"Is this your one impression of New York?"
"Who talks about the quality of the pizza."
"And bagels."
"And coffee." She smiles. "And spends every day roaming the MoMA."
"What do you have against the MoMA?"
"She does." She laughs.
"In pink."
"MoMA Barbie."
"Exactly."
She laughs. "Your type." She motions to her less than ample chest.
"Don't."
"Don't what?"
"Suggest I wasn't a fan of your body."
"MoMA Barbie isn't all tits and ass?"
"No. She's tall and slim."
"You just had to throw in tall, didn't you?" She shakes her head. "That's low."
"Like the shelves you can reach."
She flips me off.
I try the coffee. It's perfect too. And better with the almond milk. Softer. "Do you really want to discuss my sex life?"
"Yes."
That's strange.
Cassie folds her hands. "I wanted to apologize. For how I acted about your preferences."
"I pushed too hard."
"Yes, but I pushed back too hard. I realized something when I rebounded."
I raise a brow.
"I won't overdo the details."
"You can. I don't mind."
"You don't?"
No. There's no jealousy in my stomach. No desire to claim Cassie. I don't feel the pain of our distance anymore, but I feel it. We're worlds apart. I loved her. A part of me will always love her. But she's not mine and I'm not hers and that's okay. "I don't."
"We have that in common."
"You want to hear about my sex life?"
"No. Well, yes, I wouldn't mind. But I meant your tastes. We… have the same tastes."
"Oh."
"It surprised me too." Her cheeks flush. "And the tiger woman implications… But I do. I like being in control."
"You've tried?"
"A lot."
"You're safe?"
"Max."
"You showed up here to check on me."
She doesn't protest.
"I can check on you."
"I'm an adult. I don't need to be reminded to use protection. And I've been a woman my entire life. I've been careful around men since before you realized men were dangerous."
I deserve that.
"But, yes, I'm safe. One guy. Someone I know. Someone who confessed his interests a few years ago."
"Chad?"
Her blush deepens.
"He's actually named Chad?"
"He didn't pick it."
"Still."
"Don't be an asshole."
"I can't help it."
She nods in agreement.
"How is Chad?"
"Chad is the perfect sub." Her blush spreads to her chest. "I still feel strange saying it."
"You'll get used to it."
"You promise?"
I nod. "Will I find a leather corset in your closet?"
"And thigh-high boots."
"Really?"
"Maybe. Maybe not." She smiles and takes a bite of her sandwich. "I'm sure you'd like to know."
"I would."
She shrugs too bad, but she's not quite casual.
"He was tall."
"See? It hurts, doesn't it?"
"I'm tall enough," I say.
"He's taller."
I laugh. This is strange but normal, and all the stranger for how normal it feels. "Tall guys can't be submissive?"
"No. He's just… imposing. I'm surprised."
"And your new playmate?"
"She's not mine," I say.
"Was she sweet and innocent?"
"In some ways."
"All the pink?"
"And young."
She raises a brow really? "How young?"
"Too young."
"A barely legal thin New Yorker who wears only pink."
"Her main qualities, yes."
"As long as we're on the same page." She laughs and takes a long sip. "Do you miss her?"
"I do."
"Are you going to see her again?"
"I don't know. It was a fling."
"You should. I…" She takes a deep breath. "I'm worried about you, as a friend."
"Cassie—"
"Let me say this."
I nod.
She continues. "I know things were strained when we ended, but I meant what I said about wanting to be there for you. I can't imagine losing my best friend. And that way too… Are you dealing with it?"
"Here and there."
"Therapy?"
"You're recommending therapy?"
"I'm enlightened."
"Did Chad talk you into it?"
"Fuck off." She laughs. "He's sweet."
"I imagine."
"Seriously, Max. You know it's not your fault, right?"
I say nothing.
"Max."
"I don't know."
"Do you really think your best friend's suicide was about you?"
"I don't mean that."
"But you're guilty?"
"I ignored the signs. I believed he was the happy one. I was sure I was the one who'd end with that fate."
"Do you still?"
"I don't know."
"And your pink-loving girlfriend?"
"What about her?"
"Did she know him?" she asks.
"She did."
"What did she think?"
"She didn't see it either."
She raises a brow see.
"They weren't close."
"You weren't close either. Not anymore."
"But that—"
"Wasn't your fault either."
Maybe.
"It happens to everyone. We grow up, grow apart, want different things."
"We ran a business together."
She nods true. "But he wouldn't want this. He wouldn't want you to be miserable."
"It's early in the day for this level of attack?"
"It's noon in New York." She takes another bite of her sandwich. "What would Raul want?"
"To hear about you and Chad."
She laughs. "For you?"
"For me to hear about you and Chad."
"Then…"
"He'd want to hear about my—"
"Playmate?"
"Opal."
"Like the rock?"
I nod.
"And you made fun of Chad?"
"Opal is better than Chad."
She motions sorta. "How is Opal?"
"I don't know. Hurt, probably."
"She didn't want it to end?"
"I was her first."
"You slept with a virgin?"
"Her first… playmate."
"Is that all it is?" she asks.
"I don't know."
"Do you love her?"
"I might."
Her cheeks curl into a smile. "I can't believe it."
"Because I'm not capable?"
"No… how normal this feels. How happy I am, for you. Really, Max. You deserve good things."
I swallow hard.