Chapter 3
Jeremy
When Hazel took off to travel back to Massachusetts with Aiden, things with our father escalated. The couch squeaks at me when I take a seat, waiting for him to come downstairs and have his morning cup of coffee. It’s practically seven in the morning and he’s typically awake by now. The specialists pointed out that he might be more exasperated than normal as the disease advances. Alzheimer’s is a bitch, and I never know what kind of day he is going to have. Sometimes he’s himself and others he’s not. I’ll never reveal it to Hazel, but the horrifying notion of waking up one morning and discovering him passed has influenced my sleep. Most nights, I’m fortuitous to receive four hours, and that’s risky when you work with heavy equipment. Yet, no matter what, even with sleeping aids, I’m wide awake after a meager four hours. Death is something that everybody deals with, but not something they come to terms with until an older age. That’s when matters become real, but how do you prepare yourself for losing someone? The doctors say he doesn’t have too much longer with how fast it’s progressing.
From the minute we take our initial breath, our clocks are tallying down to our death. There are many components that go into how short that can be; like health, disease, and unanticipated occurrences like crashes and serial killers, but when a doctor tells you to prepare yourself, what do they mean? Am I expected to somehow come to terms with the fact that my father will no longer be on this Earth? He’s the only man that has been there for me a hundred percent since I met him. I refuse to accept that he is going to be gone. Yet, I have always known this day would come.
Hazel is having a hard time with it, too, even if she doesn’t tell me about it. Aiden has messaged me a couple times saying he’s had to console her, and it’s okay to be furious at the world right now. We all look at our parents as bulletproof, and don’t realize there will come a time where they won’t be around. So, we need to soak up their knowledge and advice while we can. No one knows for certain what happens to us after our hearts stop, but I hope I get to see the ones I love on the other side.
To pass some time, I pull out my phone and bring the thread between Raquel and I. Will it seem desperate for me to text her this morning? With everything going on, will I still be able to go tonight? She might think I’m not interested if I cancel, or maybe she will understand. Taking care of an ill parent isn’t something for the faint hearted. Many do not have patience required to take care of someone with this disease. Episodes come and go, but you have to be able to handle it. If the doctors hadn’t explained to me the importance of not tearing down their delusion, then I would be clueless.
Me: I’m excited for tonight. Hope you got some sleep and have a good day.
Short and sweet. The point is to let her know I’m thinking about her, even if it’s seven in the morning. She seems like the type to be up this early, whether she is working or not.
Raquel: Slept like a baby. Do you know where we will be going? Need to know how to dress.
There are only so many places in Grapevine, and we could venture outside the town, but would rather not. I need to be close just in case Hazel needs my help with our father. She hasn’t been around during any of his episodes yet. So, if he does end up having one, she might not be able to handle it like I do.
Me: Need to stay close because of Dad. Are you okay with the diner? Maybe next time we can go someplace more romantic.
A part of me wonders if she thinks I’m a cheap date, and I almost send a text saying never mind, but I don’t. A materialistic women is not something I’m searching for, and the right one will understand my reasoning for staying close and be okay with it.
Raquel: The place we eat doesn’t matter. See you at 7.
A noise from his door shutting upstairs catches my attention, and I soon hear footsteps coming down the staircase. Let’s hope he is in a good mood. He isn’t much of a morning person, and then throw an episode into the mix, and that can make matters far worse.
“Morning, pop. Sleep okay?”
He pauses at the bottom of the stairs, and his eyebrows arch. “Who the hell are you, boy?”
My heart drops. This isn’t the first episode I’ve witnessed and it won’t be the last. No matter how many times I go through it, it still breaks my heart to see him like this.
He walks right past me to the kitchen and starts loading the coffee maker. “Regina?”
His episodes have often revolved around when his wife was still alive. If there is ever a time for him to be on the precipice of being happy, that’s the best place for him to go. She passed years ago, and so I just go along with it. He has been having them more frequently over the last couple of months, but it comes with the territory. The doctors cautioned us this day would come, but it still never truly prepares you for it. All we can do is be someone else until he comes out of it, because telling him who we are will only set him off and confuse him further. If this happens, he could become violent.
“She’s not here. We’ve met before, I’m Jeremy, sir.” I extend my hand out to him. “I’m just waiting for her to get back.”
His forehead creases as he pours his coffee into his #1 Dad mug, and then takes a sip. He doesn’t even read it. “Well, you will be here for a while. When my wife goes to the store, she’s there for hours. Have a seat.”
I don’t mention the fact that I’m his son, and that helps him stay calm and collection. It’s my only option. So, I use this opportunity to have a conversation with him. He takes a seat in his recliner and turns the television on.
“Let’s see what’s fucked up in the world today.”
We watch stories about robberies and murders in Dallas, but they don’t even make him bat an eye. He must think it’s the weekend or he would get ready for work right now. At least his brain gives him that out, because if he went to the school, they would ruin it. He used to be a schoolteacher, but retired a couple years ago. I can’t say I blame him, he seems to enjoy his life on the couch binge-watching old movies.
“How long have you and Mrs. Regina been married, sir?”
He sets his cup down on the table and peers over at me. “A long time, son. When you find your soulmate, you don’t let them go. Remember that. Obstacles will pop up, but you hurdle over them and keep moving.”
I remember when she was still alive, and how perfect they always seemed, but no one is perfect. The catch is finding someone that loves you despite your flaws. As he has already stated, she was always the one that could say she was going for milk and be gone for a couple of hours. Regina would always return with bags of unnecessary groceries.
My phone rings, and I see Hazel’s name scrolling across the screen. “Hello?”
Her voice is on the other end. “We are on our way over. Need me to pick up breakfast?”
I glance at him, and get up and go toward the front door so he can’t hear me. “Not a good time yet. Right now, he thinks I’m waiting for his wife to get home from the grocery store. Oddly enough, he never asked me my reason for being here. But he doesn’t even recognize me.”