He pats my shoulder as we head out of the tent flap and into the sunshine, and my stomach swoops. I watch him move past me and stride over to the horses, his long-legged gait relaxed.
Then he pauses and turns around. As he comes back I see he’s wearing his serious ringmaster expression, the one he wears when he checks in with people about how they’re doing. It’s kind, but it’s impersonal.
“If you ever need to talk about anything, you can come to me.”
As if I’m going to drag my problems over to him like a pack of starving strays so he can give me more Are you sure you’re okay? looks. I don’t want that Cale. I just want him to treat me like we’re friends. Like I’m his partner.
Like I’m special.
I quickly squash that dangerous thought. “Thanks. I’m fine now. I was just tired last night.”
His expression softens, and I see the Cale who drew me into arms for a hug because he knew it’s what I longed for so badly. The Cale who calls me sparkle. “And if you ever need a hug, you can come to me for that, too.”
I feel my face burn, and manage in a choked whisper, “Thanks.”
He heads over to the horses and I watch
enviously as he pats Jareth’s nose and scratches him behind the ear while speaking quiet, loving words. He’s telling his horse what we’ve been up to. I know that, because I do the same with Dandelion. Later, I’ll go and whisper to her about all the things that I’ve been feeling and that have been happening. She won’t hardly believe it.
“You okay, Ryah?”
I jump and turn and see that Anouk has stopped a few feet away and is staring at me. There’s a basket of clean laundry in her hands so she must have been to a launderette in the village.
“I’m fine.” I give her a quick smile and hurry toward our wagon, wondering how long she was watching me stare at Cale.
Every afternoon for a week, Cale and I practice our act. He seems pleased with it, but every time I see those knives flashing in his hands, I wonder if it’s as exciting as it could be.
I pull two of the knives from the board and pass them to him, blade first. “Wouldn’t this be more impressive if you were throwing them at someone?”
He chuckles, tucks the knives into his holster and goes back to his spot. “No one’s volunteering for that.”
“I volunteer.”
“Oh, sure.”
I step around him and look up into his face. “I mean it.”
Cale stares at me, and I can tell from his expression that he thinks I’m crazy. Or hoping I’m joking. “I was kidding.”
This isn’t some spur-of-the-moment idea. I’ve been thinking about the act a lot, and what it’s lacking is danger. Danger would have everyone on the edge of their seats. “I’m not. Can’t you see how thrilling it would be for the audience? People love daring acts.”
“The act’s fine as it is.”
“But it could be better.” I don’t know why I’m being so insistent. If he doesn’t want to do it I should let it go.
Except I can picture it so strongly in my head and hear the gasps of the crowd. Cale throwing his knives at me, and the audience totally enraptured.
“This isn’t a game, Ryah. It’s dangerous. There’s no safety gear. Nothing to stop you getting hurt if I miss-throw.”
“It would only be dangerous if we were careless, and you’re never careless.”
Cale shakes his head. “Ryah—”
I clutch his arm. “I’m serious.”
“So am I. We’re not doing it.” Cale looks angry enough to call the whole thing off, and I don’t want this partnership to fall apart before it’s had a chance to get going. I should back down.
But I can’t seem to keep my mouth shut. “Can’t you at least think about it?”