I shove a hand through my hair. "You're right."
She climbs atop me and grasps my face in her hands. "Look, the way we feel is sudden and intense but it doesn’t have to be scary. I’m not looking for anything serious right now either. Let's just keep this casual. I need to focus on the club and
my singing career. I really like you. I don't see why we can't just enjoy each other. Right?"
Everything she's saying should make me feel better but strangely the idea of Sasha sharing my bed and feeling nothing for me leaves me hollow. Which makes no sense. A gorgeous woman who wants to enjoy pleasure without expecting a proposal is everything I should want.
Isn't it?
She's still waiting for me to respond so I nod, mutely. Her face brightens and she pulls me closer for a soft kiss.
"Good. Now it's time for me to enjoy you naked." Then she rips the front of my dress shirt wide open and shoves me back on the bed.
* * * * *
Waking up with someone is a totally new experience. I know what Sasha thinks, that I've had a legion of women traipsing in and out of my bedroom, but I've never brought anyone into my bed before. Sex was about adventure and risk. Screwing in dark corners at clubs, in the car or even outside was more my style. A bed was fine as long as it wasn’t mine. I wasn't really interested in the intimacy of sharing sleeping space with anyone.
Until now.
After ripping my shirt off last night, she'd entertained herself by exploring every inch of my chest with her mouth. She seemed to enjoy being in charge and I had no problem letting her take advantage of me. I had shown considerable restraint in letting her do things her way until I'd finally flipped her over and taken her from behind. We'd both come violently, Sasha biting down on my thumb to keep from screaming. When I saw the little bruises on her hips, I'd been worried that I'd used her too hard. Sasha had reassured me that she was fine but it shook me, seeing those marks. Then I realized that maybe a part of me was trying to mark her.
She's sure as hell left her mark on me.
I glance over at her. She's cuddled up into a little ball, her hands pillowed under her cheek. Her hair is in wild disarray around her head and I know she's going to immediately want to tame it when she wakes up. I savor seeing her a little messy. The dark shadows that were under her eyes a few weeks ago have faded. She looks so peaceful. I'd never have thought that making someone else smile could so quickly become the focus of my whole world. But slowly, Sasha has infiltrated every aspect of my life. She fits into my zany family and she likes me.
The simplicity of that stuns me through and through. Even with everything she knows about me, who I am and what I've done, she likes me. She believes in me. And she makes me want to be a better man.
I move the covers back slightly, moving slowly so I won't disturb her. I pull on a pair of jeans and T-shirt and with one last glance back at Sasha, I make my way downstairs.
Zack is at the breakfast bar hunched over a bowl of cereal. "Hey. I noticed Sasha's car was still in the drive. It's not having any problems, is it?"
"No. She stayed over last night. She's still asleep."
His eyes widen slightly. Being under his gaze makes me feel antsy, so I start rooting around in the pantry, finally pulling out a box of dry cereal. I pop a handful in my mouth and lean against the counter. Zack raps his knuckles against the granite surface to get my attention.
His eyes are solemn as he says, "I'm really happy for you, man. She's amazing."
I crunch loudly on another handful of cereal, uncomfortable with the serious tone of the conversation. "She just crashed here last night, dude. I didn't say we're getting married."
His serious expression doesn't change. "You didn't have to. The fact that she's here says it all. And it's a good thing."
"Isn't this a little heavy for Sunday morning conversation?" Although I understand what he means, it makes me feel even more like a fraud. He thinks I'm stepping up to the plate, giving Sasha the serious commitment she deserves when I'm just another guy taking advantage of her trusting nature. Because if she knew the truth about me, she definitely wouldn't be upstairs wrapped in my blankets.
"I'm serious, Gabe. You deserve to be happy."
"Do I?" I don't have to qualify the statement. Zack knows who and what I am. What I'm capable of. He knows just how far I'm willing to go past any lines of morality when I want something.
Zack looks like he's about to say something else but before he can, his attention suddenly snaps to something over my shoulder.
"Morning."
I turn at the sound of Sasha’s voice. She's wearing my dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of my boxer shorts. Under my gaze she blushes slightly and tugs at the bottom of the shirt.
"I hope you don't mind." She glances over at Zack before her eyes come back to me, as if she's not sure how to act in front of him.
I move around the counter and pull her into my arms for a quick kiss. Afterward, she breaks into a wide smile.
"Of course I don't mind. It looks way better on you. Do you want some breakfast? We don't have much other than eggs."