“That you’re a good person,” she answered, running her thumbs over my hands. “You deserve happiness more than anyone I know, because you gave me my shot at mine. And now that I have my happiness, I’m going to do whatever I can to help you find yours.”
All I could do was look at her for a moment. Stunned. Amazed. So fucking overwhelmed by my adoration.
“I have it right here, Holland,” I said.
And the little smile she gave me after was all I needed—for this birthday, the next, and all the others that followed.
“You ready then?” she asked.
I nodded, pulling her close to kiss her deeply, sweeping my tongue against hers before I peeled her her tank top up over her head. Our mouths found each other again as she tugged at my sweats, and when we were finally down to our underwear, we broke away and stood before each other with our eyes dancing in excitement.
I took the plunge first.
Then she followed.
One free fall after the other.
And when she burst up to the surface with the biggest smile, I couldn’t help but mirror it, laughing as my blood rushed and my heart pounded. Adrenaline surged through me as I pulled her close, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing her through all the words I couldn’t hold in anymore.
“I love you, Holland. I’ve loved you for a long time now. And I’m never going to stop.”
38
IAIN
“Just like the good ol’ days, right?” Adam called to me from across the bar, holding up two pints of the shitty beer we used to drink when we came here as law school students who didn’t have clients yet and thus no need for flashy meetings or remotely sophisticated taste.
“So this is where I’d hear you guys go off to at night,” Holland laughed, perched on my lap as we watched A.J cue up for a shot at the pool table. “God, I used to just lay in bed and wonder forever what kind of bars you were sneaking off to,” she said as I smirked and kissed the back of her neck.
She looked like an effortless knockout tonight in a white Empires V-neck and a pair of those ripped denim shorts she made herself, and with a pool cue in hand, she seemed much more likely a regular here, not a starry-eyed first timer who couldn’t stop looking around like a tourist in Times Square.
I smiled as I watched her survey the bar, taking in its pretty typical sports bar decor like it was something much more interesting. But in truth, if it was interesting to her, it was interesting to me. Because while it had taken some time, I was starting to find her appreciation for the simple things infectious.
Starting to realize just how much good I had in my life.
“You know what, I lied, it’s not the good ol’ days,” Adam said when he came back, handing me my beer. “It’s a million times better, because this one is here,” he grinned, reaching over to ruffle Holland’s hair before turning to heckle A.J despite the fact that they were on the same team.
I smiled instinctively at the sound of Holland’s laugh as I took a drink of my awful beer, which a part of me wished was coffee, because I was completely wiped after my first day back to work following my first ever long weekend. There’d been plenty to catch up on, and it had been easily one of the busiest work days of my life, but as tired as I felt right now, I was still grinning from ear to ear because I had Holland leaning back against me right now, giggling at Adam’s antics and asking to try a sip of my beer.
Apparently, the solution to any bad feeling was just holding her to my chest.
I’d felt ripped wide open the other night after I told her the truth about everything. Daniel. My father. Growing up the way that I did, I’d felt vulnerable more than a couple of times. But the other night wasn’t as simple as feeling vulnerable.
I felt like a bleeding wound.
It was every rush of emotion I’d feared and spent years training myself not to have. And I wouldn’t have believed it if anyone told me a month ago that I would feel that way, confess those sins, and live to tell the tale. As I had said them to Holland the other night, I wasn’t fully sure I’d survive it.
But I did because as freely as my heart bled, just holding her against my chest had made me feel okay. Good, even.
Whole.
It made me feel like one day, the bleeding might actually stop.
The pain of what happened was never going to disappear, but now that I’d reached into my heart and touched it, it didn’t feel so much like a dark beast I had to bury. It just felt like another part of me. It wasn’t pretty and it was still raw.
But I was going to work on helping it heal.
“Okay, you should probably stop that now,” Holland whispered, making me peer up in the middle of planting soft kisses along her neck.