“Too many rats in the roof. Interesting patterns in the dust in apartment 12E. Anyone else would think it was the Stasi and ig
nored it.” He takes a casual step toward me, the white light from the streetlamp shifting over the planes of his face. “But I’m the Stasi around here.”
He holds a hand out for the car keys and I hand them over. “Danke, Liebling. Shall we go back inside?”
He grips me firmly by the upper arm, his hand like cold iron, and marches me along the street back to the apartment. For a moment he slows, peering up at the attics above the terraced apartments, tracing the path of my escape route. He nods and says to himself, “Ja, very clever.”
Inside he gestures to the sofas. I sit, hands folded in my lap while he stands before me. I remember that first night, sitting in this exact spot, cold and afraid and feeling all the horror of the unknown. I feel it again now because this isn’t me telling him I can’t love him because of the things he’s done. This is a betrayal of the first order.
“Why follow me, Evony? You know why I go out at night.”
I don’t meet his eyes. “I only know what you tell me.”
“Where did you get the car?”
“I stole it.” I don’t care what happens to me anymore but I have to be careful not to betray Peter and his group. I won’t drag them down with me just because I was too stupid not to get out while I could.
I’m not sure he believes me, but he leaves the question of the car aside and says, “If I wanted Frau Schäfer to be in prison she would be in prison. Instead she is in the West, safe and happy with her family. Why didn’t you ask for more proof if you didn’t believe me?”
“I wanted to see for myself. I had no choice.”
Anger flashes across his face. “You could have chosen to believe me.”
“Why should I? I have been your prisoner for months. You have all the power and I have none.”
“Oh, you have no power? The girl who has betrayed me, lied to me, made me think that she loves me so cunningly that I can taste it every time I kiss her even if she won’t say it. And now I find she’s creeping out to spy on me.” He crouches down on his haunches, his face close to mine as he studies me. “Have I been mistaken and you have been pretending this whole time? Do you want to spit in my face, Evony, and tell me you have enjoyed playing me for the fool?”
I look away, feeling sick, wishing I hated him. It should be so easy to hate him.
He watches me narrowly, his mind making connections. “You’ve been distant these past weeks, so pale and tired. All I saw was a woman loathing herself for wanting the man who stole her but really you were spying on me. It was the spying that you hated. It manifests so similarly. I’ll make a note for the future.”
There’s a hard, ironic edge to his voice, and I hear it in my own when I reply, “Oh, I hated myself for wanting you as well. Don’t worry, you’re not losing your edge. Not completely.”
He pulls back a little and gazes at me with speculative, calculating eyes. Reinhardt is retreating and Oberstleutnant Volker of the Staatssicherheit is coming to the fore.
“The car. I don’t believe you stole it. Is there something you want to tell me about, Evony? Or rather, someone?”
The bottom falls out of my stomach. He knows. How can he know?
His eyes light with preternatural cunning. “There is someone. But whom can you have been in contact with? You are with me, always. Ah, but you have been leaving the apartment at night. Have you been meeting with someone as well as tailing me?”
Don’t say anything. He can’t figure anything out as long as you stay silent.
“But there must have been a first meeting. Perhaps someone at—” He breaks off, alarm flashing over his face. “Liebling, please tell me it isn’t anyone at HQ.”
And just like that, sleek, predatory Volker is gone and I see Reinhardt again. He takes my hands between his, engulfing them and squeezing tightly. When he speaks his voice is soft and urgent, as if he’s trying not to frighten a child or a cornered animal. “Evony, have you been spying on me for someone at HQ? I won’t be angry with you if you say yes. I just need to know.”
I don’t understand why he’s acting like this. Is it some sort of trick? I shake my head, trying to look sincere. “No, I told you there’s no one. I’ve been doing this by myself.”
He takes a deep breath and asks me again, and the first tendrils of fear spread through my belly because I know my lover very well by now and this isn’t what his trickery looks like. What is he afraid of? “I promise, there’s no one HQ.”
He stands up, a hand to his mouth. “Scheisse. It’s someone at HQ.”
Panic thuds through me. How does he know this? “Reinhardt, there’s no one. I stole the car and—”
But he’s not listening to me. “I should have told you about him. I should have made you understand the danger but I didn’t think he would be so brazen. Right under my nose.”
He? Does he mean Peter? Why would someone who works in the mail room be of any danger to me or Reinhardt? If he knows about Peter then why isn’t Peter in prison?