Oh for fuck’s sake. Maybe she does find me attractive and she is horny, but that’s not why she’s here or acting out, and I’m fast losing my temper with her. I get up off the bed, wrapping the sheet around my hips with furious movements. “Can you for once in your life stop being such a brat?”
Her face goes slack with shock and I realize I’ve shouted at her. I put my hands on my hips and take a deep, angry breath. It’s no good telling myself she pushed me to it. Bodyguard or dom, I’m not meant to be provocable. “What is it you really want, Adrienne?”
She yanks her hand out of her pants and covers her face. “I don’t know.” And her voice cracks. She folds in on herself, tears leaking between her fingers.
I reach for my T-shirt, teeth gritted. This has to stop.
I hear the rustle of fabric and when I look up I see Dieter pulling on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I can’t read his expression and that frightens me. “Where are you going?”
But he just shakes his head and gently helps me up off the bed. “Come here,” he murmurs, and folds me into a hug. His body is very warm and firm and the T-shirt he’s wearing is soft.
“What is it you really want, Adrienne? I’m not going to be shocked by anything you say. It’ll stay just between us.”
Since the encounter with the man on the street I’ve realized I like having Dieter around after all, but I came in here and made him angry anyway. What the hell is wrong with me? “I j-just didn’t want to be alone. I felt sad, and worried about tomorrow.”
I feel him take a deep breath, his chest expanding against me. His breaths are large and deep, and it’s weirdly comforting.
“All right. Come on. Come to bed.”
And he tugs me toward his bed. I stare at him in surprise. “Really?”
“Yes.”
“And you’ll stay?”
“If you want me to.”
I do want him to. I want to be here with him in this big bed and listen to him breathe and feel the warmth radiating from his body. I nod, and he makes the bed with the discarded sheet and blanket and we get in, though he keeps his clothes on. He settles down to sleep right away, his eyes closed. We’re not touching, but after a few minutes I wriggle a little closer so that my arms and legs are against his. He doesn’t move away. He smells really good, too, a deep woody scent and warm skin. Breathing him in makes me feel calm.
His hands are just inches from my face and I study them. They’re beautiful hands and I’ve sketched them in secret several times. I like the thick veins on their backs. The veins make me wonder what he’d look like when he’s hard, and suddenly I don’t feel calm anymore, I feel horny, properly horny in a knicker-dampening sort of way, not in an I-don’t-want-to-think way.
I’m in his bed. If I ask really nicely he might do something. He likes it when I’m nice. “Dieter?” I whisper.
“Mmm?” His eyes stay closed.
“I wasn’t just acting out for attention or because I was bored. I was sort of thinking about you and, um...do you think I’m cute?” I can’t believe I just asked that but I don’t want him to go to sleep. I want to keep him talking.
I see a glimmer of a smile on his lips before he quashes it. “You’re very sweet when you want to be, Adrienne.”
Well that’s not the same thing at all. I want him to think I’m pretty. I want him to want to put his hands on me and let me feel the weight of him, the strength of him.
I hesitate for a moment, my pulse pounding in my ears from nerves as well as arousal. “I am sort of horny. I was telling the truth before.”
His eyes open and he looks at me steadily. “Did you try masturbating?”
I stare at him, completely floored. “I can’t believe you just asked me that!”
“It might have put you to sleep.”
When I’ve got over my shock, I say, “I, um, tried that the other nights. It’s nice, but it didn’t make me feel any calmer.”
His voice is as even as if we were talking about art or breakfast or something. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
“You’re...welcome?” Oh, god, he’s talking to me like he’s a shrink or something. I don’t want him to thank me, I want him to kiss me.
“Do you want me to make you feel calm?”
This time I can’t dredge up any words through my shock. Is he offering to...?