Ivy’s face softens. “Get your own drinks. Pay your own way. And always have a way home. Then she’d get that look and I’d know another sex talk was coming.”
“Yeah. She was so proud of you when you went to college.” Thinking about my mom always makes me a little sad but I want to be able to remember her without always seeing her the way she was at the end. Scared.
Ivy grips the steering wheel tighter. “Yeah.”
“And then how she was so excited for me when I got that scholarship. She was almost more excited than I was. I wonder what she’d think of what I’m doing now. I guess she wouldn’t be—“
“I can’t talk about this with you!” Ivy shrieks.
The sudden outburst shocks me and the tears that have built up behind my eyelids suddenly spill over. She’s the only one with these same memories but she won’t talk to me about our parents. Ever. She won’t talk about them at all.
After riding in silence for a few minutes, Ivy glances over at me. “Look, all I want is for you to be taken care of. Now you’re dating this guy? I recognize him from the law office. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was some kind of criminal. Seriously, Emma? It’s time for you to stop playing around and get serious.”
It’s tempting to tell her just how wrong she is. She recognizes Tank but obviously never paid attention to his last name. If she knew how much money I’ve been offered to cozy up to Tank, she’d be all over me about it. Or she’d be all over Tank. Just the thought of that makes me itch.
“I am being serious. I still have my day job and I’m taking care of myself. I was just trying to earn extra money to save up for tuition faster but it’s okay. I’ll get the money another way.”
“I hate to say this Emma but you need to face facts. We’re alone now. There’s no one to help us if we mess up. I’ll try to help you but the things you used to wish for just aren’t possible now.”
“What are you talking about? There’s still the money Mom and Dad left each of us. I was hoping to get more grants so I wouldn’t have to use any of that but since I didn’t, I don’t have a choice. That’s what they would have wanted anyway.”
Her hands tighten on the steering wheel. “Oh Emma.”
Something about the way she says it has me immediately on edge. “What? What’s wrong now?”
She glances over at me and then back to the road. “Things were really hard after Mom and Dad died. The economy is bad and everybody is struggling. I didn’t have any choice.”
Even though my logical mind can see where this is going, I?
??m not ready to believe it. After everything else that has happened today I just can’t handle hearing that all my college fund money is gone.
“How could it all be gone? What the hell, Ivy?”
“Don’t blame me. You wanted to eat, too didn’t you? Maybe now you won’t look down on me so much that you understand how hard it’s been. You’re an adult now and I can’t keep shielding you from the truth. Reality is that we’re broke. And broke people don’t have the luxury of always staying on the straight and narrow because that doesn’t keep food on the table. If school is what you want, you’re going to have to be more aggressive. Figure out how to take what you want.”
My conversation with Mr. Maxwell floats through my mind. It seemed like such a seedy thing at the time. But in the end, how is it any worse than working at a strip club? Or what Ivy does, targeting rich men and seducing them? At least it’s not illegal and doesn’t involve me taking my clothes off.
Even though I technically had some of my clothes off earlier.
I shake my head to dispel the image of Tank’s bare chest. Last night was an anomaly. Going forward, I won’t be waking up in Tank’s bed. There’s no harm in inviting him out for the day and spending a little time with him. I can tell him about my visits with his dad, put in a good word and then let fate take care of the rest. Because Ivy is right. The money for my tuition isn’t going to come from thin air.
And million dollar job offers don’t come around very often.
CHAPTER SIX
TANK
I don’t have a lot of boundaries. This has gotten me into trouble a time or two in the past. So the thought occurs to me as I throttle my bike and merge onto the highway that running a background check on my brothers may not be exactly the right way to establish contact with them. It’s foolish but in the end, I decide it’s worth the risk.
I’ve had enough of surprises.
After Emma left, I couldn’t seem to settle down. Her smell lingered all throughout my house, in the kitchen, on the towels in the bathroom and on my sheets. There was nowhere to go that I could escape from thoughts of her. Last night was supposed to be about protecting her but instead it just fed my fascination.
When she was here, I was calm. For the past two months, ever since my mom got her cancer diagnosis, I’ve felt out of control. Sleep is elusive and I haven’t been able to find any productive way to channel the energy. When I was younger, I got into fights all the time. It was the only way to release the pent up anger I felt. After getting suspended multiple times, I’d come home to see my mom crying. She was overwhelmed working all the time and trying to figure out how to keep us boys out of trouble. It was the first time I’d been forced to see that I wasn’t the only one struggling with feelings I couldn’t control.
I wasn’t the only one who felt like I was drowning.
From that day, I quit fighting at school and worked hard to be the best son I could be. I made a pact to never see my mother cry again. But she cried when she told me about the cancer.