“Now you tell me something,” he whispers, still loud as hell.
I lean over and kiss his cheek, drawing in the scent of Vin and comfort. Hopefully it’ll be enough to keep me going.
“I’m glad you’re such a stalker.”
His eyes shine. “Anytime, baby.”
“Ariana Silva?” A nurse wearing pink scrubs looks around the room expectantly.
“That’s my cue.” I grab my purse.
When Vin starts to stand up, I put a hand on his arm.
“Could you wait for me? Actually, it’s probably going to take a long time. I mean, you can leave really. I’m okay now.”
He shakes his head. “I’ll be right here waiting for you when you come out.”
“Are you sure?” I feel kind of bad that he’ll be sitting here in this depressing waiting room with nothing but expired magazines to keep him company.
But that look is back in his eyes again, the one that says he’s not going to back down.
“What did I tell you outside? When you need me, I’m here.”
14
The waiting room is quiet. I sit in a rigid chair next to a stack of magazines with my eyes glued to the door that just closed behind Ariana.
On the outside, I’m the picture of calm. That’s what she needed from me so that’s what I managed to give her. Inside is another story.
It was unsettling to see this new side of her. This soft-spoken, unsure, scared version of Ariana. It physically hurt to see my beautiful girl sitting on that bench looking so defeated. If I could I would slay dragons to protect her.
But I can’t save her from this.
Everything makes sense now. All of it. The crazy shit she does to push me away. The longing I see in her eyes while she watches her friends with their partners. She doesn’t think she’ll get to have that because she won’t be here long enough.
And she might be right.
I run a hand over my face.
My emotions do not get to take center stage right now. This is not about me. This is about the woman who doesn’t even know she has my heart wrapped around her little finger.
This is about the bone-deep fear gnawing away at my gut that fate brought me back into her life too late.
She has cancer.
I’m falling in love with her and she has cancer.
The time that elapses between her name being called and when she eventually comes back seems like an eternity. Really, it’s probably only two hours. But I don’t move my ass from that seat any longer than it takes to stand and stretch my legs every half hour or so. If Ariana needs me for anything I plan to be right here.
Finally the door opens and she emerges. At least her eyes aren’t red anymore and she seems in better spirits as she waves at the nurse behind the front desk.
She motions for me to follow her. “I’m ready.”
When we emerge into the afternoon sun, it almost seems incongruous to hear birds chirping and see lazy white clouds moving across the blue sky.
The contrast between the somber office and the vibrant life outside its walls only makes the former seem even more dismal.
If I hadn’t seen her leaving this morning, I would have never known she was here. I send up a prayer to Papa for putting me in the right place at the right time. Then another for Mitch, the cabbie who’d been more than happy to drive like a maniac to keep up with her in exchange for an extra five hundred dollars.