“I’m sorry,” he said.
“It’s okay,” I replied, though only because the mention of my sister took my attention off my nerves. I wasn’t normally happy to talk about her. Just her name raised my blood pressure. But apparently, massaging a shirtless Drew Maddox raised my blood pressure even more, so somehow, the topic of Kaylie tonight was almost like a vacation.
“What was she sick with?”
I looked up at him, wanting to give him shit for his persistent curiosity. But I didn’t.
“She was a heroin addict,” I said, focusing on the pressure I was applying to his muscles. “Whenever she tried quitting, the withdrawal symptoms included muscle aches. Leg cramps in particular for her.”
“You were the younger one?”
“Yes. By four years.”
“How old were you when you started helping her with the cramps?”
“Exactly twelve.”
“Exactly twelve?” Drew repeated. “How do you remember that?”
“Because her first overdose was on my twelfth birthday.”
I remembered because Mom had hyped me up for a big surprise the whole day before, but on the morning of my birthday, I woke up to an empty house that remained empty all day.
I wouldn’t find out till Mom got home at night that she’d taken Kaylie to the ER first thing in the morning, for her first overdose in a year of using. Mom had stayed a few hours at the hospital before getting in her car and driving furiously to the middle of nowhere, screaming and crying the whole way, and eventually stranding herself with no gas or phone. She was so tired by the time she got back that she couldn’t handle all my questions and tears. She just closed her bedroom door on me and went to sleep.
“She quit after that?” Drew asked.
I looked up at him, still so suspicious of him when he asked questions about me. I really couldn’t imagine that he actually cared about anyone’s story. My theory now was that he was using the grim topic of Kaylie the same way I was – to distract from the overly sexual nature of what we were doing.
“That was her first try. There would be many others. In fact, she’s in the midst of another try right now.”
“How often do you speak to her?”
“Never. I moved out when I was seventeen and I’ve been no-contact with her since,” I replied, trying to sound cold and casual, as if I didn’t carry guilt with me every day.
/> I knew I succeeded because without even looking at Drew, I could see his eyebrows lifting up high. I was sure he was judging me. I felt like I deserved to be judged.
But when he spoke, he reminded me of his own relationship with his family.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he said, his words kind but his tone harsh. “People act like blood means more than your own sanity. But it doesn’t.”
I didn’t look at him as I moved my hands up to his thigh, right above his kneecap.
“I know. And I tried to help for a long time,” I defended myself, because I always felt like I had to. “She stole from me, hit me, spit on me, and I’d take it because she was sick. She didn’t ‘mean it.’ But even after she broke my arm, my mom defended her.”
“How the fuck did she defend that? And how the fuck did she break your arm?”
The genuine anger in Drew’s voice made me look up in surprise, but it was nothing compared to the fiery blaze of his stare. Okay, so it wasn’t so much sympathy for me as rage for the world.
“Well.” I looked back down, using both hands to work the seemingly impenetrable muscle of his lower thigh. “My mom kept saying she couldn’t help it, and to remember when Kaylie and I were best friends. But after six years of this and being thrown down a fucking flight of stairs one day when I wouldn’t give Kaylie any more money, I said I was done. I wasn’t going to keep waiting for the day she went back to who she was. As much as I loved her, as much as I still miss her, she’s not there anymore. It’s not her. And I can’t let her bad decisions dictate my life anymore.”
“Of course,” Drew said, his voice almost gentle. By his standards at least. I looked up at him. “You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else,” he muttered, wincing and groaning in between as I worked up to the middle of his thigh.
I couldn’t help but smirk a little.
“You’ll hate knowing this, but those were the exact words Mike said to me when he convinced me to cut them out of my life.”
“You’re right, I do hate knowing that,” Drew shot back fast. But then he relaxed again, rolling his head back and sucking in a long, deep breath between his teeth as I pushed the heel of my palm along his hamstring. “God, Evie, that feels so fucking good.”