"You know you are. But then again, so is he."
"That's what it's about. Finding someone who makes you feel like you won the lottery. You always date these guys who don't appreciate you. I think you do it to stay in control. You need to meet someone who isn't intimidated by you but will challenge you."
Her words make me a little sad. "But what if I meet that guy and the challenge is too much?"
Eli appears at her elbow. "Sorry to interrupt but I need to get back."
Kay's eyes narrow and for a moment I'm sure she's going to ask me to explain that cryptic statement. Then she smiles and turns to Eli. "It's okay. I think we've meddled enough for one day."
* * * * *
The things Eli told me stay on my mind long after they leave. Even though I know Gabe has changed, I wonder what got him into stealing cars in the first place. It doesn’t fit with the things I know about him. The way he’s so protective of his family and the way he took care of me when I was sick. It’s so hard to reconcile that with a guy who stole cars and almost ended up in jail.
When Gabe shows up the next evening, I think he can tell that I have a lot on my mind. He settles back on the couch to watch television while I put a dish of baked chicken breasts in the oven. I set the timer and then drop down on the opposite end of the couch. He reaches over and pulls my feet into his lap.
“Rough day?”
I nod absently. It’s so nice to have someone here to share this part of the day with. Normally I’d watch the news while I finished dinner or maybe read a few chapters of a book. But my mind is running in so many directions and I know that I won’t be able to concentrate on anything with these questions unanswered.
“Eli and Kay came by yesterday. I think they’re a little worried about us spending so much time together. I guess Eli did background checks on all of you guys when Tank first found you.”
The hunted look on his face makes me sad. That’s not how I want to make him feel, like I’m judging him for his past choices. Especially since he’s never judged me for mine.
“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve told you over and over again that I’m not a good guy, Sasha. I’ve done a lot of things that I regret.”
“You think this makes a difference to me? I know you Gabe. I’m not judging you. I just want to understand.”
Gabe’s hand pauses in the middle of massaging the ball of my foot. After a heartbeat, the gentle motion starts again.
“Things were hard for our moms. Paula worked as a caretaker for an elderly cousin, which didn't pay much, and my mom was always a breath away from getting fired from her janitorial job. There never seemed to be enough money.”
He looks so far away and when he pauses, I’m scared to even ask what happened next. Even though I know everything worked out for them in the end, it hurts my heart to think of Gabe and Zack watching this unfold as little kids. My comfortable upbringing shielded me from this kind of suffering and it’s shocking to see it from the inside. And makes me more than a little ashamed that I’ve never thought about these kinds of things before.
He finally seems to come back to the present. “I don’t want you to think things were all bad. We had a ball growing up. In case you couldn’t tell, both of our moms are pretty gutsy ladies and they found ways to get by. Most of the time anyway.”
“Most of the time?”
His fingers tighten on my ankle. “Zack got sick a lot. He always had a compromised immune system but we didn't know he was diabetic then. Doctors aren’t cheap and the bills were just piling up. We were fourteen when we were evicted and had to live in our car for a while. I think our moms were terrified that we’d get split up and sent to different foster homes.”
Suddenly it’s like a light bulb comes on.
“That’s when you started stealing cars, isn’t it?”
My heart breaks right down the center when he nods silently.
A second later, his thumb strokes up the ball of my foot again. We stay just like that until the timer goes off and I have to get up to take the food out of the oven. Over dinner it seems like we’ve made a silent pact not to discuss it any further but I can feel him watching me when he thinks I’m not looking.
When I lead him down the hall to my bedroom later that night, it feels so natural, so right to take turns using my small bathroom to brush our teeth and get ready for bed. As Gabe climbs in the bed and pulls me back against him, it occurs to me that this is the first time we’ve shared a bed without making love.
But as his arm tightens around my waist and his breathing turns even and slow, it feels like love to me.
chapter thirteen
GABE
Over the next few weeks, Sasha and I settle into a comfortable rhythm. Between her temp jobs, her regular gig at the Piedmont and her work getting the club ready, staying over during the week is the only way I get to see her. If anyone had told me a few months ago that I’d basically be cohabitating with a woman and liking it, I would have thought they’d inhaled too much exhaust. But I do like it.
Almost as much as I like Sasha.