I step up behind her, only inches between our bodies as I speak. “It was time to move on. Time for a change. I finally accepted that she would want me to be happy.”
With her back to my front, I notice the change in her breathing when I close that last couple of inches. My cock threatens to get hard because that’s just how I am when I’m this close to her, but this moment isn’t about that physical need. I want her heart. I want her to know that there’s nothing between us, especially not the ghost of my late wife.
I don’t know how to tell her these things. Words don’t mean much when there’s so many other things that have kept us apart.
“I think it’s best if I stay in the other room tonight,” she whispers.
I grin, knowing she would say something like this. I’m a little pained that she’s so casual with her rejection, but at the same time it’s exactly her.
She’s stronger now, too, I realize, because I’m not getting the immediate agreement and compliance I first got out of her after meeting.
“I mean, since you aren’t leaving until then. I can change the sheets for Landon when he gets here.”
“Is that what you want?”
I’ll give her anything she needs. I have the patience it will require to win this woman over, although the loss of immediate gratification will pain me some.
She turns around to face me, her shoulder brushing across my chest in a way that heats every cell in my body.
So much rides on her answer, and that negative side of me, the one that pecks at the edge of my mind that makes me consider that I’ll never be fully happy again, comes out to play as I wait for her to answer.
She shakes her head, and just when I think she’s going to walk away and carry her things to the other room, she buries her face in my chest.
I wait for her to wrap her arms around me before doing the same to her.
No words are spoken as we just hold each other in the middle of my bedroom.
Resting my chin on the top of her head, I breathe this woman in, finally letting all of her inside of me for the very first time.
It feels like… coming home.
Chapter 35
Alyssa
As luck would have it, Aria starts to cry before I could lift my head from his chest.
I have a million questions. I can’t enter into anything with this man without knowing exactly where we’re heading. I can’t be the woman filled with hope and unanswered questions. I just have to find the courage to ask them all.
“I better go see what she needs,” he says as I look up at him.
The air is thick around us, as is the erection in his jeans, but we’ve been down that path before. We know the sex is great. I also know it’s not enough for me. I don’t want that part of this man if I can’t have the heart in his chest.
I follow him from the room, eager to see Aria even though it’s only been a handful of hours since I saw her last at the daycare.
Knowing Harley is going to be gone for work for at least a couple of days, I stand to the side while he tends to her, giving him the opportunity to spend some time with her.
I finally accepted that she would want me to be happy.
He’d said those words, but was he just talking about the new bedroom decor? Was this just one more thing they argued over? Am I reading too much into it to think he meant moving on with me?
I should really write all this stuff down because I don’t know that I’ll ever remember all of these questions. I may only be able to get in one or two serious ones before he shuts down and pushes me away.
But maybe then I’ll have the answers to all the other questions I’ve tortured myself with since meeting the man.
The prospect of asking makes my skin crawl. As much as I want the answers, they also terrify me. They have the ability to force my thoughts of leaving New Mexico into actual action. Despite not being with him this last month, I’ve formed tight bonds with others that I’m reluctant to break. I feel like I’ve found my place in the world, but that was always on the off chance that one day Harley would look across the room and actually see me. If he shuts all of that down, I’d never be able to stay. I can’t live the rest of my life with him witnessing my broken heart.
Aria calms quickly, and before long, he’s lowering her back into the crib. We quietly make our way out of her room, Harley closing the door softly behind him.