7
RENEE’S POV
Iwas so excited to get to my favorite spot to look at the stars, I practically jumped out of the car as soon as it was parked at Carl Schurz Park because. I meant what I said to Lucky before, it really had been far too long since I had the time to come here, and I ached to have the relief that came from peacefully looking up at the sky and knowing that the stars were always going to be there for me. I said that to my father once, but he simply dismissed the notion as one of my silly little artistic things. I hated it when he said it that way, when he dismissed any of my passions as if they were nothing. That was why I didn’t invite my family to the art show tonight. It wasn’t something that any of them were ever going to be interested in or proud of me for, so what was the point.
That was my first major art show. Sure, I only had a small piece in it, but it felt great to me. It felt like a step in the right direction for my career. Unfortunately, it came right at the moment my life was headed in another direction, meaning I wasn’t necessarily going to be able to capitalize on it. It was a real shame, something that tugged at my heart strings, but of course it wasn’t the only reason I wasn’t too happy about getting married.
I wished Lucky hadn’t brought up Diego tonight. Especially in the context of love and finding that one star meant for me. As if my emotions weren’t already all over the place with regards to the upcoming wedding. I still hadn’t found anyone I could talk to about everything surging through my brain, and I wasn’t sure if he was the friend I so desperately needed.
“The sky is beautiful,” he said from behind me, his fingers still tightly laced through mine. There was no way in hell I was going to let him go because then reality was going to come crashing down on me. “I’m glad we decided to do this.”
“Yeah,” I whispered back around a thick lump in my throat. “Me too. It’s really nice.”
I was trying to fight off reality, but it was coming for me anyway. Creeping through my veins, making me hold onto Lucky even harder. I wasn’t going to open up to him because it was just too embarrassing, and I didn’t want him to start looking at me with pity. It already seemed like Lucky could see things weren’t right when it came to me and Diego. I didn’t want to intensify that, especially since I didn’t know what Lucky would do with that information. Would he tell the other guys? Or worse, my father?
I kept my eyes firmly fixed on the sky as this overwhelmed me. I didn’t know what my father would think if he knew the truth. The truth I didn’t even want to admit to myself because it was just too painful. But it was here now, flooding me, almost making me want to lean over and throw up. Dad didn’t know that ever since he and Mr. Vanderbilt made a big deal of the engagement, putting an announcement in all of the newspapers that were interested, I couldn’t even go on the Internet anymore.
My social media accounts were off limits for my own mental health because my inboxes were filled with messages from women in Diego’s life. Or at least claiming to be in Diego’s life. Ex-girlfriends, current girlfriends, if I wanted to believe them, hook-ups… But because he had his surname, I wasn’t sure how much I could trust their words. I suppose that was something I could relate to, because I had a surname with the same implications. That was how I dealt with it. Or perhaps it was because a part of me wanted him to keep seeing those other girls so he wasn’t always focused on me. Especially after he said those words that wouldn’t stop bursting like fireworks in my brain. You won’t be able to refuse me soon. When you’re my wife, I can have you wherever and whenever I want. Even if I have to take you by force.
Diego wouldn’t give a shit. If I told him I got those messages, he would laugh it off or just deny it. It wouldn’t get me anywhere. He hadn’t slowed down since the engagement, and didn’t care how he was perceived. Nor did he care how it affected me. Even with the surname Vaughn, I couldn’t get respect from him. I got the impression that he loved how business-like this whole arrangement was because then nothing would really be his fault.
I’d been trying so hard not to go down this rabbit hole, but I’d sunk in deep now. Who would have thought that a painting of stars would have done this to me? But it wasn’t just the painting, was it? It started much earlier than that when Lucky made my heart race with his silly little flirty comments. There probably wasn’t anything meaningful in his remarks, but when Lucky said them to me, I honestly felt like I was the only woman on the planet. He just had this way of making me feel special. It may have been something he did to other women as well, but in that moment, I might as well have been his goddess. I never felt that way with Diego. He barely even made me feel like an option, much less the only one for him.
Shit, if I wasn’t careful, I was about to fall to my knees and weep like a baby. I couldn’t let Lucky see me like that.
“Hey, Renee.”
Oh God, now Lucky wanted my attention. I didn’t want to take my eyes off the stars and accept what was happening here and now, but I really didn’t think I had any other option. If I didn’t look at Lucky, he would know that something was wrong, but if I tried not to cry as I caught his gaze, then maybe I could push it to one side.
“It really is beautiful out here, you know?”
He rested his hand on my cheek and I couldn’t help leaning into it. It was a soft, gentle touch, which I really needed. It was a comfort unlike anything I thought I could get from anyone. I even let my eyes fall closed because I was so comfortable with Lucky. I guess he took that as permission to close the gap between us. Or maybe Lucky had already planned that because he was definitely bold, willing to push his luck. He pulled my face to his and crashed his lips to mine in a kiss. I knew it was wrong. Deep within me I was more than aware that this was not supposed to be happening, even more so than the incident with Toby, but I couldn’t stop myself. I stiffened, but only for the briefest of seconds before I melted into Lucky’s arms and kissed him back.
There was an intensity to this kiss, almost as if the flirting that had exchanged between us throughout the night was always leading to this. I hooked my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, I held onto him tightly, and snaked my tongue between his lips and really sunk into the kiss. The fact that it was taboo and oh, so wrong didn’t seem to matter. It felt right, more so than that horrible incident with Diego in the library at my house. There was no worry about force and corruption with Lucky. He sensed what I wanted, and he went with that feeling. Our bodies were in tune with one another. He didn’t even need to ask what I wanted, he just knew.
I wanted a man in my life who just knew what I wanted and needed without having to ask. Maybe I wasn’t the most sexually experienced woman on the planet—that incident with Toby was the closest I’d gotten to having any kind of sexual contact with a man—but I knew Diego wasn’t going to care enough about me to get to know my body in such a beautiful manner. Perhaps that was why I didn’t hesitate to wrap myself around Lucky and give him a part of myself that I hadn’t ever given anyone before. I felt wild and carefree under the stars at Carl Schurz Park, and I wanted to just go with that feeling. I wanted more of it, I yearned for more, ached for it. It was almost as if I had lost all control over myself.
All of a sudden, his fingers were under the hemline of my dress. I wasn’t even sure how it happened, but I certainly wasn’t doing anything to stop him. I couldn’t. By the time his fingers were grazing the cotton of my panties, I was far too breathless and dizzy to do a thing. Plus, the intense feel of him was just too much for me. I could hardly bear it. The thin waistband wasn’t enough to stop his touch from sending a flurry of electricity through my body, but it was also in the way. He didn’t know that there was a wetness pooling between my thighs all because of him. My fingers curled around the edges of his shirt. I clung to him hard like I needed him to remain upright as our kissing became heavier and more intense. With the stars shining down on us, giving us their blessing, I was in heaven.
“I want you,” I murmured without even thinking about what I was saying. It didn’t even matter that they were words I hadn’t ever said before, they felt so right on my lips. “I need you.”
Lucky wasn’t a man who needed to be asked twice. He slipped the material of my panties to one side and moaned, half in ecstasy, half in agony, as he finally dragged his finger along my soaking wet slit. I always thought it would be a strange, exposing feeling to have someone touch me like this, but how could I feel that way now when Lucky had flames licking all over my skin. I freaking loved this, it was electrifying. I gasped loudly, probably loud enough for the limo driver to hear, when finally Lucky plunged his fingers deep within me. Holy fuck! My brain clouded, heady with lust, and my hips bucked so I could ride his fingers as he explored me in a brand new way. I couldn’t keep track of the endless sensations flooding my body, there was just too much. Eventually, I tossed my head back and howled in sheer bliss.
Lucky pulled me closer to him so the warmth of his body could comfort me as his thumb traced over my clit. He continued to bury his fingers deep inside me, pumping wildly until my feet might as well have not been touching the ground. His thumb stroked over my hyper sensitive nub, picking up speed as he could see how primal he was making me. It was nice for me to be the one losing myself for a change, letting out the animal within me. Only my animal felt like a dragon of desire I could no longer lock away. Never again, not now.
“Lucky,” I whispered breathlessly as my body tensed. All the muscles in my thighs tightened as he pushed me ever closer to the peak of the mountain. With my pounding pulse and throbbing core, I knew I couldn’t hold myself together. I didn’t stand a chance of savoring this beautifully blissful moment for very long, because Lucky was dangling me over the knife’s edge. His expert fingers were about to make me fall, and there was nothing I could do. There were a lot of things that I wanted to express to Lucky at that moment, like how much all of this meant to me. But right now, he had complete control of me and there was nothing I could do. “Lucky, I…”
And then I fell. I tumbled hard and fast, falling head first into the abyss of pleasure, and it was nothing like I’d imagined. It wasn’t something I’d ever experienced firsthand, but I’d imagined it a lot. I’d dreamt about what it might feel like a number of times, and it was never as intense as this. Every fiber within me, every cell in my body, each organ was affected by the exploding fireworks. The orgasm was so intense, it sent me spinning into space alongside the stars. The planet was no longer beneath me; I wasn’t touching anything but Lucky. The bliss was like a tsunami that swept me off my feet. I drowned in the pleasure; it filled up my lungs, leaving me unable to breathe. Not that I wanted to anyway, because it might ruin this wonderful moment.
“Oh my God.” Still tingling and bucking with pleasure, I finally managed to get out some words. “Lucky, that was…”
As sense came back to me, I realized that all of my body weight was leaning against the arm Lucky was using to hold me up right. I guess I wasn’t touching the ground after all, which was a little wild…and actually maybe a bit embarrassing. As the heat of the moment washed off of me, an ice cold creeping shame trickled through my body. What the hell was I doing here? With Lucky? He was here to protect me, to look out for me, not for this. I was upset because Diego couldn’t be trusted, but what was I here doing? Just because I didn’t feel engaged and I didn’t really want to be, just because nothing had ever happened between Diego and, no kiss, no date, nothing, didn’t make this right. Oh God, I was a terrible person. I was the worst of the worst. I had messed everything up. There was a reason I hadn’t ever let anyone touch me before, and it was because I was waiting for the right man.
Lucky couldn’t be the right man, even if it kind of felt like he was in the heat of the moment. And it really did feel like it in the heat of the moment.
“Hey, hey, don’t do that.” Lucky tucked his finger underneath my chin, coaxing my gaze up toward his. He even leaned down and kissed me once more, which caused my heart to skip a damn beat. “Don’t doubt yourself for what just happened. Don’t regret it. I don’t. You deserve all the pleasure and joy a man can give you. I hope you know that. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”
His tone was far too concerned for my liking. Humiliation hit me all over again. Did Lucky know how I felt about Diego? I hadn’t ever explicitly said anything, but I suppose I had given more than enough hints. Plus, I couldn’t stop myself from worrying that I wasn’t the only one who knew about the endless messages sitting in my inbox. Was Lucky looking at me with sympathy because he knew Diego was cheating on me?
Now it wasn’t just shame I was feeling. It was awkwardness as well. I hated being the one everyone felt sympathy for because she was an idiot. But that might be my future.
Hot tears pricked at my eyes once more. I couldn’t even look at Lucky anymore. I was so afraid of what he knew and what he might think of me. The worst part of all of it was not knowing what sort of joys and pleasures I wanted in life.
Or maybe I did, but I was horribly conflicted between what I wanted and what was expected of me.