Chapter 9
Aiden
My heart races aftermy hand sweeps the covers, finding her gone.
"Hazel, are you here?"
I sit up looking around the room, and notice her clothes are now gone and my t-shirt at the end of the bed. Why did she leave without saying goodbye? I could have made breakfast. A laugh escapes, cooking isn’t my strong suit, but I could’ve tried.
The clock shows it's barely nine in the morning, and I'm never up this early. When did she leave? Hazel snuggling up on my chest basically put me into a coma, and I didn’t wake up once, which is abnormal for me. Usually, I wake up a couple times a night, and toss and turn.
Being next to her, the aroma of sweet pea in her hair coupled with her body warmth just made it that much easier to sleep. I always sleep alone, because even when I have women over, they leave before I go to bed. This prevents them from getting the wrong idea. Yet, I wish Hazel had been here when I woke up. She is the only girl that has ever slept in a bed with me.
I grab my phone and type out a message.
Me: You didn't have to leave.
Things might be a little crazy and emotional, but that doesn't mean we aren't still friends. We did start as friends, and that will never go away.
Hazel: I took my dad his favorite donuts. You know, like you used to do every Saturday morning before we went to the diner.
She's right. Saturdays were always so much fun. I'd head down to the local bakery and pick up a half dozen of blueberry cake donuts for her father. He loved anything blueberry. It's almost an obsession. We would have a cup of coffee, eat, and then head over to the diner for some more coffee the two of us. Most of the day, we goofed off, studied or whatever needed to be done.
Me: I'm sorry for being a jerk. We both have regrets. Let's work together.
Things did get a bit crazy and emotional yesterday, and I can’t fault myself for that. I’ve been holding that shit in for eight years, and needed to get it off my chest. Am I worried that it might have been too much for her? I don’t like that she perceives herself as a horrible person because of the adoption. Girls get pregnant at young ages, sometimes. Many of them regret giving up their child later on, but it’s hard to know what your life is going to be like. At that point, she did what she thought was best for Jake.
How are we supposed to know how our lives were going to turn out? Things could be different, yes, but it's not like we can do a compare and contrast on which set of parents would make him become a better person or give him what he needs? Each of us is going to feel like we could have done it better. My thought process is this, he's our son, but they are raising him. We need to remember that the bond they share is as important as the one we hope to gain with him one day.
I know Hazel’s past in the foster care system is probably another reason why she regrets her decision, but she isn’t her parents. She found parents who can provide him with a good life. They have money and careers. Unfortunately, the system is paying some parents and they only take in children for the extra money. As she has told me in the past, her first couple homes, she didn’t even see that money. Yes, I know, it is not hers, but the first two homes, the parents were alcoholics and once that check came in, they would be drunk for the whole next week. Binging and ignoring the children. This is not what the money should be spent on. I’m she got out of there and got adopted by a great family.
If the letter makes it to the parents, I hope they will reconsider the closed adoption. I know it’s a long shot, but have to take the chance. Even if they only give me pictures of him, it’s better than nothing. There is always a chance of getting to know him after he’s an adult. Ten years is a long time to wait, but I’ll do it if I must.
It’s time to get up and start my day. Sitting here, worrying isn’t going to do me any good. My arms stretch, a yawn escapes, and then my feet hit the ground, taking me into the bathroom to start the shower. The steam always helps me wake up faster, so I brush my teeth while waiting for the water to heat up.
My phone starts to ring, playing Liam’s ringtone, and I hesitate whether I want to answer it or call him back when I’m done.
“Hey brother. What’s up?”
“What you got going on today?”
“Nothing so far. Just got up and about to take a shower.”
“Thought it would be nice for you, me, Harper, Jeremy, and Hazel to meet up while she’s in town. You game?”
First, he’s telling me to stay away from her, and now he wants to hang out? What’s gotten into him? “Sure. Just tell me when.”
“We are meeting at the diner in about an hour.”
Jesus, an hour? Why is he just now calling me then? “Okay, well I’m getting off here to shower then. See ya in a bit.”
My happy ass runs to the shower and jumps in, lathering the body wash, and letting the warm water cascade off my body. For a moment, I thought someone is running their fingers down my back, but it’s a memory. One weekend when her dad went out of town, I stayed over at their place, and we showered together. It only happened once, but I can still feel it.
After all the soap from my body is off, I take the shampoo into my hands and lather it into my hair, letting it soften, for a couple minutes before washing it out. Am I the only one that has the most unique thoughts in the shower? Like how come we never know it’s the best days until it’s over? Now, to be fair, I didn’t know Hazel was going to turn my proposal down, but I wish I knew to savor and drink up every minute before graduation. You know, recognized them as the good days.
After washing the shampoo out of my hair, I grab the towel and wrap it around my waist. Even when I’m alone, it’s weird to walk around naked. Technology these days can be hacked and I didn’t want myself posted all over the internet from some hacker using my laptop webcam. Maybe I’m a little paranoid, but it pays to be cautious.
Inside the closet is a row of hung up t-shirts and then a dresser with all of my bottoms. What should I wear today? I pull up the weather that shows it to be chilly today, so I grab a long sleeve t-shirt and jeans.