now you’re trying to blackmail me? You going to tell on me to my own father?”
“Of course not,” I say. I force a breath through my nostrils and re-strategize. I’m taking the wrong approach with him. “Sorry, I just … I don’t want you going home with an even guiltier conscience.”
He snorts. “Let me worry about that, not you.”
I’m not getting through to him.
“Maybe you’re right,” I change my tune, opting for some good, old-fashioned reverse psychology. If he can hear how ridiculous he sounds, maybe something will click.
He gifts me a sideways glance. “Oh, yeah? About what?”
“Everything,” I say. “You’re only twenty-two. This is really the only time you can be young and stupid and carefree before you’re saddled with a career and responsibilities … who cares if you put yourself first as long as no one finds out … we only live once.”
“Exactly,” he says.
My throat burns and my tongue is on fire with everything I truly want to say to my best friend right now.
“And yeah, I think you are settling for Jovie.” The words cross my lips with minimal effort, though I feel the sting of them deep in my chest. “From the outside looking in, it seems like things have gotten stale. I bet that’s why you’re getting restless. You two don’t really have that fire you had in the beginning. It’s more of a low flame.”
“You think?”
“I do,” I lie. Jovie still has that fire in her eyes when she looks at him, but his has long since died out. “I think you’re one wind gust away from being extinguished.”
A teenaged server dressed in all white refills the scrambled eggs. Jude takes two servings—one for him, one for the blonde.
“When you put it that way …” He nods and his dark brows lift, as if he’s entertaining a silent conversation in his head.
“Jovie’s loyal as hell,” I say. “I think she’s with you because she hasn’t had a reason to leave you yet—she hasn’t had a reason to think that there might be someone else out there who makes her feel alive again.”
He places two healthy scoops of fresh sliced strawberries, bananas, and pineapple onto his overflowing plate, taking the last of what’s left in the buffet serving bowl—never mind the ever-growing line of people behind him.
“Maybe you’re both holding each other back,” I say, twisting the invisible knife I inserted moments ago. It’s not easy speaking this way about Jovie, but it’s crucial to remind Jude that she could easily find love in the arms of another man. “Maybe it’s time you let her go so you can both be happy again.”
I’m straddling the finest line here.
Part of me wants to save Jovie from the heartbreak of being dumped by a man she’s loved with her whole heart for the past three years. The other part of me wants to save her from the heartbreak of marrying a man capable of fucking around behind her back and sleeping like a baby afterwards.
I’m straddling the finest line.
“You know what?” He turns to me, his sleep-deprived eyes suddenly crystal clear. “I think you’re absolutely right. Screw it. I’m going to have a fucking blast while I’m here, and when I get home, I’m going to end it with Jovie. Life’s too short, man.”
With that, he heads over to the table-for-two the blonde has claimed for them.
I take my breakfast up to the room, and I spend the remainder of the morning stewing over soggy oatmeal, dry bacon, and salty hash browns.
Later in the day, I meet up with some of the other guys for an afternoon of snorkeling and zip lining. I slap a smile on my face and try to convince everyone that I’m having the time of my life, but inside little pieces of me are dying.
It’s the strangest thing, standing amongst palm trees, vivid blue skies, a gentle rolling sea, and a soft-sweet breeze—and wishing I were anywhere but here.
Several days from now, when we’re back in Maine, Jude’s going to break Jovie’s heart, I’ll never see her again … and in a way, all of this will be my fault.
I planted the seed in fertile soil, knowing it would germinate all week until it would eventually bloom.
I remind myself it’s for the best, that Jovie deserves better than him, and then I tell myself that someday—if I’m lucky—the feelings I have for her will fade away until there’s nothing left; until the gaping hole inside my chest closes up once and for all.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Stone
* * *
I’m over halfway through my work day when I get a text from Jovie. Closing out of my email, I dedicate all of my attention to the single sentence displayed across my phone screen.