I understand that completely. Anything is better than sitting around and feeling helpless.
“Anyway, I just wanted to make sure that you check on Josie from time to time.”
Just the sound of her name hits me like a physical slap. “Jo’s here? Where is she?”
I didn’t hear her come in so she must have arrived while I was trying to wrestle Gabe up the stairs.
“She’s outside. Painting.”
“Oh.” I don’t need to hear anything else. “I’ll take care of it.”
Debbie squeezes my arm before walking back down the stairs. I hear her walking around and then the slam of the front door closing and still I stand there. I’m not ready to deal with what’s next. Taking care of Gabe these past few weeks has been a challenge but even that doesn’t compare to what I’m about to do. Because as difficult as it’s been to see my brother hurt, I’ve also had to deal with the only other person who has the capacity to annoy and terrify me the same way he does.
The girl who has loved him forever.
†
As soon as I walk through the back door, I see her. She’s wearing faded denim coveralls and
her long, dark hair is up in a messy bun. I can only see her from behind but that face is burned into my memory. The dark slash of her eyebrows, the dramatic upturned brown eyes and the pouty mouth that has fueled so many of my fantasies.
I swallow hard, disgusted by myself. Shame has been a constant companion ever since discovering that I have a bit of a thing for my brother’s old girlfriend. We’ve all been friends so long that Jo is almost like a second sibling. She’s been trailing along after Gabe for years and I’ve practically watched her grow up.
Which makes me feel even more like a pervert for suddenly noticing that Josephine Harlow is insanely hot.
I’m so busy berating myself it takes almost a full minute before the destruction around me registers. When Debbie said she was painting, I knew I needed to get down here. Josie’s an artist but she prefers photography. She only paints when she’s upset.
The first week after Gabe’s attack, she came over every day to check on him. Afterward, she’d come out here and paint. She didn’t say anything to me and she didn’t cry. She just stood in front of the easel and painted until all the light was gone. It filled me with rage and helplessness every time to see her hurting like that, knowing there was nothing I could do.
But this is… different.
Paint is everywhere. She’s covered in it and so is my brother’s backyard. It looks like she bought several cans of paint and then blew them up one by one. When she leans down and sticks her hands directly into an open canister, I realize that isn’t too far off. She’s painting but she’s doing it in the most haphazard way possible, flinging it at the canvas in front of her with quick, angry swipes.
“I can really see the emotion in your work.”
Josie freezes mid-swing and the paint on her hands lands with a soft plop in the grass.
“Oh, hey.” She looks down at her hands like she isn’t sure where all the paint came from. Her cheeks flush pink and she sticks her hands in her pockets. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough to wonder who the hell is going to clean all this up.”
Her eyes narrow. “Bite me, Zack.”
Then her eyes latch onto mine and before I can stop myself, my arms are open. She launches herself at me, knocking into me so hard that I have to take a step back to keep us upright. There’s paint all over me now but I don’t even care. The only thing that matters is the way her shoulders are shaking beneath my hands. In that moment, all I care about is the fact that she’s hurting.
Her feelings for my brother have never been a secret. Ever since that terrible day when Gabe interrupted the assholes who were trying to take advantage of her at a party, she’s looked at him like he’s her personal hero. Most people assume Josie loves Gabe for the same reasons everyone else does. Because he’s handsome and charming and the kind of guy that girls like her dream of. They have no idea that she sees him as her own personal guardian angel.
But I do.
Everyone around us doesn’t know the circumstances behind it because as far as I know, none of us ever told anyone about what happened that night.
As much as Gabe and I wanted to go back and tear those guys apart, Josie was frantic. She was humiliated and frightened about what her parents and friends would say and think. She didn’t want anyone to know and so that night has become just one more thing that none of us speak of. Jo has been following us around ever since and after a while she blended seamlessly into the fabric of our lives. It should be strange how we adopted her, like a random puppy or something.
But she just fit with us.
“I finally got him upstairs. He just needs to sleep. You know nothing can keep Gabe down for long.”
Her fingers curl into my chest, balling the fabric of my cotton T-shirt beneath her fists. She rubs her face against my shirt and nods wordlessly. The helplessness I felt earlier comes back full force.