“Calland, seriously. We-”
“We just met, we hardly know each other, you have things to do, I know,” he interrupted me. “It’s been five days, we’ve seen each other every day since we met, even though it wasn’t really planned, but it worked out awesomely,” he grinned as he said that, then continued, “You’re safe with me. You know it, and plus, the baby’s already asleep. You don’t want to drag him out this late in the cold night air, do you? And I know you’ve got everything you need for him in that monstrous diaper bag, so don’t bother using that as an excuse, either.”
“Ugh,” I groaned, thumping my head back against the couch cushions.
“You know you want to…” he cajoled.
And I did. I just couldn’t let myself. Could I?
I started reasoning with myself in my head, and it all went round and round in the same vicious circle, again and again. It was the same argument that I’d had ever since I’d met the infuriating man. I’d already given in and agreed to go out with him. I’d been spending time with him every day since I met him, just like he said. I’d done everything I said I wouldn’t.
So fuck it. Again. My new favorite words, apparently. Would it be that bad for me to stay? Would it be the end of the world?
No. Probably not.
Would it distract me even further from what I was doing here?
Yes. Probably.
Did I care?
Maybe. I didn’t know anymore.
Honestly, I think the most important question for me to ask myself was, could I trust myself around him?
Big. Fat. No.
But fuck it. Fuck. It.
I was staying.
“Fine.”
I whispered it, but I knew he heard me. I swear I saw his ears perk up like a dog’s and it would have been comical if I didn’t have that feeling washing over me. The feeling like I’d just sealed my fate with one word, had just changed the entire course of my life without the intention of doing so.
It was scary.
It was freeing.
It was done.
“You’re very fond of that word, I’m finding,” he answered, his words soft, his smile anything but.
I just stared at him, swallowing hard, my breathing rapid. I felt like my heart was beating out of my chest, especially when he didn’t say anything more, just stood carefully. I watched him as he moved around the coffee table and stopped by the playpen, Kaden cradled against his chest.
He looked down at the playpen and then jerked his head down the hallway.
I blinked up at him.
He sighed. “Dani. Bring the playpen and come on. Let’s get him settled in the guest room.”
It was my turn to sigh as I stood and complied, removing the toys and sitting them on the coffee table for the moment as I broke down the playpen so I could move it easily down the hall and into the bedroom.
He led the way and stood silently by my side as I snapped it all back into place, and went about settling the baby down for the night, relinquishing Kaden to me only after he’d placed a gentle kiss to the top of his head.
It melted my heart, but I tried not to let him see that.
I left the door cracked so I could hear him if he woke up and followed Calland back to the living room, automatically picking Kade’s toys up from where I left them and packing them back in the bag I’d brought them in. I straightened the room up after that, which didn’t take long, and left me with nothing else to do but finally look at Calland.
And that was something I’d been trying to avoid since there was no baby buffer between us any longer.
He was leaning against the end of the breakfast bar that separated the kitchen from the living room, arms crossed over his chest, watching me.
I was standing by the couch, twisting my fingers together restlessly, so unsure of myself for the first time in…well, forever. I hadn’t had time for insecurity or hesitation in so long, it was an alien feeling and I didn’t like it.
He straightened and came toward me. I tried to step back, but had nowhere to go, since the couch was behind me. So I sat, trying to make it look like that’s what I intended all along, not like I was trying to retreat from him.
He smiled, a predatory smile that let me know he knew just what I was trying to do, and had my heart racing again. He sat down on the opposite end of the couch, where he was sitting earlier. Only this time, he didn’t kick back and relax. No, this time, he reached for me, hauling me against his chest as he shifted until he was lying down with me sprawled on top of him.
I struggled, trying to sit up, stilling only when he groaned out, “Jesus, Dani, settle down before you un-man me!”
He shifted carefully, moving both of us so that my knee was no longer in danger of damaging the family jewels, which left him on his back and me stretched out full length along-side him, pressed between the hardness of his body and the back of the couch, my head pillowed on his shoulder.
Acting like it was the most natural thing in the world to be lying there like that, he smiled at me, then reached for the remote. “Wanna watch a movie?”