He covers his mouth with his hand. “I noticed. You like to cause a bit of trouble, bella? Beautiful little devil.”
“Italian. I wondered where your accent was from.”
He looks alarmed. “Is it noticeable?”
“No. Your English is amazing. I can just hear a little something on certain words.”
He relaxes at that. “I’ve worked hard to lose it. It’s helpful in business to speak English like you’ve been to boarding school.”
“That’s very specific.”
“Tell me about it. The rules never end it seems. I’m Vin.”
“Like Vincent?”
“No.”
His refusal to give me anything else peaks my interest. This guy has game. He knows how to give just enough to gain my attention without making me feel like he’s the type to get overly attached and want me to meet his mother after the first date.
Then again, with a face like his, he’s probably the one running away from stage-five clingers.
“I’m Ariana.”
I brace myself for more questions. Usually I don’t want to encourage that much interest but this time maybe I’ll actually answer them.
He hums. “You like to push people away. Men like that make it easy I imagine.”
Stunned and feeling a little vulnerable at his spot on assessment, I turn the statement back around.
“I’m not pushing people away. I’m simply not going to waste my time on someone I’m not attracted to.”
He looks shocked. “Wow. So if he’d been attractive you wouldn’t have put a spell on his ancestors?”
It’s a struggle not to smile. But I refuse to give him any points when he’s trying to make me feel bad for the same thing men do all the time. People love to make women feel
that coddling men’s feelings is their responsibility. But you won’t see men doing the same for us and they’ll never feel guilty about that.
“Men don’t hit on women if they aren’t physically attracted. They go for what they want, when they want. All I’m doing is the exact same thing.”
“This is true. So you like to get straight to it, huh?”
If he’s expecting me to be ashamed, he came to the wrong bar. Owning my sexuality is probably the only positive thing my mother ever taught me. I’ll never allow a man to make me feel ashamed of the same needs they flaunt with no repercussions.
“Men can’t be trusted to stick around so what’s the point? I might as well get the one thing I actually need and then go home.”
There’s something in his eyes I can’t pinpoint. It almost looks like disappointment. Maybe he’s just not used to people telling it like it is.
“Maybe one day a man will surprise you.”
He only reminds me of what I can’t have. Plans. A future. All the things I learned not to hope for.
All at once I am tired. People who have a good support system have no idea how exhausting it is to be on your own. Every decision, every mistake and even every triumph is a weight you carry on your back. Sometimes I wish I could drop everything and run away screaming at the top of my lungs. But since I can’t do that, I settle for living in the moment.
“Do you want to get out of here?”
I’ve surprised him. He stares like he’s trying to see if I’m really on board with going home with a stranger. But this is how I have to live my life. In the moment.
Right now.