“Of course I am. You know what kind of life she had before she met me – she knew exactly what was going to happen every day. She was fine. Then I came along and turned her world upside down because I couldn’t stop myself from seeing her,” I grumbled, jerking my hand through my hair. “She was just… fucking hard to quit. And trust me, I tried. I told myself night after night that this would be the last one I cared and the next morning, I’d wake up dreaming about her.” When I dropped my hands from my face, I glared at Tess. “Why are you smiling?”
Tess shook her head. “I’m not.”
“This isn’t arguable, Tess. I don’t know how the hell to fix things right now and there’s a fucking smile on your face.”
She threw her arms out. “I’m sorry!” she said, bursting out laughing. “I’ve just known you my whole life and I’ve never had the pleasure of seeing you in love, so sorry for being at least somewhat amused.”
“I’m glad my torment amuses you.”
“Well, I’m glad you didn’t correct me just now. So you are in love with her?”
I stared at her. “You’re not that clever, Tess, so don’t give me that smug-ass face.”
“Say the words. You love her.”
I ignored her. “What do I do now? You’re a woman. Tell me.”
“Well, for starters, I think you should breathe in and breathe out. I’m sure she’s staying with Sara but she’s going to have to come back here at some point to get her work stuff.”
“And you’ll tell me the second you hear her?”
“No, I’m not going to violate her privacy like that.”
“What the fuck, Tess?”
“Hey, you fucked up by not saying ‘I love you’ back to her when you know you felt it. Also, you fucked up by letting Noelle so much as lay her eyes on her,” Tess argued to my irritation. “With work and Cam and now Noelle, can you imagine how overwhelmed Lia is right now? She needs some time. And if her career is getting as busy as you say, she might wind up needing even more time. And you’re just going to have to give that to her.”
“I don’t want to be without her. I don’t think I can.”
I could see Tess itching to fire back with some attitude but she softened.
”I know she helped you get through this month, Lukas. Honestly, she helped me, too,” she said, pulling her sleeves up over her hands. “Every time I heard you on the phone, you were so calm and happy and in a way, it calmed
me down, too. It’s not like I didn’t spend nights crying over Wyatt, thinking about him, but it helped a lot to know we weren’t both spiraling,” she whispered, laughing softly to herself. “You’re gonna get mad at me but at one point, I texted Julian asking if you were really as okay as you sounded. If you were hiding anything from me.” She glanced up at my unchanged expression, her eyes glinting as she smiled. “He said you really were happy – that you weren’t doing anything crazy, you weren’t blacking out or getting into trouble with Emmett. He said all you were doing was spending time with ‘the girl’ and to me, it felt like a miracle. I was so happy you found love that it gave me something else to think about. Besides Wyatt, besides Cam. And honestly, it healed me, too.” When I looked away, she laughed. “Don’t hide your tears from me, asshole. I’ve cried in front of you enough times.”
“Yeah, but you’re my little sister, so you’re supposed to,” I said, putting Tess in hug-slash-headlock I reserved only for her. I kissed the top of her head. “I’m glad we both did okay this month.”
“We did better than okay. Especially you.” Wrestling out of my grip, she looked up at me. “You’ll find her and make it up to her. I believe in you.”
“Thanks, kid.” I laughed because she looked like a little squirrel brushing away all the hair I hugged into her face. With a sigh, she blew the last lock out of her eyes.
“It’s gonna take time is all. I’ve known Lia for two-and-a-half years and she’s spent every day I’ve known her busting her ass to get to exactly where she is now. She’s got a lot on her plate right now.”
“You’re right.” I tugged on my lip. “Shit. Do you remember the name of her investor? Elaine? Elaine something?”
“Dude, I didn’t give you that speech so you’d try to track her down through her investor.”
“Yes or no – do you remember the name?”
“No,” Tess answered, tugging on my sleeve when I started off. “Where are you going?”
“Somewhere. Don’t exhaust yourself trying to stop me,” I snorted, watching her heels drag like she was jet skiing across the floor.
“Stop it, Lukas. Give her time!”
“I don’t have time. I can’t fucking breathe without her.”
Tess let go of me. I heard her stumble back a few steps and glanced over my shoulder at her. When I glanced back at her, she was shaking her head and laughing at me.