If she’d looked too hard, she’d feared she’d also see regret, so she’d looked away instead. Did her best to silently, urgently convey that everything should go back to the way it had been before. She’d be a good girl again, and he could resume sweet-talking the pants off any single, eligible woman who crossed his path. He hadn’t pushed too hard. Pushy wasn’t his way. Shay favored the path of least resistance.
Not fair, her conscience chastised. She’d wrestled with her own share of guilt. She’d practically run home to return to the safe, familiar role of filial daughter who followed the rules and never made trouble. He’d sensed her need for that, and he’d given it to her.
Ford said something, but she’d been too deep into her memories to hear. She turned and took in his somber face. “I’m sorry. What?”
“Did you love him?”
Was that sympathy in his eyes, or something else…something that made her pulse bounce like a clumsy basketball dribble? She managed a smile. “Yes…”—and shook her head, determined to be honest where she could—“…but no. Not the way you mean.”
Now his expression wasn’t so hard to define. Relief. And who could blame him? He was already stuck dealing with a single, pregnant girl who’d just been disowned by the only parent she had. At least he didn’t have to deal with a broken-hearted, single, pregnant girl who’d just been disowned by the only parent she had. What she needed to do at this point was un-stick him. He’d been kind to come after her and make sure she was all right, but this was her situation to handle. She had to be strong and self-sufficient. Strong like a mother. “I should let you get back.”
He didn’t move. Just continued staring at her. Finally, in a calm, quiet voice, he said, “Where are you going to go, Lilah?”
Excellent question. One she’d been asking herself since she’d first stared at that pink plus sign in the test stick window and still had no good answer. A lump wanted to form in her throat at her utter lack of progress in securing an alternate living arrangement despite knowing full well her mother was going to react exactly as she’d reacted. She’d simply thought she’d have more time to line something up. “I…um…I’m working on that.”
His gaze didn’t waver. “Okay. Once you have the place figured out, how are you going to get there?”
What an odd question. “I’ll drive.” And then it hit her. She didn’t have her purse, her wallet, license…anything. She’d left everything in her bedroom of the converted apartment she shared with her mom at the inn and walked out with just the clothes on her back. The only way to get the things she needed was to go back, which risked another devastating encounter she honestly couldn’t handle right now.
Her stomach sank, and the lump in her throat grew painfully thick. Defeated, she lowered her forehead to the steering wheel and closed her eyes against the sting of tears. So much for being strong and self-sufficient. “When I left for the party, I didn’t bring my purse or my phone. Didn’t think I’d need them just to go downstairs to celebrate my birthday. Mom and I were in the elevator when she looked at me and said to go easy on the cake because I was putting on weight, which was, I guess, the straw that broke this camel’s back. I told her there was a good reason for my weight gain, and it had nothing to do with overeating. I think you saw the rest. I have to go back and get my things.”
His big, warm hand splayed across her shoulders, rubbing gently. “No, you don’t. I’ll take care of it. Just tell me what you need.”
Maybe it was cowardly of her, but she practically wept with relief at not having to march back into the place that had once been her home, and in which she would likely never be welcomed again.
“You’ve lied to me. Not once, but daily. Every day since you did this was a lie. I can’t look at you. I don’t know you.”
“My purse.” She raised her head, stared through the blurry windshield, and realized she was crying after all. Impatient with herself, she wiped her eyes and tried to organize her needs into a concise list. “My phone and charger. Some clothes.”
“Specifics?”
“Anything. They’re probably all strewn on the sidewalk by now.”
“Nobody back there would let that happen, no matter how upset Rose is. You still doing online college courses in the mornings?”
The question caught her off guard. “Uh-huh.”
“I’ll grab your laptop and charger. Anything else? Medications, vitamins, um…protein drinks?”
She must have looked confused, because his shadow of a smile returned, with a slightly self-deprecative twist. “Sorry, I don’t know what a pregnant woman needs. I’m thinking prenatal vitamins, stuff for morning sickness.”
“Oh.” He had his head in the game more than her. “I have some vitamins in the makeup bag in my bathroom. The morning sickness backed off after the first trimester, thank God.” She’d taken to wearing pantyliners just lately, as her body made adjustments for the baby growing inside her, but she wouldn’t drag either of them through that discussion. Pantyliners could go on her shopping list.
“Can you think of anything else?”
She couldn’t. Her mind felt like a wrung-out sponge. “No. And please don’t go to a lot of trouble. Honestly, I can get by as long as I have my purse and phone—”
He cut her off by getting out of the truck. “Sit tight. I’ll be back in a few.” With that, he shut the door and disappeared around the Jeep.
“Thank you,” she whispered to the empty cab and wrapped her hands around the wheel to hold herself together while restless energy prickled under her skin. After a moment, she switched to rubbing her stomach in slow circles because the baby started to kick. Like magic, the nerves subsided.
This wasn’t an end. It was a beginning. She had a purpose—an important one. More important than a birthday party, or the opinions of people in town who might think less of her for becoming an unwed mother. More important, even, than her relationship with her own mother. Her biggest duty was no longer that of a daughter. She looked down and rubbed her belly again.
She deepened her breaths and let her thoughts float, seeking the calm, restful place where she communed with the little life inside her. It took longer than usual to tune herself fully inward, which she blamed on the drama of the last hour, but eventually she found the quiet in the storm. She concentrated there, silent and still, until it felt like their hearts beat in unison.
You, I will love unconditionally. Maybe I made a mistake, but you are not a mistake. I promise to do my best to—
The passenger door swung open, nearly startling her out of her seat. Ford gave her an apologetic look and placed a full duffel bag on the passenger seat and a smaller duffel on the floor below. “Bridget and Izzy packed the necessities for you. Here’s your purse and phone.” He handed it to her. “And here”—he placed a Captivity Inn tote bag on the floor behind the passenger seat—“is your laptop.”