Dr. Steinbeck fixes me with a look over her bifocals.
“Olivia, you know the best relationship is one with open communication, and part of this is letting Jason know that you’re ready for physical intimacy. Sometimes, stating your desires in plain English is the best way to move forward. If you feel the time is ripe, and if it’s bothering you, then you should absolutely bring it up with him.”
I bite my lip and look down.
“I know,” I say in a soft voice, “but it’s not easy.”
“No, it’s not, but you can do it,” my therapist says in an encouraging tone. “Let’s talk about some strategies to communicate your needs to him.”
For the remainder of my fifty minute session, Dr. Steinbeck and I discuss methods to approach Jason about the lack of physical intimacy in our relationship. To my surprise, I do feel better knowing I have a plan in mind, and my mood’s brightened by the end of the session.
“Thank you, Dr. Steinbeck,” I say while getting up. “I didn’t think this would be that useful, but it actually is.”
She smiles and nods while opening the door for me.
“Glad to be of assistance, Olivia. Remember, intimacy comes in stages, and you don’t have to throw it all out there at once. Test the waters, use the strategies we discussed, and then we’ll talk about it at your next session.”
I nod gratefully.
“I will.”
With that, I leave the office and head out to the parking lot where my VW’s parked. Once I’m in the driver’s seat, I stop for a second to breathe before turning on the ignition. After all, I don’t want the dreams to stop exactly. They feel good, and I love the closeness that I get with Jason even if it’s just a figment of my imagination.
Yet I want the real thing too, and with that, I turn the key with a determined snick. I’m going to follow my doctor’s orders and decrease my meds, but I hope that the strategies we discussed work too. I need to talk with Jason about this, and the sooner the better. After all, he’s been a force for good in my life. Just six months ago, I felt like I was living in a shadow, unable to break free from the darkness of my father’s death. But with Jason, I feel like I’ve gotten a new lease on life. The sun shines once more, and I don’t wake up with a ball of dread in my stomach. That’s why I love the handsome man so much, and why I want this relationship to succeed even if I have my work cut out for me.
9
Olly
It’s been two weeks, and I haven’t gotten a chance to sit down for a serious discussion with Jason yet, but all in good time. I will get to it. I will, I promise myself. But in the meantime, I can still meet my buddy Janelle for coffee.
“Good morning,” I groan as I heave myself into the chair at the little table where she’s waiting. The curvy brunette shoots me an odd look.
“You okay girl? You don’t look so good.”
I shoot her a half smile. “Yeah, I don’t feel great to be honest. I’ve been nauseated all week, and I wonder if it’s the vaccine. I just got my second shot, and you know those things. They make havoc of your immune system.” But then, as I struggle out of my jacket, I cringe, and Janelle shoots me another weird look.
“What is it? Is your arm sore?”
I shake my head.
“No, it’s not my arm, it’s my boobs,” I confess. “I think I must be PMSing or something because they’ve been really sensitive for a couple weeks now. It’s crazy.”
I sigh because the omicron variant seems to have taken over the world, but I’m grateful to have the vaccine even if it makes me sick. Yet, aching boobs are definitely not one of the reactions that most people experience. Meanwhile, Janelle stares at me.
“You can’t be serious, Olly. You’re not this dense.”
I shoot her a quizzical look, but before I can say anything, nausea hits me hard. Bolting up, I run to the bathroom and barely make it into a stall before vomit spews from my mouth in an ugly waterfall. Within seconds, Janelle is behind me, holding my hair back as I upchuck again.
“Hey girlfriend, take it easy,” she soothes. “You’re fine, you’re fine.”
Finally, after a few more enormous heaves, I collapse against the metal stall wall, panting and sweaty.
“I shouldn’t have come today because I’m obviously coming down with something. Sorry you had to see that, Jan.”
She shakes her head.
“No, it’s fine, Olly. Besides, I don’t think what you have is contagious.”
I nod.
“Yeah, of course not. I just got the vaccine so it’s really unlikely that I have coronavirus.”